can't stop crying
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Emotional turmoil
Posts: 7
can't stop crying
I broke up with my ABF on Friday. He relapsed last weekend and was gone for three days straight. I was so mad I felt convinced I had to end it, so sick of the craziness, being dumped like yesterday's newspaper when he's drinking... and I had started to wonder if he would ever get better.
So I met up with him on Friday and ended it. I was so mad it felt good at the time. He was really upset and kept saying he was really sorry but accepted my decision because he didn't want to keep hurting me. He says he knows he has a problem and is going to keep trying going to AA but it is better to be apart because he has to learn and have some consequences for the drinking and ultimately he doesn't know if he can beat this and doesn't want to ruin my life as well as his.
Well I felt so strong from anger but that has all deflated now. I've been crying all weekend and now I feel like I've made a terrible mistake. I was strong until he was so sorry and now I wish i hadn't broken up and am falling apart. I want to speak to him and it's driving me crazy because he's not answering his phone and doesn't seem to be home. I suspect he's avoiding me to try and stay away bc he thinks its best for us to be apart. But he could also be drinking. I just can't stop crying and I feel so angry, why does the disease have to win? I just wish it would all go away and everything be fine.
I love him so much, the man he is when he's not drinking. I've never felt this love for anyone in my life and I just want to be next to him. I feel so angry at GOD for taking away the one guy who I love so much more than any other man I've ever known and not letting us be together and giving me a cross to bear that's more than I can. I just can't stop crying, at least I have my pet kitten who is cuddling me and looking after me today.
:praying
So I met up with him on Friday and ended it. I was so mad it felt good at the time. He was really upset and kept saying he was really sorry but accepted my decision because he didn't want to keep hurting me. He says he knows he has a problem and is going to keep trying going to AA but it is better to be apart because he has to learn and have some consequences for the drinking and ultimately he doesn't know if he can beat this and doesn't want to ruin my life as well as his.
Well I felt so strong from anger but that has all deflated now. I've been crying all weekend and now I feel like I've made a terrible mistake. I was strong until he was so sorry and now I wish i hadn't broken up and am falling apart. I want to speak to him and it's driving me crazy because he's not answering his phone and doesn't seem to be home. I suspect he's avoiding me to try and stay away bc he thinks its best for us to be apart. But he could also be drinking. I just can't stop crying and I feel so angry, why does the disease have to win? I just wish it would all go away and everything be fine.
I love him so much, the man he is when he's not drinking. I've never felt this love for anyone in my life and I just want to be next to him. I feel so angry at GOD for taking away the one guy who I love so much more than any other man I've ever known and not letting us be together and giving me a cross to bear that's more than I can. I just can't stop crying, at least I have my pet kitten who is cuddling me and looking after me today.
:praying
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
I'm so sorry. For what it's worth, it seems many here have traveled through this transition phase and made it out to the other side to fine peace, happiness and sanity. Maybe if you can comfort yourself by knowing and trusting that your life will be void of the insanity his drinking brought, you'll be able to realize this pain is only temporary.
I'm still married to my AH, but I've been in long term relationships that ended before I was ready. And I remember that terrible lonely feeling. It did get better, every time. You are just so new into it that this is when the pain is the most intense.
I'm still married to my AH, but I've been in long term relationships that ended before I was ready. And I remember that terrible lonely feeling. It did get better, every time. You are just so new into it that this is when the pain is the most intense.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Merseyside,UK
Posts: 109
You have to think what drove you to break up with him in the first place.
The situation must have been terrible to make you decide you could no longer live with his alcoholism, do you really think that if you went back any of this would change?
I doubt it would, maybe for a few days, a week? but that really isnt good enough for you is it?
Yes its going to be hard, you'll feel alone and very upset but believe me it does get easier. Keep yourself busy, see your friends, do things that you never got to do while you were dealing with his behaviour.
The fact that you no longer have to deal with/worry about what hes gonna do next is a great relief.
I found this when i moved back to my mums house. If hes drunk, im away from the drama and nothing feels better.
take care of yourself.
sam.xx
The situation must have been terrible to make you decide you could no longer live with his alcoholism, do you really think that if you went back any of this would change?
I doubt it would, maybe for a few days, a week? but that really isnt good enough for you is it?
Yes its going to be hard, you'll feel alone and very upset but believe me it does get easier. Keep yourself busy, see your friends, do things that you never got to do while you were dealing with his behaviour.
The fact that you no longer have to deal with/worry about what hes gonna do next is a great relief.
