Barbara52

It takes time, sometimes a long time, before we are ready to look inward. The outward problems and issues can be so loud they drown out the inner voice. Especially when we are new at looking at the whole alcoholic situation, it can be impossible to hear the inner voice. But it can become louder if we start listening for it.

karmakoma

Indeed it might, FD and Barbara. I guess I sometimes forget that others may seek out information at a different stage to me. *learns lesson*. Was just idly musing, I suppose, on my road to recovery, which is not that of everyone.

edit - was not a criticism, btw, merely an observation. I think I am despondent that there are not more lightbulbs on here....

FormerDoormat

I like your idol musings, Karmie

Barbara52

I suspect your idle musings and the responses may indeed trigger deeper responses in a number of people.

denny57

Over time I've learned I turned on more lightbulbs than I knew. That's nice to hear, but not why I share. I'm sure many people turned on lightbulbs for me and I did not acknowledge them.

I no longer assume (I was a BIG assumer) I know what, if any, impact I'm having by sharing here and elsewhere. In my case, it took others asking the hard questions for me to even consider looking at my part. It didn't happen overnight.

steve11694

maybe they were really saying " thanks for taking US off the hook"

LaTeeDa

I am always very mindful of the stats on the front page. It seems that there are usually at least 10 "guests" for every member viewing this forum. I try to say my own truth, even if those posting and responding don't seem to understand or want to hear it. I was one of those lurkers for quite a long time, and I got more from the threads I didn't actively participate in than anyone will ever know. Thanks.

L

Pajarito

Yes- exactly what I am trying to do- and precisely why I am sometimes silent. My brain is in hamster mode. Thanks to all of you. . .

Growing

"Looking at payoffs is a daily occurence for me. Every single choice I make involves one."---KarmaKoma

"i think for me the payoff was not having to take manage of my life, because i was occupied with trying to manage his. i was hiding in my relationship."---lillian

Thank you for this thread KarmaKoma. I agree with lillian. I hid behind anyones problems. It didn't have to be my mate at the time. I hid behind relatives and friends problems. I hid behind any persons problems that I found "interesting". How sick is that?

After 11yrs of al-anon and acoa, I have realized my payoff was not having to deal with MY stuff. I was so overwhelmed by MY stuff. I thought I would suffer some kind of death if I began to scale the mountain called "my issues".

My payoff for *choosing* other peoples problems was that I got to stay in denial. Denial was comfortable and safe, at that time. I thought I was using *smoke and mirrors* to protect myself, but I was really just sick.

My higher power helped with this. I realized I only needed to begin by taking *one step*.

"When I realised that I was choosing the consequence and then choosing the action (rather than the other way around), it became clearer."---KarmaKoma

1. The consequence I chose: remaining sick

2. The action/s I chose: hiding behind other peoples problems and needs

The above helped me today...its one of those "golden nuggets of truth." Thank You!