Dottie

Hi everyone! I know it's been awhile since I posted but I've been going through alot. Well I went to the doctor last week and he put me on anti-depresents for my stress. I start theropy next week. Well he's gone again so when he called wanting to come back home I told him no. Well yesterday his dad called me and said that he went to the emergency room because his blood pressure was so high from the drugs. His dad said that my husband wanted me to come to the hospital to see him but I told his dad that I wouldn't go. I feel that I'm still weak and will fall weak for him and let him back in. I feel I did right but my heart is saying "how can you be so cold hearted". My friends say that I did the right thing since I feel that he would convince me to let him come home. Well today a homeless shelter director called me about him. He said that he was living there and going through a rehab there and my husband wanted me to come see him and bring him some clothes and personal items. I told the director that I will bring his things to him tomorrow. The director suggested that I see him when I go down there but I'm scared that I'll give in again. I don't know how strong I can be. I feel that I have to get myself back to a stable mind before I can deal with him. The director told me that I was wrong and that we should both do this together. I feel in my heart that he only went there to make me feel guilty and sorry for him. Since he's been gone I haven't had as much pressure on me and I've been in a good state of mind. I feel at ease when he's not here. I can sleep better at night knowing that my car and money will be there in the morning. I love him and want him home with us but I just don't think that I can keep going through this time and time again. Please give me some of your advice. Thank you.

liddy

Dottie
You are doing alright, dont be swayed out of guilt or some outsider. You are the one saying your not strong right now,noone else can judge that.
so, what are you doing for yourself ? Dottie, if you havent been to alanon do that for yourself. it may seem scary at first but you will soon see that the love and support you will find there is the beginning for our own recovery. A twelve step program will help in ways you cannot imagine. Without the right tools we find ourselves in a merry go round of trying the same things over and over that dont work !
Peace and Hugs
liddy

Ann

Dottie

You need to do what is right for you and right now I would trust your feelings.

Maybe you could get someone else to drop off his things, or arrange to do it yourself when he is not present.

My son has also lived at a shelter, more than once, and I will not visit there anymore. One time I had to get his things to take to detox and I was surprised how clean everything was and that there were counsellors there for those who wanted help, as well as access to programs and meetings. There is no need for you to feel guilty.

Take time to regain your balance and decide what you would like your situation to be. You have choices and you have the right to be happy and anxiety free.

spongebob

I think you are doing the right thing. I think you are a very strong and very smart person for not seeing him! I am sure it is difficult but hang in there!
Good luck,
Maria

Dottie

thank you everyone! I feel much better and I know I did the right thing. I talked to my friend and she is going with me tomorrow to take him his clothes. I'll feel better with her going with me. He knows that he can't talk his way back if she's with me. She's kind of like my backbone. To add to it she is his sister-in-law. We have been friends since middle school. I've known her longer than i've known him. She has protected me from this situation before. I think we can do it together.

JT

Dottie,

Good for you! You do exactly what feels right for you. We will be there too! It is funny...when I go through something bad I have all these people begind me cheering me on. Think of us...we will be thinking of you!

Hugs,
JT

spongebob

Dottie,
Me too. I am right there behind you, supporting you all of the way! I think you are a very brave woman. Good luck.
Maria

Sarah2003

Dottie! I am sooooo proud of you!!!!

As a STAR co-dependent, it is so hard for me to stick with my boundaries. We're separated, and when I'm around him now, I fear ME.....not him. I'm fearful that I will cave and give in to his pain.

My therapist enlightened me on something that really helps me.....he told me that AH needs to feel his pain right now in order to continue his progress into recovery. He also told me that it's good for me to hold on to some of my pain right now, to help me stick to my boundaries.

Take care.....I'm sending positive thoughts your way, Dottie! You are doin' great!

Sarah

margo

Hi Dottie - just wanted to join the chorus and tell you that you are doing the right thing. This is about YOU, not him, and you just continue to do whatever makes you feel the best. What you have done is declared a boundary, which is fantastic. Don't let the director of the shelter convince you that you you are wrong - trust your gut feeling and if it doesn't feel right, then don't do it. I'm really pleased to hear that you've got someone going with you to drop off some things for him - it helps so much to have that kind of support. And as JT said, we're all supporting you too!

Love and hugs.