DESIGNER

I did well today......except for right now.
He has been extremely nice to me for the past 2 days....but still says that we should not be together-ok fine. So why do you continue to go on telling me about your day? Why did he feel the need to tell me when his friend called him tonight where he was going and that his friend had someone up there that he wanted him to meet? If we are not together then why do you feel the need to act as though we are best friends or boyfriend/girlfriend? I told him that I can not do that.
I may appear very strong in my other thread I posted but I am still soooo sooo vulnerable.....I hurt so bad right now. My heart literally hurts. I feel soo hollow inside. I know that I am needing to be strong and I will continue to do this but god it hurts like hell right now. If only he knew the pain I felt.

I don't want to know his plans....I don't care.
God please let these next 2 months go by fast.

Spiritual Seeker

sorry to hear you are hurting and fearful
I am not sure what is going on with you in the next two mos.
For me if I keep an exercise routine and see and stay in touch with my friends time passes well.

DESIGNER

I am going to start my working out routine again tommorrow. It does help me a lot and I used to excercise all the time and stayed in good shape. lately though I have been so down about all that is going on that I have had a hard time motivating myself. I will get up and go tommorrow regardless of how I feel.

I do have a wonderful girlfriend that recently just went through a divorce because of her husbands alcohol problem. I have been leaning on her for support and it helps but I still hurt. God I hate feeling like this.

shakarris

Designer, I am in the same situation - I am leaving April 1 and we still live together. He is being very nice, well normal - still actively drinking daily but has not had an outburst since I told him I was going.
I know it is hard but if I can share.. I am trying to do the same. Why? to keep my sanity. I will not let him make me this angry person for the next 2 months - it is not as hard as I thought once I made my mind up.

Although there are times I want to be gone now it is not an option and I have to just get through the day so I figure ( for me ) I might as well be as adjusted as I can, then once I get to my own place I hope I will have worked through some of the painful things that may happen once I will not be a part of his daily life.

So I listen to his day, laugh at the stupid things the dogs are doing, go out and do my own thing and do not fuss about what he is doing - or not doing

For me it is working, the tears a few and even my friends are saying I look happier -

hang in there - keep strong

shakarris

Miss Pink

Maybe the question should be "Why do I keep talking to him when it only hurts me"?

I put on my bullet proof vest when I realized that it was ME who kept standing up in the line of fire.

Sounds like he tells you this stuff cus it gets a reaction of care and concern out of you. Thats the way addiction works.....unless you choose not to engage.

Rella927

Sorry that you are hurting right now-

When I stopped engaging in conversation with my X is when my hurt began to let up a bit. I started focusing on the good things that were coming in my future-

Find a nice quiet spot and take a few moments and just breathe...and let the emotions of unhealthy thoughts drift away-allow the healthy ones-to enter and focus on those and you!

This too shall pass and you will be ok-going through the pain is worth what is on the other side-although it may not seem like it now-

LaTeeDa

I think excercise is a great way to put the focus back on you. For me, that alone wasn't enough. I needed the help of a professional counselor to help me get past that "hollow" feeling. And I learned how to fill it without the help (attachment) of another person. It is one of the best things I have ever done for myself.

L

Growing

I hope you can get to some alanon meets over the next 2 months. Some new friends and the support may help you...I know that the support and understanding from alanon may help ease the sharpest pains you are feeling right now. You are not alone.

carolineb

Designer~

There is no substitute for time....it just takes time......and whether you know it or not, you are growing from this and will continue to do so everyday. Just keep looking forward and know that you are on the right path.

Don't back down or you will start the clock of healing all over again.

Best to you.

DESIGNER

He came howe around 3:30 a.m. I had fallen asleep on the couch and I woke up for a few minutes and he decided to tell me alll about his night. He didn't mention girls or anything but honestly I don't want to act normal and listen to his day. A part of me is really pisssed off still

He says that he just wants to be civil with each other. To me being civil is just basically respecting the other persons space and not acting as though friends but not enemy's. I told him that tonight it was nice him coming home and talking to me and acting like the sweet boyfriend that he can be but it is a little too late-he is not trying to change himself-he was drinking when I got home. I told him that as long as he is drinking and not trying to change his life to please just leave me alone.

I said that i think that it is funny that he wants to be " civil " right now now that we are breaking up but when we were together there were so many moments that he was not civil to me!!!

LaTeeDa

I don't find drunken ramblings at 3:30am to be civil at all. I would find it downright rude. (but, that's just me, I like my sleep! )

L

denny57

Today, I might say, "I was sleeping." Then turn over and go back to it.

DESIGNER

actually by the grace of God he was not drunk when he came in this morning. I am sure that he had continued drinking but he knows that right now he needs to be on his best behavior so that he can try to prove to me that our relationship is not ending because of him drinking...or getting drunk. I know him pretty well.....he will pretty much try and act like an angel for a while to prove me wrong and than once I am not around will continue.

LaTeeDa

Well, that really wasn't my point. My point was that I would not take kindly to be awakened at 3:30am and would not consider it "civil." To each his own.

L