In need of advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: South Africa, Pretoria
Posts: 126
In need of advice
Hi, I was told by a colleague that this site will greatly help me with my physically and emotionally abusive dad. He's been an alcoholic for a few years, and the last few have gotten really bad!
I'm new to this (joined today), so if I mess it up - sorry!
I really don't know what to do anymore. We are going to lose everything, while he drinks out the last of our money. I still live with my parents as I cannot afford to move out yet - it's the same for my younger brother. Everybody keeps telling us to get out there - but it's really not that easy. If I could, I would have been gone a long time ago!
My dad's lost his job, wrecked 2 cars in 2 months and is really going down fast and hard.
I don't know where to turn to anymore - he just got out of rehab, but has gone even worse!
I can write a whole essay on all the stuff that happens.....is there someone that can help or just give some advice?????
I'm new to this (joined today), so if I mess it up - sorry!
I really don't know what to do anymore. We are going to lose everything, while he drinks out the last of our money. I still live with my parents as I cannot afford to move out yet - it's the same for my younger brother. Everybody keeps telling us to get out there - but it's really not that easy. If I could, I would have been gone a long time ago!
My dad's lost his job, wrecked 2 cars in 2 months and is really going down fast and hard.
I don't know where to turn to anymore - he just got out of rehab, but has gone even worse!
I can write a whole essay on all the stuff that happens.....is there someone that can help or just give some advice?????
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I am sorry your life is being thrown into turmoil by your father. Its not easy. I grew up with 2 alcoholic parents so I know what the chaos can be like.
FIrst thing to know is you cannot change him. Tha tis solely up to him. Second thing to know is that eduating yourself on the subject of alcoholism and how it effects you and the rest of the family lets you plan and act from a position of power since you will have knowledge.
Where is your mother in all this? Is she in the picture at all or are you and your siblings living only with your father?
FIrst thing to know is you cannot change him. Tha tis solely up to him. Second thing to know is that eduating yourself on the subject of alcoholism and how it effects you and the rest of the family lets you plan and act from a position of power since you will have knowledge.
Where is your mother in all this? Is she in the picture at all or are you and your siblings living only with your father?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: South Africa, Pretoria
Posts: 126
No, my mother is there. Unfortunately she is also suffering in all this.
She has worked at crisis centers for people that have these kinds of problems, but now that it is happening to us, we don't have a clue of what to do...
I think my dad knows deep down that he needs help, but he refuses to go to AA meetings or anything else for that matter! But now we are going down with him - the state that we are in not only with work, finances and so is just getting worse and worse by the day.
I go through all the emotions in one day - lately I've just been angry. So has my brother - I'm actually so worried about his state of mind. He might be beyond help. My father has become so abuse towards him (because he knows my brother hates him for what he's doing) that I'm scared I'll come home one day and one of them have killed the other (or both!)
Geez, I'm just yapping here on and on to people that don't even know me - sorry, it's just nice to know there are people out there that know what I feel like...
She has worked at crisis centers for people that have these kinds of problems, but now that it is happening to us, we don't have a clue of what to do...
I think my dad knows deep down that he needs help, but he refuses to go to AA meetings or anything else for that matter! But now we are going down with him - the state that we are in not only with work, finances and so is just getting worse and worse by the day.
I go through all the emotions in one day - lately I've just been angry. So has my brother - I'm actually so worried about his state of mind. He might be beyond help. My father has become so abuse towards him (because he knows my brother hates him for what he's doing) that I'm scared I'll come home one day and one of them have killed the other (or both!)
Geez, I'm just yapping here on and on to people that don't even know me - sorry, it's just nice to know there are people out there that know what I feel like...
Last edited by Laan; 03-25-2008 at 05:31 AM. Reason: bad spelling
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
The only thing I can suggest for you sweetie is Alateen or Alanon for you and your brother. You need support. You need to know that there are others your age who are dealing with this same issue. You need help sorting through the confusion. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this terrible disease.
gentle hugs
gentle hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: South Africa, Pretoria
Posts: 126
thanks for the support - but can i share something really shocking with you....
i don't think there are really such things here in SA - well not that i could really find!
we found a rehabilitation place for my dad, but obviously they weren't really prepared to help - nobody here does! i even called the police the one day when it got really bad and they kept tennis balling me around! what if it was so bad that i couldn't hold the line?
luckily now i know i can share my stories with others...:ghug2
i don't think there are really such things here in SA - well not that i could really find!
we found a rehabilitation place for my dad, but obviously they weren't really prepared to help - nobody here does! i even called the police the one day when it got really bad and they kept tennis balling me around! what if it was so bad that i couldn't hold the line?
luckily now i know i can share my stories with others...:ghug2
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