Big Attack of Guilt
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 126
Big Attack of Guilt
9 days after cutting an AF out of my life, I am feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt. Mostly about the manner in which I did it.
I wanted a clean break, so i wrote a goodbye letter, stated my reasons and asked her not to contact me.
Some of my confidants felt I was too kind in my goodbye, some felt I should have let her respond. My brother applauded it, then felt maybe I was harsh.
I don't know. I don't want her in my life anymore, but I don't want to be hated and I'm having nightmares and trouble dealing with the finality and firmness of my clean break, which is a fairly new thing for me.
I wanted a clean break, so i wrote a goodbye letter, stated my reasons and asked her not to contact me.
Some of my confidants felt I was too kind in my goodbye, some felt I should have let her respond. My brother applauded it, then felt maybe I was harsh.
I don't know. I don't want her in my life anymore, but I don't want to be hated and I'm having nightmares and trouble dealing with the finality and firmness of my clean break, which is a fairly new thing for me.
I Finally Love My Life!!!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 648
As a codependent, I struggled with guilt over things I felt responsible for that I did not truely own. One such thing included other people's feelings.
Once I realized I was not responsible for making anything easier for XABF, I felt a weight lifted. Once I realized I did not need to ask permission for or feel guilty about the things I needed to do to protect myself and put myself in safe and peaceful environments I feel I truely started to recover.
You did a good thing for yourself - you gave yourself a big, badly needed hug.
Once I realized I was not responsible for making anything easier for XABF, I felt a weight lifted. Once I realized I did not need to ask permission for or feel guilty about the things I needed to do to protect myself and put myself in safe and peaceful environments I feel I truely started to recover.
You did a good thing for yourself - you gave yourself a big, badly needed hug.
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
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Angelus not much to say except 
and ditto to what cage said!
When we realize that we do not own others feelings and choices we have got it made and are on a well grounded road of recovery!
and ditto to what cage said! When we realize that we do not own others feelings and choices we have got it made and are on a well grounded road of recovery!
play the tape all the way thru
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 480
((((Angelus))))
It's never easy saying good bye. It's never easy making the decision either. I think the guilt is a huge co dependent trait. We think we need to make everyone else happy.
I hope you can let go of other's feelings and start taking care of you..you deserve to be happy and have people in your life that truly care for you.
It's never easy saying good bye. It's never easy making the decision either. I think the guilt is a huge co dependent trait. We think we need to make everyone else happy.
I hope you can let go of other's feelings and start taking care of you..you deserve to be happy and have people in your life that truly care for you.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
So you feel guilty for acting to protect yourself. Why? What makes the what you think might be needs of your AF more important than yours that leads you to feel guilty for working to meet your needs?
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 126
Thanks guys...I value and understand what you mean, and I agree...
Right now I am feeling depressed and extremely panicky, having trouble adjusting to this new me...worried that I'm making enemies and may be facing a lot of time alone
Right now I am feeling depressed and extremely panicky, having trouble adjusting to this new me...worried that I'm making enemies and may be facing a lot of time alone
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