Alanon and compassion for the A and/or leaving the A?
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
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Originally Posted by GiveLove 
As much as I love Al-Anon, I don't believe in the statement "it is possible to find happiness whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not."
I simply disagree there. Look at some of the stories here. Having a raging drunk in your house seven days of the week, calling you names, peeing on the rug, peeing on your kids, alcohol-related medical problems draining your savings, alcohol expenditures making basic living expenses hard to meet, and making no effort at recovery....tell me where the happiness can possibly lie in that situation?
The fact that the speaker couldn't give you an answer says a lot to me.
Imho, Al-Anon is a wonderful program but not to be taken with blind faith. Our hearts know where our happiness lies, not the Big Book.
I simply disagree there. Look at some of the stories here. Having a raging drunk in your house seven days of the week, calling you names, peeing on the rug, peeing on your kids, alcohol-related medical problems draining your savings, alcohol expenditures making basic living expenses hard to meet, and making no effort at recovery....tell me where the happiness can possibly lie in that situation?
The fact that the speaker couldn't give you an answer says a lot to me.
Imho, Al-Anon is a wonderful program but not to be taken with blind faith. Our hearts know where our happiness lies, not the Big Book.
If only we could train the alcoholics to pee in the garden around the flowers and trees so we could enjoy lovely blooming flowers naturally fertilized. Perhaps our neighbors would pay to have their flora fertilized also. Just a possible way to gain some income from an alcoholic that may be unemployed.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: "Somewhere in Ohio" ... little joke from past
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Queen, I have mixed thoughts on this one as well. First of all, I have never read the "Big Book". From what I've heard, if I read the section for wives I'd probably throw it through a window. I don't know if it's just gossip or not, but I've read online that Bill W. was quite the ladies' man. For that reason alone, he'd have to go, if I were married to him.
And therein lies the heart of the matter. I have thought before, that had my XABF ONLY drank through the day, gone home, quietly gone to bed, and been a happy, loving, considerate fiancee, the good might have outweighed the bad.
But the alcohol is usually only part of the equation. I think he would be a miserable SOB drunk OR sober. He lied, cheated, schemed, manipulated, berated, belittled, and dictated, most likely his whole life.
So from my experience, and me knowing my temper and level of patience for boorish behavior, NO, I couldn't live with an alcoholic! I want FAR more out of a partner than THAT BS.
And therein lies the heart of the matter. I have thought before, that had my XABF ONLY drank through the day, gone home, quietly gone to bed, and been a happy, loving, considerate fiancee, the good might have outweighed the bad.
But the alcohol is usually only part of the equation. I think he would be a miserable SOB drunk OR sober. He lied, cheated, schemed, manipulated, berated, belittled, and dictated, most likely his whole life.
So from my experience, and me knowing my temper and level of patience for boorish behavior, NO, I couldn't live with an alcoholic! I want FAR more out of a partner than THAT BS.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
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Regarding alcoholics being "ladies men" or "mens ladies" in the case of female alcoholics;
interviews i have conducted of recoverees from aa show a mixed bag. Some males were promiscuous as were some females. There is no lack of recovering alcoholics that tell the tale of alcohol becoming their lover. That is, availability of sexual encounters at bars, discos, etc, but they got too drunk to care.
interviews i have conducted of recoverees from aa show a mixed bag. Some males were promiscuous as were some females. There is no lack of recovering alcoholics that tell the tale of alcohol becoming their lover. That is, availability of sexual encounters at bars, discos, etc, but they got too drunk to care.
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