tryingtofly

Well, I gave it a lot of thought and made an appt for next week with the crown attorney to see about getting the no contact order lifted. I've thought about it a lot and spoke with my parents about it. I'm not at all concerned that he will be a danger to me. My parents (whose judgement I trust) have spent a lot of time talking with my AH and believe that he is on the road to recovery and is serious about it. He's seen what his mom has/is going through with her drinking (lost her job, house etc) and he realizes that he was headed on the same path and changed paths. According to my mom he is attending meetings every day, found a sponsor and is reading "The Big Book" on his own every day.
I don't have a single doubt about him; his recovery or the fact that he won't hurt me. Now I just need to figure out how to express this to the crown.

DII

How long has the order been in place......how long has he been sober?

tryingtofly

Since Christmas for both questions. He wasn't a daily (or even weekly drinker) and has gone for 3-6 months at a time without drinking. It's not a matter of his drinking (the NCO) it's a matter of whether or not he would hurt me. In researching NCO orders in Ontario I've found that the court date is often remanded (sp?) and couples end up spending upwards of 6 months apart without speaking or any form of communication. I couldn't handle that.

DII

By Christmas you mean a week and a half ago? Too soon......why couldn't you be apart for 6 months?

GiveLove

From your previous posts, it sounds as though you may get hurt again if his sobriety doesn't hold. He has shoved you, torn your clothing, broken your possessions....just because it was done when he was drunk doesn't mean it's okay. Does it?

This is your decision of course.....but of course we're bound to worry. Just be very careful with yourself. I'm praying that what you THINK is happening, is actually happening. That would be terrific for all involved.

tryingtofly

Yes, I mean this past Christmas. I couldn't be apart for 6 months, but he is my husband. I want him home with me, I want to be there to support him in his recovery, I want to be able to hear about what he's learning, I want to be able to work on our relationship problems (that aren't related to his drinking) I want to start living the rest of our lives together, not apart.

tryingtofly

You're right, if his sobriety doesn't hold he can be an awful person. I also agree that just because he was drunk when he did it doesn't mean it's ok, not by a long shot! It was wrong - drunk or sober.

Obviously I haven't seen or spoken with him, but I trust my mom's judgement (sometimes more than I trust my own! LOL) and she is amazed by the difference in him. The two of them have had a lot of good talks in the past week, often ending in both of them crying good tears. He visits with my mom after every meeting and shows her what he learnt and how it applies to him and his recovery. He's returned to his Catholic roots and is attending Church and is speaking with the priest there.
If he was treating this as a joke or no big deal, no matter how much I missed him I wouldn't want him home. But he's trying so hard to turn his life around and make our lives better, that I want him home so we can work on it together (the relationship part).
Thank you for worrying - believe it or not I appreciate it. I debated a lot about posting this year because I was worried that a lot of people would critisize me for this (and understandable because a lot of people here have been hurt) but in my heart and my head I truly believe this is the right thing to do.

Barbara52

I hope he is serious about his recovery. I just know that 11 or so days doesn't mean a whole lot.

Are you going to get yourself into therapy or go to AlAnon? Either or both will help you develop the knowledge and skills you need to help yourself as you support his efforts to begin recovery.

tryingtofly

You're right 11 days isn't a whole lot of time, but one of my favorite quotes says "A journey of a million miles begins with just a few steps". My uncle was sober for 18 years when he relapsed so I know that it can happen at anytime.

I did go to an Alanon meeting and it frustrated me to the point of tears. I'm going to try it again, but right now isn't the right time for me. I am seeing a counselor and will continue with that.

Rella927

Try2Fly

I was also in tears my first Al-Anon meeting but my counselor asked that I go back and give it a try-at least 6 meetings-I went and I just sat there and listened.

IMHO and I mean this from the heart .....it is not enough time-to remove the order

I'm dealing with my XABF for 2 years now-STILL and he was recently arrested for stalking me-and I have to deal with court yet again! He has been in recovery and out of recovery-and I truly believe that when they say 6 months- a year with recovery under their belt that it is true! I would then consider it.....until then I would continue your counseling which is GREAT! and also try another meeting-they are worth it.....Al-Anon has given me the tools and still giving more to me everyday to deal with my own life and how I react to others in my life! It has given me peace ....

Keep posting your not alone!