prettywoman

You know girls.......I told him that he has to totally stay away from us. I told him that he is not going to be around our son unless his life is together. Yes I know he has rights but so does my son.

I told him that our son deserves to have his father and he deserves to not grow up having a deadbeat dad.

What really gets me is that he says he is in love with me and that he wants me to be his wife some day yet he nonstop talks to all these females. Talk about dysfunction.

I am sure my story is not new to anyone it does happen over and over. Now I am not dump to just believe anything, what is really bad here is that he truly does love me and I believe this with all of my heart, we both love one another but his actions are sick.

So he is not allowed to see his son unless his life is ok unless he takes responsibilities................perhaps you think it is harsh of me to have said that to him but those are my boundaries.

I am going to protcet my son with whatever I have to. He did ask me when he was born what hospital he was in and I told him nothing.

Is it cruel? no it is not, not to me . Why? Because as long as his focus is on online females and partying he HAS no right to be there.

Let me tell you this much...............when I walked in his parents house his clothing was all over the place. His room trashed. The place look like some 12 year old living there and just being plain nasty. Not only does he keep his room trashed but the rest of the house as well now we talking about a grown man here.

WHY his parents tolerate this is beyound me! Enabler! comes to mind!

Am I wrong for wanting the best for my son? No I am not. I have the money and the means to do whatever it is to protect my baby boy, my previous blessing.

I do feel sad and somewhat thrown of balance after yesterday......and that is ok. I am in a much better place now.

I am spending every free moment with my son and when I am not there and at work my sister is there.

Sometimes I feel like I am not going to make it through this. To see my baby boy laying there , so helpless so tiny.

I tell him about his father and how much he is loved and yes by him to. He will know his father to be loving and caring.

This is hard for me but I am going to fight this with everything I have in me.

I will not loosen up on my boundaries unless I see actions on his part.

In my heart I know I am doing right! and that is all that matters.

I have a lot on my mind tonight as you can see...........and I let go and let God!

I held my baby boy in the palm of my hands today..................that is how tiny my wee one is:-) to feel him in my hands......sighs...................now how can anything be more importan than this? It makes everything seem really unimportant.

I love you guys! If you out there tonight and you are hurting or feel sad..................I want you , yes you..............to know that you are very special to me and to the world. Remember that you are unique to this world.

Stay strong! Stand up for your beliefs and most of all love yourself and know that whatever it is , you can do it!

Hugs

JT

Prettywoman,

Remember that the amount of control you have is limited. He COULD throw his weight around if he wanted to. It sounds like he won't but you never know.

One piece of advise I gave my GS's mother that she never took...get full custody of your son, legally. Right now no one has custody.

Also...Ward and the Beav both have father's who are not in there lives. The Beav's real dad was a lieing cheating drunk and dropped all contact. In both of my men there is an anger about that and a large hole in their soul. In both cases they had good lives with a mother and a "father" who loved them but that hole has never been filled.

Feeling all powerful is going to get you hurt. Better to be humbly prepared.

(((Hugs))))
JT

corvettte_angel

Hey--

I would also recommend getting full legal custody. It could solve any unforeseen problems in the future. It could really hurt your son to have his parents locked in a legal battle over him.

You do have the right to protect your son!! He needs that right now. It is wise of you to talk positively about his father to him. If he ever does decide to completely clean up his act and they make contact then you will want him to have a good impression of him. I know a woman who after she and her husband split up-she talked only bad about him. Now the ex has cleaned up his life and his son wants no part of him. He really could have used his finances for college and things, but the mother ruined that. It makes me smile to see that you are dealing with this so intelligently.

How is your baby? Do you know when you are allowed to take him home? Both of you are in my prayers!! Have faith, everything will eventually turn out right. Best of Luck!!

--Ångel

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi PW...

I know it's a pain, and I know it's not fair, but I'm with the gals about the custody thing. We're on your side, but I hope you'll get the law on your side, too.

I was a little worried about you yesterday. I know how much the things he said were the things you longed to hear. I don't doubt that he meant it when he said it. But the more you talk about waiting to see real signs of improvement the more my pom poms are waving! You're in such a vulnerable position emotionally. It must take an enormous amount of strength to apply caution in this situation, but you're doing it and I admire you for it.

Hugs,
Smoke

prettywoman

I understand what you are saying about the legal part. As soon as my son is out of the hospital I am going to take him to Germany for about 12 month and I will return after that.

Since I told him about his son which was Thursday I have not heard from him. I am sure I left a lot on his MIND to think about.

My ex has not shown interest in any of it yet, maybe he will maby he won't but that is not my concern right now. Things will be alright.