I need a sponsor
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 62
I need a sponsor
I know I need a sponsor
Hi,
I am feeling a bit better today, I've decided to do a post often for a while until I am feeling strong again. I got some good advice yesterday about finding a sponsor in my home group, I havn't got anyone in mind, but I will be looking for a sponsor.
I need some consistency with the programme in my life, I need to work this daily, until it becomes second nature to me. I cant carry on coping with my situation the way I have been, it has been making me really ill and unhappy, and my son is out there enjoying himself when he's got what he wants, and I sit at home miserable and depressed and worrying with him living in my head, not anymore, I have to change for my own sake.
My head is still racing a bit, thinking about moving where no-one knows where I am, but I dont think that is the answer. I have to be honest, I do have slips when I give him money and buy him food, just so he will go and give me some peace, and then I feel guilty.
What is worse at the moment is I seem to have shut my feelings down and find it really hard to cry, when I start to cry I hold back, it hurts to much to feel, yet I know this is unhealthy.
My son might not want recovery for a long time, I have to start today, one step at a time, easy does it but do it. Thanks for all your support if you can give some more suggestions today teht would be great.
Thanks
Jewel
Hi,
I am feeling a bit better today, I've decided to do a post often for a while until I am feeling strong again. I got some good advice yesterday about finding a sponsor in my home group, I havn't got anyone in mind, but I will be looking for a sponsor.
I need some consistency with the programme in my life, I need to work this daily, until it becomes second nature to me. I cant carry on coping with my situation the way I have been, it has been making me really ill and unhappy, and my son is out there enjoying himself when he's got what he wants, and I sit at home miserable and depressed and worrying with him living in my head, not anymore, I have to change for my own sake.
My head is still racing a bit, thinking about moving where no-one knows where I am, but I dont think that is the answer. I have to be honest, I do have slips when I give him money and buy him food, just so he will go and give me some peace, and then I feel guilty.
What is worse at the moment is I seem to have shut my feelings down and find it really hard to cry, when I start to cry I hold back, it hurts to much to feel, yet I know this is unhealthy.
My son might not want recovery for a long time, I have to start today, one step at a time, easy does it but do it. Thanks for all your support if you can give some more suggestions today teht would be great.
Thanks
Jewel
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
********{Jewel}}}}}}
Wanted to send you some hugs!!
Sounds like you are going to be taking care of you, which is a very good thing!!
Hang in there!
Many hugs,
Debbie
Wanted to send you some hugs!!
Sounds like you are going to be taking care of you, which is a very good thing!!
Hang in there!
Many hugs,
Debbie
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Jewel,
When I went into Alanon I was broken and I had realized nothing I was doing was doing any good. I went to meetings...in my case lot's of them. I listened. I read the literature daily and I found a sponsor. You will find daily readers and other literature at your meeting. You can get a meeting list and try other meetings. Suprisingly you will see familiar faces that attemd more than one meeting.
In AA they say not to make any major changes for a year. I applied that to myself. I waited for the program to begin to take hold and slowly it did. It is hard to detach because someone tells you to. You have to feel it and understand it. Today if he shows up my advise to you would be to do whatever it is that makes you feels the least bad. You have enough regrets...let's try not to add anymore. If making a sandwhich makes you feel better than turning him away then do it. From today on it is about you and your feelings.
You did a good thing today by posting. It sounds like you are doing better. I will be looking forward to seeing your posts.
Hugs,
JT
When I went into Alanon I was broken and I had realized nothing I was doing was doing any good. I went to meetings...in my case lot's of them. I listened. I read the literature daily and I found a sponsor. You will find daily readers and other literature at your meeting. You can get a meeting list and try other meetings. Suprisingly you will see familiar faces that attemd more than one meeting.
In AA they say not to make any major changes for a year. I applied that to myself. I waited for the program to begin to take hold and slowly it did. It is hard to detach because someone tells you to. You have to feel it and understand it. Today if he shows up my advise to you would be to do whatever it is that makes you feels the least bad. You have enough regrets...let's try not to add anymore. If making a sandwhich makes you feel better than turning him away then do it. From today on it is about you and your feelings.
You did a good thing today by posting. It sounds like you are doing better. I will be looking forward to seeing your posts.
Hugs,
JT
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