Sarah2003

...I'm there.

I just can't seem to focus on anything but recovery.
My work is suffering~~I've lost my passion.
I'm not doing the typical things I usually keep up with at home~~organizing, decorating/projects, landscaping and it gets cleaned only because I have a couple of cleaning ladies who come in every two weeks.
I have remained involved and attentive to my children. That has not been an issue.

I'm not obsessed with AH's recovery~~I've been able to successful detach about 98% of the time.

I just don't seem to have the drive and energy of *me" anymore. I feel, in a way, that I've lost who I am.

I'd appreciate any suggestions or insight from others who've landed in obsessionville. I've resided here for the past three months now.

Thanks for listening,

S

EyesOpen

I'm in the same boat. I can't focus on anything that requires serious mental power.

Only thing I can say, is not to get guilty about it. Be kind to yourself. Scale back on what you're trying to accomplish.

You don't have to go full-speed ahead, like nothing's wrong and it doesn't bother you.

Something is wrong.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Time will heal..............

Sarah2003

EyesOpen,

Thanks for the quick response! I appreciate your support.

I can handle my closests not getting organized or a couple of weeds in my garden.

I'm struggling with work more than anything. And I do feel guilty! I have a job that requires me to be "on" every day, all day. I'm charged with making things happen, and it ain't happenin'! A few at work do know of my situation and are supportive, and none have said anything about my work performance, but I do know that I'm not delievering 100%~~~heck, I'm not even delivering 20% these days! That is just not me, and it's affecting my self-confidence as well as my desire to win.

I'm taking care of the day to day details, putting out the normal fires etc, but it's an effort for me to do the major nature of my work. I guess it also doesn't help that I run an office by myself. All my support staff and business associates are located in other states.

Again....thanks for listening.

S

constant

Well I went looking for some really good advice for you, but couldn't find it. I remember a thread some time back on being in between.....maybe that is where you are.......does anyone else remember or know how to find it?

Just keep your chin up and go through the motions....treat yourself special and I am sure that you will come around.

((((((((((Sarah)))))))))))
Peace, Constant

margo

http://soberrecovery.com/forums/show...&threadid=2910

meme

hi S,

Sometimes the situation can seem all consuming, like smoke in a burning building. Believe me I have experienced it. When I am in it, it is hard to see beyond the smoke. But I have learned to stop and remember that God is always with me. Slowly I can feel his loving arms around me and I can start to breath again. He will not allow anything to take me under. My faith is my life line that pulls me out. I was thinking eariler about dealing with an A (my husband)...it's kind of like seeing that person drowning. You want to help them so you throw in a life perserver. You are holding onto the rope attached to the perserver...if you are not careful and strong the person you are trying to help can pull you down with them. I realize I can do a better job if I stay strong and healthy. I hope I am making some sense to you. I am now taking one step at a time. Not even one day at a time, but one minute at a time. God bless you.
Peace and Love,
meme

EyesOpen

Sarah:
Yes, my ability to function at work has suffered terribly for about 2 years now. I work in a technical field (computers) with all men, and it requires a lot of mental concentration.

It got to the point it was so bad, I was feeling like I was so worthless, that I turned in my resignation. I just couldn't cope with my husband and job at the same time. (Now I realize that move wasn't loyalty to my marriage, that was INSANE. Codependency to the max.)

My supervisor must have sensed I was a wreck and asked me to reconsider and take a six-month leave of absence instead. I gratefully accepted.

So, for six months, I dedicated myself to trying to make my marriage work. Guess what? Things didn't get any better. My XAH had said that me being stressed from work was causing him to drink. But, when I quit working and stayed home to love on him 24/7 , guess what? HE STILL DRANK!!!!!!!!!

I'm back at work now, and the XAH is gone, but the ability to concentrate is still a battle. I too wonder about my work performance and what people must be thinking about me.....

Meme is right about asking God for help. I have finally learned to do that.

Another thing is to pick something small, and work on it each day. Being able to see that you at least accomplished one thing will help keep those feelings of being overwhelmed at bay.

And Sarah, yes, I got weeds in the garden too....

