good_luck

It strikes me that I have allowed myself to be used just like any other drug.

NYC_Chick

I was really mad at myself a couple of weeks ago too. I'm trying to move past that, but I still can't believe that I was there and allowed someone to treat me so badly, then stayed because he was always so sorry. I hope his new girlfriend (Jameson or DeWars depending on the day, I guess) is a good listener. At least alcohol won't nag you to stop drinking it.

Barbara52

Ah well, you aren't alone Good Luck.. I allowed myself to be used for years. I didn't see it that way of course. I saw it as being supportive of him in his difficulties. It took a while to fully wake up to the fact that AH was using me and then to act to stop it. But it sure feels good not allowing myself to be used anymore.

good_luck

Maybe it was a bad idea to reread "The Giving Tree?" Or maybe it was a good idea. Jury's out on that one.

good_luck

I don't know, maybe that's what hangovers are?

denny57

Once I acknowledged I had allowed myself to be used, the real growth and recovery began. It is very empowering to own my own behaviors.

A very good therapist and our family doctor helped me enormously with the sadness I felt over this realization.

Hang in there.

DESIGNER

opps ignore what is above.

LaTeeDa

Designer,

When I felt like you do, I took out a notebook and pen and started writing it all down. Everything I wanted to say to him, everything that was running around in my head--all of it. It was like a pressure release valve for me. If those thoughts stayed in my head, they would just multiply and get bigger, and BIGGER, and BIGGER, until it was overwhelming. Moving them from my brain to paper brought them back into perspective.

Then, when I was done writing, I would take a nap, or a walk, or a bath, or something that would help me relax.

And the bonus is, later you can go back and read what you wrote and be amazed at the insights you will have. Writing on SR is good, but you don't have to censor your thoughts or worry about how "crazy" you might sound if you're only writing to yourself.

L

abcdefg

I've been looking at this, too. I'm trying to do it in a way where there is no self-loathing or beating me up. If I start getting ****** with myself, I change my focus and come back to it when I can keep my HP in charge of any "analysis."

FormerDoormat

I read "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein years ago when my daughter was young and didn't like the story because I felt the little boy used the tree until the tree had nothing left to give.

It was featured in my book club again this month. I was curious how the editors described the book, so I took a look. The blurb at the bottom of the photo said it was a story about unconditional love. But I still don't see it that way. The little boy took everything the tree had to offer and offered nothing in return. The tree gave everything it had to give until it was no longer a tree.

"The Giving Tree" is a story about neediness. It has nothing to do with love. Perhaps that's why Shel Silverstein's next book was entitled "The Missing Piece." One can't be a whole person if they give a significant part of themself away.