Lashing out to make yourself feel better...OT
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Lashing out to make yourself feel better...OT
I read something on another thread that was personally upsetting, not because I care about this particular poster or give any credence to what was said, but I've read similar insults, for lack of a better term, from this person and don't understand why they are so vile and seemingly hateful. I think it's because that used to be me.
Before I got into recovery and got off my high horse, I used to do the same things, this was mostly in high school and in my early twenties. The backhanded compliments, the insults, the degrading remarks, then the tags on the end with the pot stirring comment knowing you're going to p*ss someone off, but waiting for that thrill of hearing what they say back, just so you're sure you got them. This used to make me feel better. For a few moments I could escape the h*ll of my own life by making someone else as miserable as I was, even if it was for just a minute.
I am thankful this is not be anymore, however, I am sad that it exist on this board. I know I can't control someone else's behavior and that I can take what I like and leave the rest, however, I don't understand why someone would come to what should be a respectful, calm and welcoming place and do that. It's sad to me really.
Before I got into recovery and got off my high horse, I used to do the same things, this was mostly in high school and in my early twenties. The backhanded compliments, the insults, the degrading remarks, then the tags on the end with the pot stirring comment knowing you're going to p*ss someone off, but waiting for that thrill of hearing what they say back, just so you're sure you got them. This used to make me feel better. For a few moments I could escape the h*ll of my own life by making someone else as miserable as I was, even if it was for just a minute.
I am thankful this is not be anymore, however, I am sad that it exist on this board. I know I can't control someone else's behavior and that I can take what I like and leave the rest, however, I don't understand why someone would come to what should be a respectful, calm and welcoming place and do that. It's sad to me really.
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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NYChick,
Unfortunately, it happens. If a poster is particularly hateful or angry or punitive, we mods will usually PM that person and ask him or her to be a bit more gentle with people, especially newcomers.
What I have seen in my time on SR (6 yrs in August!) is much the same as what I see in my Al Anon meetings. People come in and they are angry and frightened and they don't want to be here. Some of them stay, and they slowly learn a healthier way of dealing with the stuff in their lives. Some of them leave and they don't come back. Others stay, but they just seem to be stuck. They are stuck in their pain and their fear and their toxic lifestyle and they can't seem to get out. They ask for advice but are paralyzed... they can't seem to take any action other than continuing to ask for help or suggestions.
Others seem to think they have all the answers. They left a bad relationship or they put their kid in treatment and they are sure they did the ONLY right thing. And they will tell anyone and everyone exactly what they did and why it works and that everyone else should immediately do the same..... when in reality, each person's situation is different. Each of us has to make our own decisions in our own time.
Many people come to these forums and don't work a 12-step recovery program. And we still welcome them here. We are here to support friends and family members of people who are substance abusers and alcoholics. Some of us have recovery via a 12 step program and some of us don't. Some of us still live with partners/parents/children who are active in their disease. Some of us have left a horribly abusive situation. Some of us are left behind because our loved one decided to take his or her own life.
I understand what you're saying, and I'm sad that it happens too. I hope that those who stay and continue to post are able to take what they like and leave the rest.... and that they know how to push the "ignore" button on those posters who rub them the wrong way.
Thanks.
Cats
Unfortunately, it happens. If a poster is particularly hateful or angry or punitive, we mods will usually PM that person and ask him or her to be a bit more gentle with people, especially newcomers.
What I have seen in my time on SR (6 yrs in August!) is much the same as what I see in my Al Anon meetings. People come in and they are angry and frightened and they don't want to be here. Some of them stay, and they slowly learn a healthier way of dealing with the stuff in their lives. Some of them leave and they don't come back. Others stay, but they just seem to be stuck. They are stuck in their pain and their fear and their toxic lifestyle and they can't seem to get out. They ask for advice but are paralyzed... they can't seem to take any action other than continuing to ask for help or suggestions.
Others seem to think they have all the answers. They left a bad relationship or they put their kid in treatment and they are sure they did the ONLY right thing. And they will tell anyone and everyone exactly what they did and why it works and that everyone else should immediately do the same..... when in reality, each person's situation is different. Each of us has to make our own decisions in our own time.
Many people come to these forums and don't work a 12-step recovery program. And we still welcome them here. We are here to support friends and family members of people who are substance abusers and alcoholics. Some of us have recovery via a 12 step program and some of us don't. Some of us still live with partners/parents/children who are active in their disease. Some of us have left a horribly abusive situation. Some of us are left behind because our loved one decided to take his or her own life.
I understand what you're saying, and I'm sad that it happens too. I hope that those who stay and continue to post are able to take what they like and leave the rest.... and that they know how to push the "ignore" button on those posters who rub them the wrong way.
Thanks.
Cats
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