Kindeyes

....and I can't sleep.

I've been laying in bed for a few hours now. Tossing. Turning. Trying like hell to get to sleep and I just can't. I'm worrying about things that I cannot control and I know that there is nothing that I can do about it.

I'm going in on Thursday for surgery (subtotal colectomy) and I'm frightened. I can't let the people around me know that I'm afraid because that will spook them too.

My A son is throwing out some of the same ol' alcoholic crap and I don't know that I have the strength right now to deal with him. He called today wanting to engage me.....I feel like a broken record......"It's your choice." or "I hope that works for you." or "Whatever you say." Even those words feel draining to me right now.

I just needed to get those things out of my system so that I could (maybe) go back to bed and sleep. I think I'll go have a bit of a conversation with my HP.....that sounds like a good plan.

sojourner

got a Christian radio station that plays music in the middle of the night? got any Christian music of your own? anything to push out those thoughts. Yeah, i know what it is to wake up from a sound sleep completely awake!! Yuck...

When i found out i was pregnant with my second child and also was just realizing i had a husband addicted to cocaine (and with all kinds of stolen money and no money for house payment, etc,) i would wake up like that. I would grab my Bible in the middle of the night. In six months, i had read that entire thing, except for Psalms, Proverbs, and Revelations. And all at night when I would wake up like that.

Hang in there. Connecting with your HP is the best thing you can do at times like this. That's why He's there!!

Chrysalis

Kindeyes,
I am not trying to minimize your situation in any way; your surgery sounds serious... but I always find that everything seems so ampliphied at night. Things that I would be able to deal with during daylight seem impossible at night. I have had many nights like yours...

I might help to have a note pad and pen by your bed so that you can make a list of the things are bothering you, then deal with them constructively in the morning.

I too have gone to my PC in the middle of the night but for me, it just seems to wind me up further, like a double hit of espresso coffee!

Lately, I find myself saying..."it's night time, your tired, it won't seem so bad in the morning...everything is amplified at night...this too shall pass (slogan)

I will keep your surgery in my prayers...

Barbara52

I hope you are to get some sleep. {hugs}

You have a whole lot of folks praying for you.

Rella927

Kindeyes

Sorry to hear about your surgery-Positive vibes to you! I do know and have to agree with Codeep- I know that when I find out that I too have to have surgery (Tumor in colon) that my mind was racing at night and my A brother was calling me 6 plus times a day and night. I somehow found the strength to ignore the phone calls-(Being your son I know the strength is harder) I made everything about me and will continue to do so until my surgery.

I have a fountain/water fall thing now on my nightstand-I listen to the water and it helps me to relax and put me to sleep. Maybe there is something that has worked for you to put you to sleep? Read, journal-and most important turning over to your HP-

Hang in there sweets-I'm sending you prayers-and some sheep to count

NYC_Chick

:ghug3

Kindeyes

Good Morning
Ok. My pity party is over. I was able to get back to sleep after the conversation with my HP. And boy.....did I ever sleep. It's 9:00am and I just woke up! I NEVER sleep in like that. I'm usually up and raring to go at 5:00am.

You are right. For whatever reason, everything IS amplified at night. I haven't woken up like that in a long time. Sleep has calmed my nerves and I can face all of my challenges today.

Thank you for your kind thoughts.

gentle hugs

denny57

(((Kindeyes)))

Hope everything goes well with the surgery.

lexusgirl

((((((((Kindeyes)))))))))

You're in my thoughts and prayers.:praying

Bernadette

Hi Kindeyes--
(((HUGS)))

Yeah, the night amplification thing is the worst... - it is so hard to settle your mind when you have something stressful coming up.

Glad you finally got some sleep...it's just a horrible catch-22 - when we sleep is when our brain refreshes and processes difficult things but when we have a lot of difficult things going down we cannot sleep!

Take it easy.
Sending you good vibes for your surgery - take good care of yourself.
Peace,
B.

Pajarito

(((Kindeyes)))- I've been there too- sleep is such a luxury these days. Sometimes I play a meditation cd very quietly just to focus on something else. Just know you are not alone. Good luck with your surgery. . .P

peaceteach

Kind eyes,
You are in my prayers. Your kind words and strength have helped me greatly, and I hope my prayers and loving thoughts can now help you. Take care of yourself, sweetie, and take that phone off the hook at bedtime from now on!

RosieM

Hey, Kind Eyes, I was up last night too - usually the rain helps me sleep but it just wound me up last night. Maybe tonight we'll get a good night's sleep. Best of luck, keep us posted on your surgery. R.

FormerDoormat

Sometimes when I'm having difficulty sleeping, I turn the TV on to some show that totally doesn't interest me and the drone helps me drift off. So your surgery is next Thursday?

I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

PHIZ007

I also find that things do seem far worse at night....maybe a nice warm bath to relax you...so I am hoping by the time you read this thread that you managed to get some rest....thinking of you Phiz :0)

Seeking Wisdom

I so understand not being able to sleep because of worry. When my AH started having very serious health problems and I was suddenly left doing all his work and mine ... and dealing with a hundred very serious problems as a result.... I couldn't sleep for more than 90 minutes at any stretch for about 3 years. I never had a dream or fell into a deep REM sleep during this time. Finally in this past year I have started sleeper longer and deeper once again ... but there are still too many nights where sleeping is a challenge. I have also noticed that the quiet of the night allows every worry and concern to overtake my thoughts.... so like so many others I end up turning on the TV to some mindless show to distract my thoughts.

Glad to hear you were finally able to get some quality sleep .... and I hope everything goes well with your upcoming surgery.

Spiritual Seeker

Kindeyes-
Prayers for your surgery and recovery to be trouble-free and speedy.
It is okay for you to be the needy one. Of course you're scared.
Allow others to see your need and offer assistance, even if you have to ask.
I will be thinking about you this week.

angelfromheaven

Wishing you all the best for your op and a successful recovery.

Take care of yourself and I am sure your loved ones will be there for you!!!

My thoughts are with you