His temper...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Bennington, VT
Posts: 8
His temper...
Some of you may remember, I posted near the beginning of the year about my fiance getting his 4th DUI. This happened on Jan. 3rd. Finally, just this past week, he was sentenced to 1-4yrs house arrest with ISAP (Intense Substance Abuse Program). He was also charged with Possession of Marijuana with a prior and was sentenced 30 days in jail to be served on weekends. Not too bad considering the alternitive ya know! I have been here for all of this, all the calander calls, been supportive in any way I could. My problem now is his temper. Is this a normal thing... to just lose control of his temper all the time? (maybe because of the alcohol withdrawel?) He is doing the ISAP program three times a week, and has just started going to AA and has to go three times a week there too. Will these programs teach him anger management too? Or at least some kind of control? I've been dealing with this for a while, and letting it just go through me because of the circumstances but when is it enough? I can't sit back much longer and "take it". I love him and want to be with him, I want to help him... ugh...
Thanks for listening... it helps to vent!
Julie
Thanks for listening... it helps to vent!
Julie
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Julie...
Lovely. Home incarceration. A sentence the whole family can enjoy. Are you in any position to take a little "vacation"? Withdrawing from alcohol hurts, anger can certainly be a manifestation of that. And I daresay that having my freedom curtailed would make me a pretty cranky camper, too. So I'd say his attitude doesn't sound that weird. But is there any way you can insulate yourself from it? You have your weekends, thank heaven. Just because the anger is understandable doesn't mean you need to sit around and soak it up. And if he gets lonesome, maybe he'll realize that he'll have to show a little self control if he wants company.
Hugs,
Smoke
Lovely. Home incarceration. A sentence the whole family can enjoy. Are you in any position to take a little "vacation"? Withdrawing from alcohol hurts, anger can certainly be a manifestation of that. And I daresay that having my freedom curtailed would make me a pretty cranky camper, too. So I'd say his attitude doesn't sound that weird. But is there any way you can insulate yourself from it? You have your weekends, thank heaven. Just because the anger is understandable doesn't mean you need to sit around and soak it up. And if he gets lonesome, maybe he'll realize that he'll have to show a little self control if he wants company.
Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Oh Smoke you have such a wonderful way with words. I totally agree with you on this one!
What I am sort of frozen with is that my husband went through the intensive substance abuse program only to get ticked off when it was over and start again. Is he willing to stop or just being made to by the courts? Be careful...those withdrawal tempers can be bad and you really should try to find somewhere to go. WOW...what a situation. I think you should trust Smoke on this one! She is very smart about this sort of thing!
Hugs,
2many2count
What I am sort of frozen with is that my husband went through the intensive substance abuse program only to get ticked off when it was over and start again. Is he willing to stop or just being made to by the courts? Be careful...those withdrawal tempers can be bad and you really should try to find somewhere to go. WOW...what a situation. I think you should trust Smoke on this one! She is very smart about this sort of thing!
Hugs,
2many2count
Member
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: North Vancouver, British Columbia
Posts: 1,714
Hi Julie - hopefully your husband will be able to benefit from the programs in time. Although he is reluctant right now, it's a real possibility that something will "click" for him and he will be able to see that he really does need the help that is being "forced" on him at this time. In the meantime, try to remember that his anger isn't about you, even though you're the one on the receiving end of it. No fair, eh?! Do you have somewhere that you can "escape" to when things get ugly - to a friend or family member, or a meeting? Don't feel that you have to stay there for it - even just a drive, a walk, or taking yourself out for ice-cream will give you some distance for a while. It can really help to have a plan in place for when the going gets rough. You can still love him and support him, but don't forget that you need to find support for you, too!
Love and hugs.
Love and hugs.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
House arrest?? OMG a chill went up my spine. My son goes to court for the final sentence (one could hope) Fri........God couldn't be yucking it up THAT much could He??
Dr Phil said "You can call me an SOB but you will be doing it long distance" If he gets ornry leave...if he starts again leave again. He may get lonely and he sure can't follow you!!
Hugs,
JT
Dr Phil said "You can call me an SOB but you will be doing it long distance" If he gets ornry leave...if he starts again leave again. He may get lonely and he sure can't follow you!!
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
Don't let him take out his anger on you!
Listen to the others and get away if he gets grumpy. The ISAP you spoke about might have a session on anger management. My husband is in a group where there is a large percentage of people who are mandated to attend by the court (DWI...). They are evaluated and then a schedule is agreed upon. One group that he had to attend (For 10 weeks) included a section on anger management. Some of the people in his group also had to go to weekly anger management groups.
I went with my husband to a 'couples' session with a counselor. If that is available to you than you might want to attend. You can bring up the idea of anger management to a counselor then.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
NoDoubt
Listen to the others and get away if he gets grumpy. The ISAP you spoke about might have a session on anger management. My husband is in a group where there is a large percentage of people who are mandated to attend by the court (DWI...). They are evaluated and then a schedule is agreed upon. One group that he had to attend (For 10 weeks) included a section on anger management. Some of the people in his group also had to go to weekly anger management groups.
I went with my husband to a 'couples' session with a counselor. If that is available to you than you might want to attend. You can bring up the idea of anger management to a counselor then.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
NoDoubt
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