The Swimming Pool and the Quest
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The Swimming Pool and the Quest
I'm reading this amazing book right now. It's called Healing the Soul in the Age of the Brain: Why Medication Isn't Enough by Elio Frattaroli: Amazon.com: Healing the Soul in the Age of the Brain: Why Medication Isn't Enough: Elio Frattaroli: Books
The chapter I'm currently reading is "The Swimming Pool and the Quest." I'm going to paraphrase the idea here, but I highly recommend this book. It's all about how therapists today tend to treat patients like numbers, medicating the symptoms rather than helping people understand how to use their symptoms as milestones along the path to greater understanding.
Frattaroli relates the story of how he tried to teach his son to ride a bicycle. He held onto the back of the bike and told his son to avoid falling by looking straight ahead and pedalling. The bike kept tilting and his son kept turning his head to make sure his father was still holding on. "What if you let go and I fall?" the son pleaded. "I won't let go and you won't fall!" responded Frattaroli. "Just turn around and pedal!" They kept this up for some time until the son had a headache and Frattaroli had a backache. Both father and son were disappointed.
The next day Frattaroli arrived home from work to see his son happily pedaling his two-wheeler up and down the driveway. It was a life-changing moment for him when his son told him that an older neighbor boy had taught him how to ride his bike by simply explaining, "In order to ride a bike, the first thing you have to do is fall down a lot of times."
Simply, Frattaroli had been trying to teach his son to ride by making him afraid of falling. In other words, "falling down is bad." The neighbor boy had used the "falling down is good" philosophy and helped the son understand that falling down would lead to the desired result.
Frattaroli goes on to talk about a college friend who explained his philosophy of life being like swimming laps in a swimming pool. It went like this: "You put your head down, you dive in, and you go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. Every once in a while you bump into someone, and you say 'excuse me.' Then you put your head down again and go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth."
According to this swimming pool philosophy, the purpose of life is to stay afloat, to function smoothly, maintaining the equilibrium of the status quo. Bumping into other swimmers is to be avoided as much as possible. In other words, falling down is bad.
The quest philosophy, in which falling down is good, is symbolized by the Arthurian myth of the quest for the grail. It's an adventurous seeking of a higher or better state. According to the quest philosophy, the purpose of life is to pursue this higher state by progressing through a series of difficult, dangerous trials. Trials often involve bumping into other people. Each time you successfully master one of these trials you are that much closer to the ultimate goal, which is inherently worth pursuing. But the process of undergoing a trial inevitably involves some error; you cannot find your way to the next level without learning from your mistakes. Therefore, falling down is good.
I view the whole process of recovery from my codependency as a quest. Obviously, it involves falling down a lot. I totally appreciated Frattaroli for explaining it so clearly and I appreciate my new therapist (first appointment is tomorrow!) for putting the suggestion to read this book on her web site.
The chapter I'm currently reading is "The Swimming Pool and the Quest." I'm going to paraphrase the idea here, but I highly recommend this book. It's all about how therapists today tend to treat patients like numbers, medicating the symptoms rather than helping people understand how to use their symptoms as milestones along the path to greater understanding.
Frattaroli relates the story of how he tried to teach his son to ride a bicycle. He held onto the back of the bike and told his son to avoid falling by looking straight ahead and pedalling. The bike kept tilting and his son kept turning his head to make sure his father was still holding on. "What if you let go and I fall?" the son pleaded. "I won't let go and you won't fall!" responded Frattaroli. "Just turn around and pedal!" They kept this up for some time until the son had a headache and Frattaroli had a backache. Both father and son were disappointed.
The next day Frattaroli arrived home from work to see his son happily pedaling his two-wheeler up and down the driveway. It was a life-changing moment for him when his son told him that an older neighbor boy had taught him how to ride his bike by simply explaining, "In order to ride a bike, the first thing you have to do is fall down a lot of times."
Simply, Frattaroli had been trying to teach his son to ride by making him afraid of falling. In other words, "falling down is bad." The neighbor boy had used the "falling down is good" philosophy and helped the son understand that falling down would lead to the desired result.
Frattaroli goes on to talk about a college friend who explained his philosophy of life being like swimming laps in a swimming pool. It went like this: "You put your head down, you dive in, and you go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. Every once in a while you bump into someone, and you say 'excuse me.' Then you put your head down again and go back and forth and back and forth and back and forth."
According to this swimming pool philosophy, the purpose of life is to stay afloat, to function smoothly, maintaining the equilibrium of the status quo. Bumping into other swimmers is to be avoided as much as possible. In other words, falling down is bad.
The quest philosophy, in which falling down is good, is symbolized by the Arthurian myth of the quest for the grail. It's an adventurous seeking of a higher or better state. According to the quest philosophy, the purpose of life is to pursue this higher state by progressing through a series of difficult, dangerous trials. Trials often involve bumping into other people. Each time you successfully master one of these trials you are that much closer to the ultimate goal, which is inherently worth pursuing. But the process of undergoing a trial inevitably involves some error; you cannot find your way to the next level without learning from your mistakes. Therefore, falling down is good.
I view the whole process of recovery from my codependency as a quest. Obviously, it involves falling down a lot. I totally appreciated Frattaroli for explaining it so clearly and I appreciate my new therapist (first appointment is tomorrow!) for putting the suggestion to read this book on her web site.
Last edited by starflier; 07-14-2008 at 02:00 PM.
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