venusinlibra

After two years I finally did it. I found the strength to end my relationship with "my guy." I still really love him but over the last week I found I could no longer "accept" the things I could not change. I deserved love and respect.

It's a very weird feeling because I have let go of the anger and resentment. I feel only compassion for him and weird sense of calm. I think he finds it strange as well. No drama, etc. Started with a bang and ends with a fizzle.

I'm curious how others moved forward. How they felt afterwards, etc. I am hoping I can hold onto this peaceful feeling.

Thanks so much for the support.

DESIGNER

Try to hold onto this.....I have had that before and when I let the abf back into my life that is when it left. I am trying hard now to find my way back to that. I think once he moves out(end of this month) I will be able to find that again but right now I am just pissed. Actually I have days where I am and days where I see glimpses of the peaceful calm forgiving feeling again.Pretty strange but that is how it is. I guess that today I just have that pissed off feeling.

Good for you for letting go of the anger....concentrate on it and enjoy it and keep working on staying that way. Hopefully my day willl come soon.

venusinlibra

It's really strange, I see everything so clearly now. I look back at the past and I think
"What the hell was I thinking?" I don't blame him, I allowed it to happen, but he has been sober almost a year, and still pulling the same old crap. I guess he thought I would never throw in the towel. Today I just feel like I'm "over it" and I can't wait to move on. My ex will be moving out at the end of the month as well. Hang tight sister, serenity is just around corner.

Mair

Im so pleased for you. I am at peace now too, it takes some getting used to but its nice. I have good days and bad too, but they are mostly good. I make plans for me and just do a lot of stuff ive booked a holiday to Italy end of this summer, and am currently trying to learn Italian. I have to keep busy.

I dont hate my xab either and ive stopped daydreaming that mabye one day things will get better,i just cant wait that long. i do find myself having a weak moment every now and then, when i miss him, i have a cry brush myself off and start again. My choices are easier now i chose ME. Keep strong.

Mair xx

NYC_Chick

I hear ya! I just ended my 3.5 year relationship with my xabf. It's hard!!! I have moments of severe sadness, the they go to extreme anger. I do love him more than I have ever loved anyone, but hope he's not the love of my life because if he is and this is the best I get, that would be very sad.

He did the same things: the crying, pleading and words of love kill me and worked for a very long time to keep me in that place. I had no boundaries with him. Slowly, I formed some starting with no physical contact, which went to not phone contact, which has now ended up in no contact at all. It hurts, but think about all those moments he hurt you remind yourself why you are better than that.

I have found, and maybe it's not the best, that it is better for me not to have the big goodbye talk. The last communication we had was him saying, leaving nothing left to ponder, that alcohol was his choice and if I didn't like it he would learn to live without me, even though I am the love of his life. Then he proceeded to tell me that HE was tired and having a rough day so he couldn't deal with me anymore. I though, ok a**hole! Thanks for reminding me why I need to get out. I simply emailed back goodbye and haven't heard from him since.

You will be ok! Cry as much and as often as you need to and talk, talk, talk it out of your system!:ghug3

Barbara52

I too felt great peace almost immediately after leaving my STBXAH. I began seeing things more clearly after a very short period of time. I have retained the peace for 6 months now by continuing to work on understanding myself and the whys of my choices. I have had minimal contact with STBXAH, keeping it to financial matter and now the sale of the house. I care about him but I know his choices are his and he will do whatever he will do. Its not my problem and I no longer worry about it.

SerenitySeaker

I am in the same position and know I still have a lot feelings that I need to allow myself to feel. Take things one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time if you have to.

Don't beat yourself up, I'm sure you did the best you could and now it's time to think about you and all you have ahead of you. There are going to be hard times but the good times will be well worth it in the end.