Ago

I sat down with my new sponsor yesterday...I can't describe the overwhelming relief I felt when I got up from the table.

As I was giving him "background" he was nodding, sharing his own experiences, interrupting for clarification at some points...very very good listener, very reflective, and I found I didn't have to "explain" things or "convince" him, he had similar experiences in his past, which was an incredible relief.

I have done the steps a number of times in the past, and taken sponsees through them, what was nice is he gave me a homework assignment that I have never encountered, and it's a head scratcher and thought provoker (step zero he calls it)

Anyway, to sit down in a structured relationship, where I give/receive unconditional love, where there are no hidden agendas, no manipulations, no "come closer/get away, no "double binds", no "axes to grind", no "gifts with strings" with someone truly "on my side" is an incredible relief.

I can't convey how "safe" I felt...and it's been a LONG time I have ever felt or even been "safe" in relationships with those around me (If you read my other posts you will know I spent the last few years living with my alcoholic family and being involved with a "double bind" practicing alcoholic with a history of emotional/sexual/physical abuse with all of the behaviors that goes with that)

Anyway, enough about them, I just felt like I am finally taking charge of my own life, and hopefully my own brain a little bit LOL

It's been six weeks since I moved away from the family, and one week since I ended the relationship, every day gets a little better, and I'm finally beginning to "hear" all the messages of love coming at me. I went to meeting the other night and ran into a ton of old friends, people I haven't seen in years and the love I got was amazing...the guy with 5 years who I helped when he was new, 6 foot 5, maybe 300 pounds LEAPED into my arms and hugged me and nearly cried when he saw me, "OMG I share about you ALL the time, about how nice you were to me and how much you helped me!!!", the woman who when I walked up, hugged me and turned to the large group she was with and said "I wouldn't be sober without this man" (and no we didn't date lol), the man I have known for 20 years who just hugged me and hugged me and talked with me till 3 am, The men who told me when I went to move "don't worry about $$$, don't worry about a place to stay, don't you know how much we all love you? don't you even realize how many people you have helped that would love to help you in return?" just...the outpouring of love around the program is amazing and it's beginning to sink in.

My Sober "ex" that I dated for many years when I lived here before has been saying "THAT is who you are A------, do NOT believe your family and that OW" as have all my friends who I have known for years.

Anyhow, I'm gonna be all right, since I moved that six weeks ago with three days notice (I left with no money, no place to live, no job, just jumped off the cliff in utter abandon) I have a wonderful home with a few other people in recovery, I have work lined up for all next week, and I have two job interviews this week (one today) where I applied as an employee and they took one look at my resume and asked if I would consider a management position instead.

I might make it, I might be OK.

HopeandPrayer

8, it is great to see you having a positive time.

You deserve to be happy, and good luck with the job interviews, I will be praying for you and your continued success.

What a great thing to have all these people come up and give the love and affection you obviously deserve.


Barb

theotherone

Might????? Sounds to me like you are doing just fine...you have alot to offer and alot of people support you. Your post is inspirational to alot of people who think they can't do it with obstacles...your proof that it can be done.

Godspeed and best of luck with the job interviews!

Chris