ToughChoices

Funny how I spent so much time wanting my AH to get clean -
Now he is, and I'm not sure that I want him anymore.

This is a weird feeling.

I've realized a lot of troubling (and enlightening) information about myself while on this crazy rollercoaster of addiction. I've started questioning the "undying and unparalleled" love that I've always thought I felt for my A.

Hard to tell how much of that was just my own disease.

There's no Prince Charming here - just a real, flawed man: a smart, selfish, kind, not-always-funny addict in recovery. It's not that I hate him, I just feel like I don't really know this guy.

If you don't know someone you can't love them, and you certainly can't decide that you want to commit to participating with them in a life-long struggle against addiction.

He's living apart from my son and I for a few months while we try to get re-acquainted, and we each focus on our own recoveries.

Anyone else been here?

NYC_Chick

Some days I feel like you do, not often, but here and there. It scares me to feel like I don't love him on days where I enjoy that he's not around.

This journey is hard!

Barbara52

I came to realize I was in love with a mythical man who did not exist. Admitting that to myself was a huge step forward in my recovery.

LaTeeDa

Yes, I have been there. Since we were already separated when my husband got sober, we also decided to live apart and get to know each other. After about a year of working toward reconciliation, I realized that I had changed too much. I had been so wrapped up in him and his addiction for so many years, I didn't really know who I was. Once I started to discover the "real me," it turned out that he was not who I wanted to spend my life with.

We were together 20 years and have two children. He will always be a part of my life, and I love him still in many ways. One thing I have discovered is that loving someone does not mean I have to be with them. In fact, to me, loving someone means that I want what's best for them, even if it's not what I (think) I want. We are both much better people and parents apart than we ever were together.

L

RosieM

I have no idea who this man is even though he looks like a guy I loved once. But that guy wouldn't do these behaviors, at least I didn't think he would. I guess I would be open to exploring a relationship when/if he gets his act together for about a year but I'm pretty sure I'll be far, far down the road in many ways when/if that ever happens. I doubt it will, though.

Shivaya

ToughChoices, I can relate to your story.

My AH and I are both making progress in our recovery.

He continues to drink, albeit not nearly the amount/frequency he used to. He is taking the initiative to be more involved in all aspects of our lives, including family togetherness, finances and household duties.

I see a therapist, attend alanon and read/post at SR. I am in charge of my recovery, not his.

The thing is....the more I work on myself, the more I discover that I don't know or even like this man I've been living with for 19 years. I think he is feeling the same way.

I do have some resentment/anger issues still "hanging" around in my head....but mostly, I feel nothing, except sadness. I don't know if I can grow to love this man again, or even if I loved him in the first place....how crazy is this????

So, yes.....I am there with you. You know that saying "Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it"?

Now we've got it....what do we do with it?

Wishing you peace and clarification as you continue in your recovery.

Shivaya

Shivaya

I meant....

Wishing you peace and clarity as you continue in your recovery.


Shivaya