I found this when i moved back to my mums house. If hes drunk, im away from the drama and nothing feels better.
take care of yourself.
sam.xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: MI
Posts: 73
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know how you are feeling as I also broke up w/my XAB on Tuesday after he disappeared on a drinking binge. It is very difficult. I got some Great advice from GiveLove last night, it's on my thread titled Give Me Strength, maybe it will help you too.
For me, I just keep trying to keep in the front of my mind all the bad and look at what is good and peaceful now. I ask myself, do I really want to live with all that drama and choas again? The disappearing, the not answering the phone, the wondering where he is at and who he is with, the knot in the pit of my stomach wondering if he'll even come home tonight. The screaming, the yelling, the telling me how bad I am and how bad I treat him. The manipulations, the lies, the cheating.
The answer is an emphatic - NO!
I've looked at the peace that I've had the last few days. It's been nice and quiet, no drama, no arguing, no fighting, no walking on eggshells. I've also gotten alot of strength from reading through the posts here on SR and reading Codepency No More and my Al-Alon books.
Hopefully you could also try one or more of these things to help get you through the difficult times. Sending you tons and tons of strength...
C
For me, I just keep trying to keep in the front of my mind all the bad and look at what is good and peaceful now. I ask myself, do I really want to live with all that drama and choas again? The disappearing, the not answering the phone, the wondering where he is at and who he is with, the knot in the pit of my stomach wondering if he'll even come home tonight. The screaming, the yelling, the telling me how bad I am and how bad I treat him. The manipulations, the lies, the cheating.
The answer is an emphatic - NO!
I've looked at the peace that I've had the last few days. It's been nice and quiet, no drama, no arguing, no fighting, no walking on eggshells. I've also gotten alot of strength from reading through the posts here on SR and reading Codepency No More and my Al-Alon books.
Hopefully you could also try one or more of these things to help get you through the difficult times. Sending you tons and tons of strength...
C
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: atlantic canada
Posts: 42
I know right now you are grieving for the loss of what could have been...but the reality is that dream is only in your heart...if you take him back you are saying to him that it was okay to treat you poorly and that you are giving him permission to do it to you again...
This disease makes us all ill even if we aren't the ones with the addiction....we want to take care of...nurture....rescue them from themselves all while being disrespected..raged at...blamed...manipulated...cheated on...lied to...the disease takes us down with them...to the point where we no longer see ourselves as important...as worthy individuals who have our own needs of support and true love...not the empty words that are rarely if ever backed up with actions...
We have no control over another's life....only our own...my hope is that after you cry it out for as long as it takes to grieve this loss....that you find yourself again and begin to get excited by the possibilities that lie ahead....this takes time...right now the pain is raw...but you will love again...and hopefully if you work on yourself hard enough you will attract a truly remarkable person into your life...
My advice to you as hard as it may seem to do is to practice No Contact....do not phone him, do not take his calls...if he leaves a message erase it before you listen to it...do not read his emails or answer his text messages....No Contact....give yourself a month at least before any interaction with him and work on yourself...go to Al-Anon meetings...write in a journal....write and read on this site....go for long walks....call a friend and go for coffee....get out of the house as much as you can when you are able...have hot baths and paint your nails...just do not contact him....
He needs to manage his own disease....you can not control it...or him...
Love and big hugs...
Maggie
This disease makes us all ill even if we aren't the ones with the addiction....we want to take care of...nurture....rescue them from themselves all while being disrespected..raged at...blamed...manipulated...cheated on...lied to...the disease takes us down with them...to the point where we no longer see ourselves as important...as worthy individuals who have our own needs of support and true love...not the empty words that are rarely if ever backed up with actions...
We have no control over another's life....only our own...my hope is that after you cry it out for as long as it takes to grieve this loss....that you find yourself again and begin to get excited by the possibilities that lie ahead....this takes time...right now the pain is raw...but you will love again...and hopefully if you work on yourself hard enough you will attract a truly remarkable person into your life...
My advice to you as hard as it may seem to do is to practice No Contact....do not phone him, do not take his calls...if he leaves a message erase it before you listen to it...do not read his emails or answer his text messages....No Contact....give yourself a month at least before any interaction with him and work on yourself...go to Al-Anon meetings...write in a journal....write and read on this site....go for long walks....call a friend and go for coffee....get out of the house as much as you can when you are able...have hot baths and paint your nails...just do not contact him....
He needs to manage his own disease....you can not control it...or him...
Love and big hugs...
Maggie
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