isitme

So I guess this is a kind of a vent.. since the ABF's nice period has worn off.
Why are they always "testing" us? The only nights he comes home early are the nights he wants to start a fight. I try not to engage.. but when you just can't get away from the situation it seems impossible. However I'm very proud of myself for standing my ground.

So, last night be comes home around 7:45 this is a good 2 hours or so earlier than usual. He comes in the room and I can see the puffy, droopy eyes and slight swagar. He changes clothes and I figure he's just headed back out. Instead he starts the saying how he's sorry things have been so messed up but it's just something he's go to figure out on his own. I thought he was talking about the drinking, but he will NEVER actaully explain anything so I naturally wonder just What he is talking about. After proding he tells me he needs THREE GRAND!! Yes, as in $3,000! What for? Of course he can't tell me but continues that if I really care I would give it to him. I say emphatically NO. I don't have it on and on. He want's me to sign loans take advances on credit cards anything. I simply said... look, No is a complete sentence. His reply.. I have two words for you and they start with F & U.

After this we get into a more discussion where he's just "quacking" :chatter and I told him that I've learned. I don't wait on him, I don't worry about him and etc. He seems to actually be contemplating this for a minute and then starts in will all they usual tactics.. Turning the whole conversation around into things we aren't even talking about! I never do anything for him, my friends are POS's, the baby's probably not his, who comes over when he has parties, my family members are POS's, I've never given him any money.. he wants all the money he ever gave me.. on and on and on..

So once this is over he says that asking for the $3,000 is just a test!! :wtf2Of course it is! (Actually he's pulled this type of thing before) So then he keeps asking for it anyway saying it doesn't matter what it's for and that I'll get it back in 1 week. NO. The answer is still NO. I didn't put myself in this mess I have no reason to be apart of it. To which he replies if I don't give it to him we're over. Well I guess we're over then.

Of course he finally left and went where ever it is he goes. I have no idea if he's really in some debt for $3k and I don't care. I'm so sick of this crap it's not even funny. I took some time to read some extra pages of my Emotional Abuse book and remind me why I'm planning my escape.

At this point I'm seriously thinking about having my planned C-section in about 5 1/2 weeks and not even telling him. Escpecially after he told me if I didn't name the baby after him he won't even sign the birth certificate. After that I'll have 6 weeks to heal and PACK!

HopeTo180

You go girl! I agree with total admiration!

respektingme

oh dear, I'm so sorry you are going through so much stress and so close to your delivery date too. So you're saying your bf doesn't come home until 10pm most nights and when he does, he's verbally and emotionally abusive? And you've got a precious baby to bring home to his madness? I really feel for you. Childbirth is such an over the top experience. Sounds like he's out to destroy it. Can't blame you for considering not having him around. Do you have relatives you can stay with?

My immediate fear when I read your post is that he owes somebody $3k. I'd be afraid someone would be coming to collect. He certainly has screwed things up good.

isitme

I really don't know about the money. Something tells me it's just another one of his sick twisted lies. I think sometimes he comes home to start fights just so he has a reason to be gone. He's said this type of thing before so I really don't know what to believe.

Of course he's been gone most of the weekend now. I'm actually pretty glad.

I too am really scared to bring my little one home to this, plus my poor 3 year old is already living it. I pretty much know I'll be doing everything alone, so I'm not really scared to leave, it just feels like too many things to worry about right now.

I've really been trying to work on me and staying positive as not to attract more negativity into my life, however its really hard. I find myself with a really short fuse. I know I need to be easier on my daughter but sometimes I just need a break. Plus bedtime is the worst at our house. She won't go to sleep until he's home. Which means, even though I'm ready for sleep at 8 stinken 30, I never get to actually sleep till about 12 or later.

Ok, I'm just whinning now.. sorry. I wish I had some family to stay with, however they live about 1200 miles away. They are coming at the end of October to see the baby but I'm not sure how long they are staying. Also my Mom and BF had a bad encounter over email a few months back so I'm not really sure how it's going to go having my family here. I kind of hope he doesn't want to deal with it and just makes himself scarce. Plus I was told by my lawyer to start having people over to witness that he's never here, so it would be nice if my family could actually witness it. However aside from them, I bet you can guess how easy it is to have people over when you live with a Passive Agressive A.. they pretty much ran off all your friends.

It's all going to work out.. I know it will.. I just have to be strong a couple of more months. :praying

mamaplus2kids

isitme... this situation does not sound good. Could you move to your relatives for a while? Living in fear is no way to live. That your 3-year old is already living it is scary. Once my AH moved out, I was amazed at how much easier it was to deal with my kids by myself. Living with him was so much harder.

justjo

isitme.. Im proud of you honey!! Please look after yourself!
JJ

:ghug3

prodigal

It sounds to me, personally, like you are cohabitating with a man who lives two separate lifes. He is gone a lot. You do not know where he is, or with whom he is with. This is only my personal speculation, but I'd be a bit suspicious that he might have another woman; perhaps even another woman with whom he has fathered a child.

There is something I'm "hearing" in your post that just strikes me that my theory is a distinct possiblity because he is gone so much and YOU know so little of what he is doing with his life.

However, let's just say he's out with his buddies getting drunk and partying. Regardless, this is a man who doesn't care enough to come home to you other than to start a fight.

Have you considered calling your mom and moving in with her short-term? I think it would be in your best interests and the interests of your children to get away from this guy.

He sounds like bad news to me. Very bad news.

isitme

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I wish I could move in with my Mom for a little while. But I live in TX and she in WI. I have some friends I could probably stay with but with two little ones (shortly) I would rather have my own place. I have the credit to do it.. I just don't want to screw up that credit. I know it's a sorry excuse but I do think about that. What I really need to do is get a hold of my landlord and tell him (somewhat) of the situation and see what he can do to help me out of the lease so that I'm not just walking out on it.

I have numerous times thought he had someone else. I'm really not sure. He's such a sports guy that I really do think he's just out drinking and gambling. I could be wrong. He really is gone more than he's home though. I started keeping track actually 25/35 nights he was home later than 10pm.. and of those 10 nights 5 of them were past 9 pm.

I really am just trying on getting my baby here (healthy) and then moving on from there. If he stays gone most of the time.. well all the better.

HopeTo180

isitme,
I think you're in total CONTROL of your situation.
I think you've already decided WHAT to do.
I think you'll know WHEN the time is right.
I think you'll be one HAPPY woman when all is complete!
Prayers

mamaplus2kids

If that's what you need to do... DO IT! Are both your names on the lease? Perhaps you could take your name off, leaving his! You could find a new place to live before this baby comes. It would also mean that you would find somebody (a friend or relative) to help you with the 3-year old once the baby comes. I wouldn't count on him to do this! You have already said he will not help.

isitme

Nope, that's part of the problem. Only my name is on the lease.. and it's an unfortunate $1130 a month

The rest of the weekend was not horrible.. so that's good. It just kills me how the A's can just go along acting like nothing has happend. Selective memory I guess. I wish it was that easy for all of us!

mamaplus2kids

Well, talk to your landlord, as this is what you wanted to do anyway. But maybe before you do this, you could find yourself another place to live that's not so expensive... If he's asking you for three grand, where is his share of the rent going to come from? It looks like you have no choice but to act.

I'm relieved to read that your weekend was not horrible. You deserve better than "not horrible". You deserve a weekend that is fabulous! As for the selective memory, don't get me started on that. I think they start to believe their own lies!

isitme

Thanks.. You made me smile!!