Confused757

Wow. I didn't even read the other posts yet... I am going through the exact same thing! My AH is also "serious" about his recovery & we're no longer in the same state. I could have probably gotten through the alcoholism (which I knew about before he did) but the other women is something I can't get past either. I appreiciate the fact that he finally admitted it to me after 5 yrs (he cheated throughout this time & told me only what he remembers), but what he did is just too much for me. My AH blames it on the drinking too, saying that if he wasn't drinking, he wouldn't have been in situations that made it easy for him to cheat. According to him, his addictions are alcohol, sex & spending money.

I would offer you some advice, but I don't know what to tell myself half the time. Right now, I'm just concentrating on me & my 2 girls. Of course the past bothers me still at times, but I am learning to get through it & move forward. This site has helped a lot!

hbb

Mine too, dry drunk and 6 months dry when he cheated on me. I personally don't think there's a connection but rather an excuse "well i was drunk". Doesn't matter...cheating is cheating just like stealing is stealing. You know the difference between right and wrong when it comes to this stuff. IMHO and my experience.

cem001

Ok, so I am new bare with me. I did the ultimate NO NO. My husband a recovery AH. He has a wire notebook that he is taking is 4th step inventory in. For the most part he has kept it locked up, but lately he's leaving it out & open. I feel as it was almost an invitation to read it so things can be out in the open. I have respected his wishes to NOT read it up until about 2 weeks ago. I read where he has had several sexual relationships with two women that I had suspected, but was told that I was over-reacting. The seeing it written on paper is what bothered me. The thought that he would be honest there, instead of with me. I am very frustrated, and pissed. He still denying any wrong doings, but my Al-Anon sponsor said that he's not ready.

I don't know how I can keep it quiet. Advice. Yes, I know had I respected his wishes, I wouldn't be in this delima.

Addict's Wife

I have 3 deal-breakers:

1. You ever cheat on me.

2. You ever hit me.

3. You ever remain an active addict and refuse treatment.

Catholic Church marriage or not, I am sure God would not want me to tolerate these three.

I just could not get past the infidelity, ever. And I don't buy the "I have a disease" excuse. When Eliot Spitzer was busted, my husband said "The poor guy has an addiction!"

Have you ever heard Carmela Soprano say "Well, fvck you!" to Tony? Well, I sounded just like her after he said that.

cowboy12

funny that was the deal breaker for me too...her infidelity....... the person you should be able to trust the most acts with no respect or consideration for you.
Perhaps what hurt more was it showed I had no respect or consideration for myself... it shouldnt have taken her cheating for me to end the marriage....I had no problem settling for a miserable dry drunk who offered nothing to the marriage but once she wasnt drinking.I could put up with anything WHY ?????

...guess we all deserve better...but now Im giving it to me.