luckylegs

I really don't know where to start - very long story - but basically my brother is an alcoholic. He actually managed to stay sober for the last 4 weeks and we were so proud of him but the last couple of days he has 'fallen off the wagon' and Ive just heard that he is very drunk at work at this moment. My mum has threatened to kick him out of her house but she has never managed to see it through. I don't know what to do, whether to go and pick him up from work and take him home to my mum's or leave him and see my mum's threat through. She's just phoned me in tears and doesn't know what to do. Is it time for tough love? This has been going on for 4 years now! He's 35 years old and he is killing my parents with this stress.

lexusgirl

At 35 your brother is a big boy. No I don't think you should do anything at this point for him. It sounds like your Mom is enabling him by allowing him to live there and not following through on her threats to kick him out.

Right now the best thing to do is turn the focus back on you. Have you tried Al Anon? It's a great place to start as well as posting here.

Barbara52

Do not go pick him. Do not take him anywhere. He is an adult capable of taking care of himself and his messes. Cleaning up after him only enables his choice not to deal with his alcoholism.

Its not easy to do this. Its not easy to do what seems like turning your back on him. But it is the right thing to do for him and for yourself.

emack321

Hi,

Having worked with addicts for several years, I will tell you YES! It is absolutely time for tough love....your mom too. As long as an addict has any kind of support, they have no incentive to stop.

NYC_Chick

Let him suffer the consequences of his own actions. He will never stop as long as everyone around him keeps cleaning up his messes. He may not even stop then, but you and your parents will have a more peaceful life because of it.

I think Al-anon is a great suggestion.

Angelus

I think you have to protect yourselves. Alanon, definitely. Your helping him is not gonna save him in the long run, detachment and tough love are the only steps now

Kindeyes

It may seem counter intuitive, but refusing to help him out of his messes is the kindest thing you can do for him. It will be painful to watch him struggle when he finds that his support is no longer there but it's important to stick to it. The old addage "there is no gain without pain" is very true. Feeling the full force of his actions is the best chance he has at seeing what he needs to do to get better.

gentle hugs

luckylegs

Thanks for all your excellent advice it has helped me to be strong and not jump in the car and bail him out again. All I've got to do now is persuade my mum that this is the best thing for him! Thanks again it's comforting to know there's good advice out there I am new to all this and found this forum in desperation - glad I did!