sarahlm

Okay, so my AH relapsed after 2 years on Thursday. We are seperated right now. He called me today, all apologies, saying things like "this is a new beginning for me", " I slipped and now I see how awful it was, I dont need to do that again" "I love you so much, Im so sorry I hurt you"

Well, Ive heard all this before, which is exactly what I told him. Im sure that wasnt the right thing to say. But I dont know what to say, i wanted to say, "get a sponsor (his moved), go to a meeting, start working the steps again". Mostly I was quiet and cried.

I know in the past my sponsor told me to stay out of his program, dont lecture, dont lay guilt trips, let him face his own demons.

I was in class when he called and I couldnt talk much. Hes going to call me later. How do I handle it? Do I talk about the drinking at all? What if he wants to talk about it? Do I tell him how I feel? Do I respond to the promises? Do I just change the subject all together? I dont know exactly what to do...Im gonna call my sponsor but I may not hear from her in time-any thoughts?

best

He will make his choices. You make your choices.
When his actions show you what is what, you will make choices based on them.

DESIGNER

The best thing that you can say is that " actions speak louder then words". I wish that I would not have fought so much with the ex and would have just said those words to him....that way he knows that he will have to prove himself and that his words will not matter.

I can't even count how many times that I believed the sorry's and the promises coming out of my ex's mouth. When you are hearing it you want it to be so true what they are saying that you go with it and everything is peachy for a while and then BOOM you are hearing it again and again and again. It wears you out like nothing else in this world and takes a tole on your physical and mental health. I wish that i could go back and change the way I reacted but I no longer can and just have to learn from my mistakes.

Even after we broke up I heard promises of him sending me money(which we fought about this morning) and i STILL believed his sincerity that he would get me the money b/c he knows that I am broke. That was a month ago and still have not seen it!!!!!! LESSONS LEARNED....that is all I can say.

Good luck...stay strong and keep up on your nursing studies.

tennis71

I agree with Designer that "actions speak louder than words". He relapsed, that is a fact and unfortunately it does happen. With that in mind, I would suggest that you simply ask him "What do you plan to do about it" and see where it goes from there. He doesn't have to relapse again. He just needs to decide what he wants to do to remain sober after the relapse and follow through with it.

Thanks for your post!

sarahlm

Thanks, I tried the suggestions you all gave me. I guess I will have to let it go and see what happens. His actions will speak for themselves.