mikey27

Unfortunatley, things have come to a head this weekend and I now realise the extent of my wife's drinking problem. We have both realised it for a number of years but things get better and it goes away. She doesn't think she is an alcoholic and I'm not sure but she realises she has a major drink problem.

She doesn't have any control limits and once she starts to have a drink, does not have any mechanism to be able to stop without intervention from me or until the supply runs out. Her dad alcohol problems like his father before him and so do my wife's brothers. My wife will often not remember what she has done, will injure herself without knowing what happened and cannot be woken when asleep.

We are the only two who know about her problem and she doesn't want me to discuss it with anyone, as she is too ashamed. It came to a head at the weekend when I told her that I would leave her if she didn't stop. We had a very emotional day and I think she was shocked by what I said and her actions when drunk this week. She is now trying to stop but emotionally, I am very upset deep down as I love her so much and realise that I am married to someone with a major drinking problem. Any help or suggestions would be most grateful. I live in the UK.

Barbara52

Welcome. I'm sorry you've found yourself in this position but you have come to a great place for information and support.

I would suggest reading the stickies and posts is a great starting point. Many have foud that going to AlAnon has been very helpful in beginning to understand how the alcoholic has affected our lives and how we can handle it.

justanothrdrunk

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous has chapters for spouses and suggestions on what to do.

You can buy a copy or check out the AA World Service Website. The chapters I speak of are available for free in PDF.

abcdefg

We are the only two who know about her problem and she doesn't want me to discuss it with anyone, as she is too ashamed.


Welcome. You have taken an important, courageous step in reaching out through SR.

AA and Al-anon are wonderful resources for information and support. Al-anon is for anyone who is affected by someone else's drinking (in your case, you are affected by your wife's drinking).

She does not need to attend AA in order for you to attend Al-anon.

At Al-anon meetings I am not told to stay with or leave the alcoholic. In fact, I'm not told what to do at all. Instead, I get to be in a room filled with people who love alcoholics, who have endured amazing struggles with the disease and all its effects and who have walked through many of the experiences I have. I hear tools I can apply to my situation (whatever it may be) that I never had before.

I found out in Al-anon that I was NOT alone and, over time, I was able to release the shame I felt that kept me silent about what another's alcoholism was doing to my life.

Although many people feel and express resentment and rage toward the problem drinkers in their lives, many others feel love and compassion and are seeking solutions to help them cope with active disease. I personally have so many alcoholics in my family and my life that I run the gamut of those I can't stand to those I dearly love. In other words, there are all kinds of different experiences and room for emotions on all end of the spectrum.

I hope this is helpful.