To All That Responded To My First Post
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Brownsville, VT
Posts: 2
To All That Responded To My First Post
Now I know there is a God after all. I am so glad that I found this site, as I feared that I was going under alone. Your words of wisdom really opened my eyes. Not what I do next is anyone's guess. This has been the toughest pill I have ever had to swallow. Most of the sites I have gone were critical and told me "if I was going to complain, leave". OK...then they would say, "we don't feel sorry for you as you chose to stay". That's when I knew I had to get out of those sites. I am not stupid or naive. I know more than they gave me credit for. Thank God for this site.
All your words and thoughts are true and really hit home. I hate Fridays. I hate them because I know that I will have to live with 48 hours of BS. I just don't understand. Maybe I am dumb, but why does this happen. I am beginning to think it's cause of me. He says very hateful things to me sometimes and then other times he says nothing at all. (now those are the times I wish for). He says, "No wonder your X drank". Yes, he was an alcoholic too, but why is it my fault? That's like me blaming someone for my Lupus and all the other ilnesses I have. I am not angry about them. You have to ake the dirt that's dished out to you. No one said things would be perfect, I know that, but enough is enough. I really don't know where I am going? I really don't know what to do. My Mom says I can go live with her but she is afraid that he will cause problems and she don't need that, not at 83. (I know who put that in her head and it's my sisters). Keep your friends close and your enemy's closer. Don't turn your back cause they may stab you. I'm really not a bad person. I try to be kind to people and thoguhtful but to no reward. I can't tell you how many times I wished I could just go home and be with the Lord, but then He wouldn't like that. Sometimes looking into the face of death isn't so bad after all. NO ONE knows what we go through but it's real easy to say, "leave" or "go" or "no one is holding your capture". Yea, OK...thanks for all your help! I hope you can understand where I am coming from. 22 years and I still don't get it. I feel like I am a loser cause I can't get my life straightened out. I am a disippointment to my Mom and my daughters. Nothing, absolutely nothing hurts more than that. I will post later and I really thank you from my heart!
All your words and thoughts are true and really hit home. I hate Fridays. I hate them because I know that I will have to live with 48 hours of BS. I just don't understand. Maybe I am dumb, but why does this happen. I am beginning to think it's cause of me. He says very hateful things to me sometimes and then other times he says nothing at all. (now those are the times I wish for). He says, "No wonder your X drank". Yes, he was an alcoholic too, but why is it my fault? That's like me blaming someone for my Lupus and all the other ilnesses I have. I am not angry about them. You have to ake the dirt that's dished out to you. No one said things would be perfect, I know that, but enough is enough. I really don't know where I am going? I really don't know what to do. My Mom says I can go live with her but she is afraid that he will cause problems and she don't need that, not at 83. (I know who put that in her head and it's my sisters). Keep your friends close and your enemy's closer. Don't turn your back cause they may stab you. I'm really not a bad person. I try to be kind to people and thoguhtful but to no reward. I can't tell you how many times I wished I could just go home and be with the Lord, but then He wouldn't like that. Sometimes looking into the face of death isn't so bad after all. NO ONE knows what we go through but it's real easy to say, "leave" or "go" or "no one is holding your capture". Yea, OK...thanks for all your help! I hope you can understand where I am coming from. 22 years and I still don't get it. I feel like I am a loser cause I can't get my life straightened out. I am a disippointment to my Mom and my daughters. Nothing, absolutely nothing hurts more than that. I will post later and I really thank you from my heart!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Suzy
You're not a loser, you're a winner for reaching out for help. Losers give up, winners keep trying even if they fail a few times.
Your life is tough and you are in bad circumstances, but you can build your emotional and physical strength back up and make choices when you feel stronger. And you don't have to make a decision today. Just take it all one small step at a time, and one day at a time.
Suzy, I pray every morning and ask God to just give me the strength to make it through today and that helps me remember that He is with me always. And every night I say "thank You" .
I'll say a prayer for you, Suzy, that you too can find peace and strength in your life and that we can help you when you can't do it alone.
You're not a loser, you're a winner for reaching out for help. Losers give up, winners keep trying even if they fail a few times.
Your life is tough and you are in bad circumstances, but you can build your emotional and physical strength back up and make choices when you feel stronger. And you don't have to make a decision today. Just take it all one small step at a time, and one day at a time.
Suzy, I pray every morning and ask God to just give me the strength to make it through today and that helps me remember that He is with me always. And every night I say "thank You" .
I'll say a prayer for you, Suzy, that you too can find peace and strength in your life and that we can help you when you can't do it alone.
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Hinsdale, Illinois
Posts: 19
keep coming back
I have soooooo been there. I hear the pain you are in and I want you to know that you have not failed. Your time is now, please take time to take a deep breath, pray (use the serenity prayer like a mantra if you have to!) and try to do what is good for YOU, and that will be good for your kids too. You are very angry, very hurt, and I totally understand that. My husband is in the "not speaking" mode the past two weeks. In the past when he's done that, and he could keep it up for months, I felt so shut out, disrespected -- not even human. I just wanted to die. It hurts and it seemed I was less of a person everytime I "let" that happen.
You are not less of a person, and neither am I. Today I'm dealing with his anger/not speaking/withdwal symptoms and I've found this site, some alanon people in my area, and I'm functioning on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. You can too. You are a strong person, competent, and loving. Let those qualities live in you -- don't bury them alive.
You are not less of a person, and neither am I. Today I'm dealing with his anger/not speaking/withdwal symptoms and I've found this site, some alanon people in my area, and I'm functioning on a daily, sometimes hourly basis. You can too. You are a strong person, competent, and loving. Let those qualities live in you -- don't bury them alive.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
You have to take the dirt that's dished out to you.
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Remember one very important thing..........He really wants you to believe that everything is your fault. That way if he has you believing that he never has to take responsibility for anything that he is doing.
My ex used to say stuff like that about my ex husband.......no wonder he did such and such. It's a very cruel thing to say.
If you stick with Alanon one day at a time you'll be able to find your way out of it. Can you go for some counselling too?
Ngaire
My ex used to say stuff like that about my ex husband.......no wonder he did such and such. It's a very cruel thing to say.
If you stick with Alanon one day at a time you'll be able to find your way out of it. Can you go for some counselling too?
Ngaire
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