JT

Hi,

Last year was like that for me. My daughter in law died of a heroin overdose, the Beav was in rehab and my precious grandson was suffering. I know I was depressed. I was grieving. Could that be the same for you all? Grieving is grieving...a relationship or a death or a dream.

Also change is difficult. A change in a job, a relationship... Stress is also a factor. I sometimes have difficulty concentrating and it is usually because I have too much on my mind.

I had to take a step back and read a novel, watch a movie, veg. I have to take a break from these boards once in a while. Grieving takes time and depression is treatable. I am 51 and last year I started taking an antidepressant. I have been working my program for 10 years and I got tired, especially with my grandson's mothers death.

You can take a night off...take a bath, read a trashy novel......a walk. I, too. love my home and decorating and making sure things are tidy. I had to step back, look at myself, clean up my mess, be good to myself and let time pass. I also saw my doctor.

That's my story,
Hugs,
JT

Sarah2003

Constant, Margo, Meme, EyesOpen and Just Tired.....

I appreciate your warm replies and support.

Constant and Margo~~thanks for the In Between link. That is an awesome reading, and perfect for me right now. I've read and copied it in the past, but had forgotten about it. Thanks for bringing it back to my attention.

meme~~Yes.....my faith in God is what has pulled me through the toughest of times. Your reply reminded me that I need to take the time to relax, pray and meditate. Excellent analogy with the life presesrver. Actually, this is the first time in 20 years that I haven't attempted to "save" him, and that may have a lot to do with what I'm feeling right now.

EyesOpen~~Thanks for sharing your story.....your supervisor must think highly of you to offer the leave of absence. I'm sorry to hear of everything you went through, and I guess this is why we're here on this earth~~~to love, to give and to LEARN. We sure are learning, huh?!?! I think so much of my issue has to do with how I much I identify myself with what I do~~my job. I've always been a star.....I also work in a male-dominated industry...with lots of men in suits. I have the ability to negotiate and win business with the best of them. I just don't have the drive right now. A job as a Wal-Mart greeter does sound appealing these days, but I think I'd miss my paycheck! The trade off, however, is reduced pressure and stress. I'm sure that's a worthwhile trade-off, and it may come to that one day. Right now, today, I'm gonna strive to make things happen. I woke up early this morning and put a happy smile on~~wore my favorite suit~~and I'm off to a client presentation. We'll see what happens.

JT~~my heart goes out to you. You went through many difficult and traumatic events last year. In reading your posts during the last few months, you certainly are a strong woman. Always there, jumping in to support others, always with style and humor. I admire you. And I never thought of it as grieving before, but that is exactly what I am doing. I want the life I dreamed of. I don't consider myself idealistic~~if I were, I would have bailed years ago. I crave a sense of safety/security~~in a non-physical sense. I feel like I've lived on the edge for so long~~~and the walls just came tumbling down. Now I see AH sober and active in recovery. This is good. We do remain separated and sometimes I feel so lonely, but it is for the best right now. Thanks for your insight and for sharing with me. I appreciate your support.

Much Love,

S

jessieandme2003

I just wanted to chime in that I went through the same thing. So now you can see it is a common step in recovery for so many of us.
I was also afraid fro my job. I was having a hard time focusing, and am also in the high-pressure computer (software) field. I was just getting by. I was a zombie in social situations, just faking it so as not to be rude. I couldn't enjoy a TV show or music on the radio.
But thankfully, you'll find that people around you are kind and compassionate. They will understand, as did everyone around me. And it is OK to just let things go for a bit. Do things that you feel comfortable doing. I started doing jigsaw puzzles (a long lost pleasure) while having the TV on for company. I don't know why, but I was able to concentrate enough to do that. More so than a movie, a conversation or a book.
But what drew me out was successful detachment from my AH and more interaction with other people in my life. The more I interacted with others the less time I spent on obsessive thought. I made lots of calls each night, and set up lots of social plans.
Don't give up.

myles1

I found I was in burnout for months after I canned my ex because the stress I'd been under with him was so tremendous. I found I couldn't focus on anything.

Ngaire