daisyjen

So my 15 yr old son and his RA father seem to always be at odds. My RAH thinks its all our sons fault, that he is disrespectful, yadda, yadda. I tell him he's a teen, they do that - not an excuse, just expected, set em straight. AND, he's beenthe brunt of AH's verbal abuse for so long, respect needs to be earned back. AH doesnt buy this. They continue to butt heads. AH blames me, saying I always take his side. Ok, so maybe I am overprotective of son, but for good reason... I do try to look at things from both perspectives.

Well, last Sunday, we found out cat who had 5 kittens the wk prior, moved them to a loft filled with insulation in the garage. Not good, I think. I would like to move them or at least check if they are ok. RAH, son and I go into garage and son stands on top of 4 wheeler, but still cant see them. He asks RAH if shelf is stable and could he stand on that? RAH says, yes, I put it up, it'll hold you. So son climbs up checks on kitties and climbs down. We leave them alone.

Two days later, I climb up on shelf to check, realize shelf isnt stable like RAH said and climb down. Later, I receive a cell phone call from son who is at home with RAH and he says dads being a b*tch, he wont take us to wed night church like he was supposed to cause he says I am lying about allowing me to climb on the shelf and now the shelf is loose and he is yelling at me for breaking it..... Eventually, RAH gets on phone and denies saying that we could climb on it, why would he say that, etc etc.

So, I tell him, I was there!! I heard it!!! I climbed on it myself because you said it was ok!!

What's going on??? Is he forgetting? Lying? Insane? This frustrates the heck out of me. Lord knows how many other times he does this and our son (and sometimes me!) gets yelled at. This time I happen to have been a witness...

Oh! And yes, son got talked to about the foul language. Thats now becoming a minor issue. I think he is testing my boundaries. I rarely curse. RAH has been cursing more often lately...

TDinATL

Daisyjen,

Oh dear, oh dear... I've been a victim of this so many times myself. It gave me chills to read your story. My AW has said things many times and then denied them later - she denies them ferociously and has actually had me question if I'm losing my mind.

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. The scariest thing is that there's no reasoning with them, I honestly believe I could have played a recording of her saying the things and she would deny it. Even with witnesses I've had her deny it and get angry, no... enraged, at me for accusing her.

Thanks for sharing, wishing you the best and lifting you in prayer.

TD

theotherone

This happened all the time in our house...my sons are now 14 and 16. I too overcompensated for the AH and at times thought I was responsible for the lack of respect my sons have for their father. I'm not...their father has earned every ounce of the lack of respect he receives. He rants all the time, he is critical of everything we do and he lacks the ability to be a parent due to his alcohol abuse. I have done and will continue to help my sons cope with the disease and teach them to have compassion for the person he is as a result of the alcoholism. I let them know that they have complete control over their actions and are capable of all things good despite what they are told at times by him. They are great guys and have their mom's sense of humor...that's how we get through it most of the time. We can distance ourselves from the disease and choose to detach and keep each other healthy. I know with the closeness we share and with those of our extended family (they have some great aunts, uncles and a grandmother who is an angel) they with grow and become good men. Despite what the disease brings to our home, it has taught them things they may have never experienced otherwise.

hadenoughnow

My son is 13 and I saw many fights like this in our future if I stayed married to my AH. One of the main reasons I am divorcing him is so that we don't have to deal with insanity and lies anymore (intoxicated or sober). My son only has to see his father when he wishes, the A knows if he is drunk or acts out he won't see his son.

NYC_Chick

I have soooooo been there. I used to call my mom (who was also married to an A) and tell her some of the stuff that happened with my xabf and she would tell me that my dad used to do it to. He would say or do something then passionately deny it.

I am know by my friends and family to have what they all call "tape recorder memory" and can usually repeat what I have heard word for word in a conversation, EXCEPT with xabf. I always got something wrong. ALWAYS!!! But just with him. You're not crazy. The alcohol has pickled his brain most likely.