I don't know what to do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 3
I don't know what to do.
Hi, I'm new here and have a problem. You see, my dad has been sober for about 19 months now, and when I came home tonight he was drunk (very drunk). I know a lot of people who have struggled through sporadic drinking while trying to become sober, and I know that most of them have come through, but I really don't know how to react to this. I'm 17 and he has been drinking heavily for most, if not all of, my life and I've never had to deal with this kind of thing before. It was usually just a expected thing for him to be drinking the next day but now I don't know what to expect. I don't want him to drink again, but I fear that if I expect him to wake up in the morning and realize what happened and never do it again (which isn't probable) then I'll just end up disappointed and even more upset than I am now. I'm really at a loss for what to do. Any advice?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Welcome to SR!
Have you tried Al-Anon or Al-ateen?
My father finally quit drinking after 45 years. He did it when he was ready, the only thing I could do was get help for me.
Stick around and read. There is so much support here.
Have you tried Al-Anon or Al-ateen?
My father finally quit drinking after 45 years. He did it when he was ready, the only thing I could do was get help for me.
Stick around and read. There is so much support here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 3
No, I've never tried Al-Anon or Al-ateen. This is the first time that I've ever felt like this. Before I knew how to handle it. I read books and talked to people who I knew that have gone through what I was going through, but now I have nothing. Maybe sleeping on it is the best, but this is something I truly don't know how to deal with.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hi Endrias--
First of all, (((hugs))) for your hard time and welcome!
I was a teenager when my Dad finally got into sobriety/recovery and I remember those cycles of hope and fear and disappointment.
Some stuff I learned since then is that there really isn't anything you can "do" in relation to him. You can "do" something for yourself, and that is to remind yourself that his recovery is his alone. 100%. No amount of worrying, awfulizing, or dramatic confrontations will affect his recovery. But that kind of stuff can drag you down and damage you.
You can really only let go. I mean you could share with him that "coming home and finding him drunk frightened you, and that you care for him and hope he can get back on track." But you can't have amy expectation that your comments will result in anything from him. You can say it because you need to express your fears to your father. They are rational fears after all.
And then you have to let it go.
The hardest thing for me to control in myself is having hope (so I don't succumb to despair) but no expectations.
Ditto Latte about checking out AlAteen or AlAnon-- I didn't know about these at your age - and when I finally got into it in my twenties it was a lifesaver! Gives you lots of tools.
Peace,
B.
First of all, (((hugs))) for your hard time and welcome!
I was a teenager when my Dad finally got into sobriety/recovery and I remember those cycles of hope and fear and disappointment.
Some stuff I learned since then is that there really isn't anything you can "do" in relation to him. You can "do" something for yourself, and that is to remind yourself that his recovery is his alone. 100%. No amount of worrying, awfulizing, or dramatic confrontations will affect his recovery. But that kind of stuff can drag you down and damage you.
You can really only let go. I mean you could share with him that "coming home and finding him drunk frightened you, and that you care for him and hope he can get back on track." But you can't have amy expectation that your comments will result in anything from him. You can say it because you need to express your fears to your father. They are rational fears after all.
And then you have to let it go.
The hardest thing for me to control in myself is having hope (so I don't succumb to despair) but no expectations.
Ditto Latte about checking out AlAteen or AlAnon-- I didn't know about these at your age - and when I finally got into it in my twenties it was a lifesaver! Gives you lots of tools.
Peace,
B.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Bernadette & Latte had some great suggestions for you! I'll ditto on the Alanon or Alateen. Depending on the group, Alateen may be the best venue for you at 17. There will be more people your age in an Alateen and you may relate to the group better.
Take care of YOU!!!
gentle hugs
Take care of YOU!!!
gentle hugs
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