hbb

(((NY)))

I felt as though J won too! They didn't win anything. We have to see that maybe WE are the winners because now we are out of the havoc, chaos and drama. There's no more wondering if/when he's going to quit drinking, come home drunk, relapse if he quits and so on. I'm the last person to probably give advice as i'm struggling too but i know EXACTLY how it feels to think as though he won.....you'll see, he didn't.

What are you doing for YOU this long weekend? Any good plans, come down to MA to the beach with me

Just remember one day at a time!

:ghug3

hbb

AMEN! It's sooo true!

NYC_Chick

Thanks again everyone.

I woke up today not feeling any different, but I took that as a good sign because it means I am that much closer to doing the work I really need to do. It's hard and it hurts and I don't want to do it, BUT I have to. I'm going to do some work this weekend, but give myself a chance to have fun, too. My friends have planned a girls night out. Dinner and dancing on Saturday. Sunday, I going to try to rent a car and go to the beach. I haven't been in a long time, so I'll try that.

i4getsm

I keep going back to your posts to see what I'm missing. I think I finally found it. Please tell me how you feel responsible for all of this? I don't get it. Yes, every person has some responsibility in a relationship but you are taking it all on your shoulders. Why? Look in your heart for the part HE played. Don't forget all of THAT. I wish you would get angry about what he is doing to you right now. He wants to talk to you and keeps texting you...yet he keeps finding ways to get out of it and is trying to make you feel like you would cause him to be "triggered". WTH is that about? :wtf2 Can you say MANIPULATION!?!???

I know you are hurting right now. I am sorry that he is treating you this way. You do not deserve this. I'm thinking of you. (((HUGS)))

DesertEyes

Hey there Chick

I thing you are doing _great_!!! Ok, so you had a "codie relapse", but you know what? You _recognized_ it and came here to share. To me that's working your program really well. You know what else? You are making plans to go to the beach and take care of _you_. Me thinks that's awesome recovery. What I see is _you_ getting better and better every day. So maybe you're not perfect, but that's not what recovery is about. It's about recognizing our weaknesses and having a good life _anyway_.

I hope you have a _great_ time at the beach

Mike

cagefree

Sometimes it seems easy for others until we really know what went on. We all struggle with leaving familiar, yet unhealthy situations - which is why we are here.

I had friends and coworkers tell me similar things about how strong I was and how they could never do what I did...It was not easy, I was a mess and running on auto-pilot.

I simply had reached the end of my rope and had no options but to either climb up without XABF or free-fall into hell. That was my bottom. I've been climbing up ever since.

When you're ready, you'll climb up to - and it sounds like you already are (((NYC)))

carolineb

NYC-

I have just finished reading your post and haven't yet read others responses. Just want to give you my own thoughts with no other influence.

Sounds like the old manipulation game in full swing. He is playing the 'I love you go away' game that many alcoholics play.

He is not healthy. You know this. You are healthy, self-aware and are trying to be your best. He is NO good for you. Please please please figure out a way to get this man out of your life. You need to mourn him....know that he loved you.....and send him on with love.

Not until then....will you EVER be able to get on with your life. It's okay. He'll be fine. His life is working for him......but your life is NOT working for you while you are stuck.

Big Hug.

Sikofit

I know some will think I'm minimizing things...but when I read situations like this...NYC--if he's just a boyfriend and you're already mostly out of the situation--STAY OUT! Seriously--I know it seems like you're so entangled with your A that you can't see a life without them, but really...if I'd known 20 years ago what I know now...before kids and a mortgage and loans and debt...there's no reason for a woman to put herself in such a situation if she's really "free" to leave with no ties to him.
GET OUT NOW!!! GET AWAY!
Trust me--you'll never miss out on anything by NOT staying with such a mixed up person...

NYC_Chick

Thanks all!

Today was somewhat better. I got my work done and got to leave early. One of my friend's left her firm and had the afternoon off also, so we went for a long walk in Central Park, which was nice. The weather was beautiful! It was a good escape from my reality.

I've cried a lot, but broken through on a few nagging thoughts thanks to a very wise woman I had the chance to speak with tonight (you know who you are!).

I'm sad that he does these things to me, but I have given him an incredible amount of power these last few weeks.

I still can't pinpoint exactly what I'm feeling, but I think God has stepped in and said "Ok, this is what you have to deal with. Now deal with it."

I was thinking about something that happened in college years ago today. There was a group of about 10 of us and we were all studying for an exam. None of us knew up from down after 3 days of constant review, or the answers to the exam for that matter. We all got in the elevator to go to the exam room and one of my friends suggested we say a prayer. So, she went on to say "May we get what we want. May we get what we need. But, Lord, may we not get what we deserve!" I don't know why I thought of it, but the best I can come up with is that God is trying to make me see past the hurt because he is likely (whether he says so or not) in a world of hurt of his own. So I guess if I applied the same prayer to him...I hope he gets what he wants. I hope he gets what he needs, but I hope he doesn't get what he deserves for doing what he has done in regards to us. No one deserves the same in return. Maybe this is compassion. I don't know at this point.

On a lighter note, I got my vacation pay from the old firm and I guess I had much more vacation time than I thought because the check was much bigger than I expected. So, tomorrow I'm going to go shopping for a new outfit for our girls night out! I haven't been shopping in a while, so it'll be a nice treat.

Than you all again! I can't tell you how much your insight has helped me.

thelightdawns

Wow, I can see myself in a lot of what you have said, only that I have twins to him. GRR.
I hope you are feeling better soon.

NYC_Chick

Hi all. I just wanted to give you an update.

We went out Saturday night. It was a lot of fun, but some strange things happened that triggered me and set me into a momentary tailspin again. It just made it more clear that I have a lot of work to do. I also realized I don't miss being out much. I could not believe how drunk just about everyone I came across was.

Due to being out dancing until 4 a.m., I slept until noon, so I didn't make it out to the beach. Instead, I just hung out with my friend and we took her dog for a really long walk.

Today, since it's beautiful outside, I'm going to go sit at the park and write.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

i4getsm

I'm glad you had a good time out dancing! I understand about the being around drunk people thing. It is so hard to enjoy drinking/being around others drinking after you've been through h*ll with an A. I feel weird just having a drink. Before I could have one and relax. Now I may have one but I could do without it or it just doesn't have that same relaxing power for me.

Hope you enjoyed your time at the park!