Clueless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Great Lake Country
Posts: 333
I figure about 6 to 12 months on the outside. She's getting more irrational by the day, and does just completely strange things. I've read the posts on potential, and its just so sad to see someone try to destroy themselves and everything good in their life.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Reddmax
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with the chaos that living with an alcoholic brings. Unfortunately, this is a very selfish disease. The alcoholic will do ANYTHING to ensure that nothing comes between them and their drink of choice. It was much easier for me to brush off the mean words by thinking "it's the disease talking".
We become the obstacle between them and their drinking. We become "the enemy". The A is always posed for a fight for the right to drink. Detachment is a way of saying "I don't want to be the enemy anymore. I'm tired. I don't want to fight." The reason it feels awful to them is because now they have to face up to the fact that there are no barriers between them and alcohol. The only fight they have (if they choose to fight it) is with themselves and that is VERY uncomfortable for them.
You do what YOU need to do for yourself. My brother is a therapist. He told me that when we change our behavior, the other person will go into a frenzy of trying to get us to stay in the previous behavior pattern. It is very frustrating to them. Look at it this way, if she's frustrated......perhaps you're doing something right!
Stick around here....even though a majority on here are women, there are several men. We are here to support and to be supported. It helps.
gentle hugs
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with the chaos that living with an alcoholic brings. Unfortunately, this is a very selfish disease. The alcoholic will do ANYTHING to ensure that nothing comes between them and their drink of choice. It was much easier for me to brush off the mean words by thinking "it's the disease talking".
We become the obstacle between them and their drinking. We become "the enemy". The A is always posed for a fight for the right to drink. Detachment is a way of saying "I don't want to be the enemy anymore. I'm tired. I don't want to fight." The reason it feels awful to them is because now they have to face up to the fact that there are no barriers between them and alcohol. The only fight they have (if they choose to fight it) is with themselves and that is VERY uncomfortable for them.
You do what YOU need to do for yourself. My brother is a therapist. He told me that when we change our behavior, the other person will go into a frenzy of trying to get us to stay in the previous behavior pattern. It is very frustrating to them. Look at it this way, if she's frustrated......perhaps you're doing something right!
Stick around here....even though a majority on here are women, there are several men. We are here to support and to be supported. It helps.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 169
You do what YOU need to do for yourself. My brother is a therapist. He told me that when we change our behavior, the other person will go into a frenzy of trying to get us to stay in the previous behavior pattern. It is very frustrating to them. Look at it this way, if she's frustrated......perhaps you're doing something right!
Thank you for posting that, Kindeyes. I am only beginning to change my behavior, and I'm still constantly making mistakes, but I'm also starting to see the bewilderment on my A's part, wondering what's going on. Now it makes sense!
Thank you for posting that, Kindeyes. I am only beginning to change my behavior, and I'm still constantly making mistakes, but I'm also starting to see the bewilderment on my A's part, wondering what's going on. Now it makes sense!
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