KELS1961

I have posted on here how I have kicked my b/f out.
He is staying at my brothers shop andin back there is a little rv he sleeps in I saw him the other day he looks awful. I felt sick at the way he looked.
He has always been a very clean man always dressed nice now he looked dirty not shaved looked like he had aged 10 years. I have noticed many women on here stay with ther alcholic husbands or boyfriends.
He was really making me sick living with him and his drinking.
He was doing so good. I guess I feel bad at the way he is living.
They say they love you so if they really do why will they not get help"!!!
I am mad sad I feel sick inside for him. All theother times we broke up he would call all the time now he does not. He is still drinking and it is going to get him. When will I start feeling better? Some days are good some are bad. Iwill be in bed and reach over to be near him andit is empty.
This is a personal question but we hardley had sex is this normal for alcholics?
I am scared he will be found dead someday.
It seems like he has so many demons inside him or so many unsolved issues
I do not know. I just feel so so sad.

denny57

Take away all the statements about his condition and this is what you have (had).

I found it helpful to say "living with him was making me sick" rather than "he was making me sick." I didn't understand the difference for a long time. Once I took back my power everything changed.

I think you made a good decision for YOU.

Lizziesd

Based on what I read here, people that decided to stay in relationships with alcholics, end up telling us to run and get out of those relationships ASAP. It seems to me that even though we are sad, heartbroken, and we miss them. It's better that we didn't stay together and traveled down that road to pure hell. The disease is progressive, so it would have gotten worse and we would have been there for all that. I think the best thing is for us to have gotten out and that way we stand a chance of having a normal life, a healthy relationship. As far as your personal question, yeah sexual dysfunction goes hand in hand with excessive drinking. Either the drive is gone because they are too wasted or they simply pass out or they can hold an erection because they drank too much.

TooMuch4TooLong

I stayed. I would not recommend that to anyone. So he looks like hell, that is not something you can control, only he can. Honestly I can't even remember the last time we had sex. What is sex?

Me I am going to take some time to figure out why I was drawn to him and why I stayed so long in a relationship that I knew would eventually go up in flames. My daughter says I am as cuddly as a porcupine but when I do love I love with all I have. Love is wonderful but it won't save him from his alcoholism anymore than love saved my mother from diabetes.

When or if I fall in love again I don't want to repeat the same mistakes so it's time to evaluate and take stock and see where I go from here.

YellowRed

It's really tough when you love someone so much to see them destroy themselves in this way; but you have to keep hold of the notion that this is something they (or the disease) is doing to them, not you. You didn't make the choice to drink or to refuse to get help. The only way for the alcoholic to recover and pull themselves together is to seek and get help themselves (and, in my experience, to want toget it themselves).

Alcoholics are good at tugging at the heart strings - they know well how to play to your love and fear for them. You have made a brave decision to get him to move out and he needs to look after himself - he's an adult after all.

I know how hard it is to see them falling apart this way, especially when you have known him to be smart etc. You have a lot of love to give, but is it really being returned? Hang on in there and think about doing something for yourself. You made a really tough decision and it's hard given you see him this way - think about doing something just for yourself - get a manicure or a massage or anything you think is especially for you. Instead of using all your energy worrying about him, how about spending a bit looking after yourself?

Hold on tight. You've already been really strong.

Irene3

Hi,
I wanted to ask that too as I've had sex 7 times with my AH in the last 2 years (3 of which was on holiday) so how dismal is that? especially as I had wanted so badly to have a family . perhaps there is still hope, adoption etc . . .also he sleepwalks and I sometimes found him . you know , in the bathroom by himself while asleep with no recollection in the morning - I think deep down he must be completely stressed which is very distressing . .however preparing to move on myself .. I cannot help him if he doesn't want to stop .. good luck .

Fandy

this thread is 4 years old.

Pelican

Hi Irene and welcome to the SR family!

You have found a wonderful resource for support and information. Please make yourselt at home by reading and posting as often as needed.

As Fandy mentioned, this is an older post. I think you might get more personal support from current members by beginning your own thread. Introduce yourself to the rest of the family.

We are glad you are here!

kthopkt

You did the right thing by leaving. He has to help himself. I completely understand how hard it is to see someone destroy themselves. I remember visiting my brother once when things were really bad & feeling so sick to my stomach. It is horrifying to us to see them that way & yet we have zero control over the situation. Unfortunately, it didn't do me any good feeling sorry for my brother & it will not help you either. They seem weak & helpless but they are not. I now have drawn clear boundaries but have let it be known that I will be there for him when he is ready. Good luck to you & stay strong!