dor5711

My SO is out of his coma. His brother was going to see him and then report back to me so I don't have any details yet. But where do we go from here? There's still the problem of alcohol. But after facing the very real possibility of never seeing him again, I realize that I do love him very much and don't want to lose him. I've been guilty of treating him like crap even when he is sober -- I guess because I'm scared. And he deserves support not knocking down. Don't get me wrong...I don't condone what he has done and I will not tolerate or enable him if he makes the wrong choices. He is responsible for his actions and I won't feel guilty about that. But is it possible to move forward? I'm certainly hoping this crisis scared the hell out of him.

Thanks,
Doreen

jacki123

why not write him a letter saying how you feel, im sure he would appreciate it. and it may make you feel better aswell.

Barbara52

Only time is going to show whether he does something about his drinking or not. In the meantime you can work on you and figure out what you want for yourself going forward.

SailorKaren

Yes, exactly. And you will need to see a new track record of good choices. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and he needs to establish a new pattern for you, that you can rely on to develop reassurance going forward. I would also think about what the deal breakers would be for yourself, and what you might be willing to accept in the event of a relapse. I'd be interested in what some others here with more experience might say, but I wonder if a single relapse would be enough to end it with you (OK if it is!), or could the two of you develop a plan. I don't know, something like he'll have to move out for xx months of abstinence, go to AA, etc.
Karen

dor5711

We have been living apart for over 3 months. I had had enough when he was drunk on the day of my father's funeral. He went to rehab (again) and a sober house and had been doing well attending AA, outpatient therapy and working. I was under the impression he fell apart 10 days ago and starting drinking and that caused his seizure and coma. That's what his brother told me. My SO came out of the coma two days ago and when I spoke to him yesterday, he says the seizure and coma was due to Wellbutin not drinking. He does not lie to me when he is sober so I do believe that. Therefore, he plans to go back to the sober house and continue his recovery. We are in touch but I am no way near ready to accept him back in my house. If and when that happens, we will need to have a "plan".

Thank you,
Doreen