wish he'd quit

I have posted that I am planning on leaving my AH. I feel so emotionless about it all. My motto at this point is that "I am over this." I'm over my kids seeing this. I'm over being abused. I'm over being a babysitter. I'm just over all of it. My friend read a letter that I wrote to AH and she said it sounded angry. Another friend told me it sounded like I pitty him. Which I guess I do in a sense. I am just feeling so numb though and want for it all to be over so I can move on. Can anyone else relate to this?

Barbara52

I too felt numb when I reached my decision to leave my AH. In a way I turned off all emotions for a while to enable myself to do what I needed to do to find a new place, plan my escape (and that's how I still see it), to execute my plan, to do everything that had to be done to get out of the hosue and into my own place. Then I began to feel again. It took a while but not long. I began to feel the peace within days. ANd it has only gotten better.

ToughChoices

I think it's sort of like being in a really bad car accident.
You wake up one day and see the situation for what it is - an absolute wreck - and the adrenaline moves you through all the necessary steps.

You go numb so that you can do what you have to.

Later on, you'll feel it. You'll cry and hurt and fear. But right now you're fighting for your own emotional well-being, and there's no time for feelings.

-TC

Rella927

Wish ditto on the numbness! I got to a point when I was so numb my life started falling apart around me-when I went to pay bills one day and had realized I went through almost 8,000.00 in 4 months on NOTHING! I knew there was a huge problem! I then woke up to the fact that not only did I need to get out of this realtionship because of the XABF's drinking and abuse (physical and emotional) I needed to help ME! I had problems that needed to be addressed!

Today I continue to take care of me....I take a few steps back somedays but I know that I'am no longer numb and when I fall that I'am blessed to have a lot of faith in myself today and my recovery that the journey that I'am on is the right one!

"Progress not perfection!"

hang in there nothing but good thoughts to you

Pajarito

(((wish)))- It's tough, and hard to believe this is where it is. Divorce still seems surreal to me, so I do feel numb at times. I also feel anger and sadness. I've been through all of them over and over, but it's getting better. I find that anger propels me forward, sadness slows me down. Just keep taking care of you. You aren't alone!

nowinsituation

Hey Wish -- I can absolutely relate!! I was numb when I moved out, almost like a robot. Taking care of business. . . that's all. Then I was sad, and guilty. Now I am slipping into angry and scared. I am glad to know that it is a process. There are a few peaceful moments that pop up here and there. That gives me hope.

TV2356

I am going through the same thing, and my heart goes out to you. I know how much it hurts.

makeachange

I understand the feeling of numbness and wanting it when you don't have it. Sometimes I think I've finally mastered being numb, and then he brings out the pain and anger and frustration that I think I've hidden or gotted rid of... I hate that about myself. I wish I could turn off my emotions and keep them off. This whole process would be so much easier if I could. I'm almost there - almost ready to leave. He's already convinced me to give him another chance and nothing has changed. He knows how to push my emotional buttons. He knows that I'm a bit of a wimp, a softie, an idealist on the inside. He uses that against me when I'm at my weakest. I'm working on the numbness. I need it like a suit of armor. Maybe that's why we can go numb, to protect us when we are at our most fragile.

T

PrettyViolets

I felt trapped when his alcholism progressed and he lost his job. I felt like people were looking at me like I had married the "red flag" and that I was the enabler and that I should not make excuses. I was very confused by everything that it made it difficult to make a good decision and just go with it.

There was part of me that was trying to make our marriage work. And there was part of me that was eventually realizing that it was not going to matter if I stayed. I guess I kept thinking that he would get over it by himself and that we would just go on with our life. I am absolutely amazed that I stayed for as long as I did in a situation where someone was verbally abusive, but I did because I loved my husband and I wanted our marriage to work out.

When I separated, I was actually to the point of feeling like gagging like I was going to throw up. We had only been married for a couple of months so the dreams of making the marriage work out really drindled and the reality of I need to make a marriage work out with someone else set in.

I have been very lucky. His parents have helped my husband financially and with his recovery. I did go into the separation realistically that it could really be the end of my marriage. I have hope now that he is in recovery. But I am more realistic and set my standards high that if he is to remain in my life that he will need to stay sober. And I am also hoping that he will be able to maintain sobriety and that he will get a job in the future. If he is not able to do that, then I will be able to truly confirm to myself that I have made the right decision for myself and not look back in regret.

Jasmine0626

I can also relate. I left my alkie boyfriend of 5 yrs 3 month's ago. I'm telling ya, it ain't easy, but sturdge thur and it's better on the other side. I am in AA but I also attend Al-Anon. Have u tried Al-Anon. I also go to ACA, Adult Children of Alcoholics. My alkie dad died when i was 3 but it's a family disease. I am co dependent and that's why i stayed with my ex and went back so many times. I needed to know why i was co dep, i found the answer in aca and al anon. Give it a try,can't hurt. Sobriety didn't.

Good Luck

LostGuy

Wish, that is exactly how I felt when I was in your position, and for me, the numbness was my friend. I never would have had the strength to pack up my stuff and leave if I hadn't gotten to that point. There will be plenty of time to mourn the loss of the relationship afterwards (still doing that bit). I think it is akin to adrenaline blocking physical pain when one is in physical danger and must act to save their life.

Hikeon

By the end, I didn't have an emotional life. The world was colorless. I recall seeing families enjoying time together and I remember thinking "That's now, but by tonight, he'll be drunk, she'll be crying and the kids will be hiding."

I began to think that the entire world was living as I was. I'm not sure exactly what made me leave, but after a few months, I began to come back to a feeling of self, and a life that included emotion.

wish he'd quit

Thanks everyone for the replies. They made me feel better for having these feelings. I also talked to one of my best friend tonight about feeling like this. I feel like I am making baby steps back to happiness. I am making sure that I am around people that make me happy. It keeps me spirits lifted and for a small time I can feel at ease and care free. Well until I come home. But it feels good to feel happy again for once even if just for a little while. I have definitely been blessed with some good supportive friends.

i4getsm

I am in the same boat. Kind of going through the motions for now just to keep myself moving. I "try" to get back on the same ol' path, like a car whose steering wheel is stuck, and God nudges me back to this new road. I can't say that I'm thrilled about moving on from AH but I do know it's what has to happen. I know one day I'll sit down and cry about this but for now I just need some distance from the immediate situation. My favorite saying right now is "I'm over it".