Blues2

ok.. I found out I was played. I was doing our bills last night and my stupid ah went to package store to buy beer on the debit card on Monday. He told me that he did not drink as of Sunday. I told him that the lies are what is pulling this family apart. We had such a nice Friday and Saturday and Sunday (stores do not sell beer on sundays here). I believe him. We were together all weekend. So when I said something he said... what do you want me to do.. I said nothing.. you drink and I am going to take care of me and the kids. I told him that I do not believe a thing out of his mouth. We have this recurring conversation about lies.. this was before h became ah. That he could never look me in the face and lie.. well I told him it was a lot easier then he thought.
I told him that I feel the need to just do what I do with the kids and my life and if he happens to be sober and wants to participate great if not... then we will go on with out him.
I came clean in our conversation that I was attracted to another person. Nothing came of it but emotionally he was saying the things to me I needed to hear. This man and I stopped talking because we both knew we were emotionally needy and that was going no where healthy. I was sad but know it was not something I needed on my plate, especially since he is a 13 year recovering addict and alcoholic.

Today ah said he was calling insurance... I am putting no faith in that. It just sucks that a lie can ruin what I thought was such a nice weekend. It was just like old times before he drank. I can not separate his lie from enjoying him sober... what is my problem?

blues

denny57

When I came to understand that my accepting a liar in my life was what was pulling it apart, I began to heal. I cannot change an alcoholic, a liar, a manipulator, a smoker, a foot tapper, a knuckle cracker, someone who talks too much, talks too little, writes with their left hand and on and on. I can only change me.

nowinsituation

Blues2 -- I know exactly what you mean. My ah "quit drinking" immediately the first time I confronted him that I thought he had a problem. It all seemed too easy to me. When I found out the extreme measures he was going through to make it "appear" as if he had quit drinking that's when I knew I was done. I was in total disbelief that he would lie straight to my face; whatever problems we had I at least thought I could still trust him. That is gone now and so am I!! I'm sorry that you are going through it, too.

mamajama

I remember when I complained to an Al Anon friend about the lies of the alcoholic and she said ....

So, how do you know when an alcoholic is lying?

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(When his lips are moving!)

Lilyflower

Courtesy of Ann and Jon.....

''What Addicts Do

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.''

cagefree

Same goes with me