Hope for Today - July 23, 2008
Living in a Pinkful Place
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Hope for Today - July 23, 2008
Courage to Change states "Resentments mark the places where I see myself as a victim." Occasional I felt buried under my resentments. They drained my energy each day as I thought of them. My insides felt corroded from bitterness. Feeling resentment was like drinking poison and hoping the person I resented would die!
I often felt like there was nothing I could do, yet the truth was I knew what to do - work the Steps on my resentments, and let my Higher Power lift them from me. However, I felt such resistance to this that I needed to ask myself, "What do I get out of feeling like a victim?" As I pondered this question, my Higher Power slowly opened my awareness. I felt protected by my resentments. They acted as a barbed wire fence to keep away the people I felt had hurt me. The problem was I kept pricking my own skin on the barbs. I also was comfortable with my resentments. I wondered who I'd be without them, beause they were as familiar to me as my own skin.
Realizing that my resentments are not necessary or protective opened the door to change. I began relying on my Higher Power to show me healthier ways to speak for myself in situations where I felt hurt or damaged. I took a deep breath and allowed my Higher Power to dismantle a powerfully self-destructive character defect. I became entirely willing.
Thought for the Day
Do I have a character defect I use to protect myself? Do I need it anymore?
"It is not enough merely to see that we have faults and make vague resolutions to do better. It takes definite effort to make ourselves receptive."
The Twelve Steps and Traditions, p.6
I often felt like there was nothing I could do, yet the truth was I knew what to do - work the Steps on my resentments, and let my Higher Power lift them from me. However, I felt such resistance to this that I needed to ask myself, "What do I get out of feeling like a victim?" As I pondered this question, my Higher Power slowly opened my awareness. I felt protected by my resentments. They acted as a barbed wire fence to keep away the people I felt had hurt me. The problem was I kept pricking my own skin on the barbs. I also was comfortable with my resentments. I wondered who I'd be without them, beause they were as familiar to me as my own skin.
Realizing that my resentments are not necessary or protective opened the door to change. I began relying on my Higher Power to show me healthier ways to speak for myself in situations where I felt hurt or damaged. I took a deep breath and allowed my Higher Power to dismantle a powerfully self-destructive character defect. I became entirely willing.
Thought for the Day
Do I have a character defect I use to protect myself? Do I need it anymore?
"It is not enough merely to see that we have faults and make vague resolutions to do better. It takes definite effort to make ourselves receptive."
The Twelve Steps and Traditions, p.6
Living in a Pinkful Place
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
[QUOTE=Japic05;1844379
I felt protected by my resentments. They acted as a barbed wire fence to keep away the people I felt had hurt me. The problem was I kept pricking my own skin on the barbs. I also was comfortable with my resentments. I wondered who I'd be without them, beause they were as familiar to me as my own skin.[/QUOTE]
When I went to meet with my AH's counselor during one stay at rehab in February 2003, she suggested I attend Al-Anon. I replied thru clenched teeth "I am never going to any meeting that is going to make me believe his lies again"
I was strongly holding on to my resentments. I had been deeply hurt over the previous 10 yrs of the A's behaviors. My mind & heart was not open to another way.
Six months later, after still feeling Hungry, Angry, Lonely & Tired - by my HP's grace I found my way into an Al-Anon meeting and by actually working the program not just joining the fellowship - I have been give the freedom from those resentments and the ability to work thru any other resentment as they come up in my life.
On Sept 2, 2008 - I will have 5 yrs in this wonderful program of Al-Anon -
Thank you to the God of my understanding for not giving up on that woman who said she would never go to a meeting.
Thanks for letting me share my e, s, & h.
Rita
I felt protected by my resentments. They acted as a barbed wire fence to keep away the people I felt had hurt me. The problem was I kept pricking my own skin on the barbs. I also was comfortable with my resentments. I wondered who I'd be without them, beause they were as familiar to me as my own skin.[/QUOTE]
When I went to meet with my AH's counselor during one stay at rehab in February 2003, she suggested I attend Al-Anon. I replied thru clenched teeth "I am never going to any meeting that is going to make me believe his lies again"
I was strongly holding on to my resentments. I had been deeply hurt over the previous 10 yrs of the A's behaviors. My mind & heart was not open to another way.
Six months later, after still feeling Hungry, Angry, Lonely & Tired - by my HP's grace I found my way into an Al-Anon meeting and by actually working the program not just joining the fellowship - I have been give the freedom from those resentments and the ability to work thru any other resentment as they come up in my life.
On Sept 2, 2008 - I will have 5 yrs in this wonderful program of Al-Anon -
Thank you to the God of my understanding for not giving up on that woman who said she would never go to a meeting.
Thanks for letting me share my e, s, & h.
Rita
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