nowinsituation

Hello again -- I posted my story a few days ago, and thank you all for your support. Earlier I shared how I discovered my husband's drinking; and that I left him (about a week ago). I am struggling now with how my family is reacting to our separation. My AH was never a loud, rude, or obnoxious drunk. In fact, I lived with him every day and I didn't even realize that he was drinking as much as he was until I started keeping track. I didn't really talk about it to anyone else. What triggered me leaving was when he lied straight to my face about not drinking; when I knew he was still drinking a substantial amount EVERY day and working very hard to keep it hidden from me.

I have told a few family members what was going on. They haven't come right out and said it; but I can tell that they don't believe me. I'm not sure how to handle this. It does kind of make me doubt myself -- only for a minute -- because I have a journal that I can read to remind me of exactly what was going on. Also some of my family are dealing with alcohol issues either of their own or of their SO. I think if they have to admit that my husband is an alcoholic they may have to examine their own lives a little closer. If they agree that my husband has a problem with alcohol; then they might just have to wonder if they themselves have a problem with alcohol.

This is going to be hard for me, because I can tell they feel sorry for my AH. I don't want to make him out to be a monster, but I don't want them to think I would throw my marriage away over nothing.

Any thoughts???

KarenMarie1

Only you can decide what is right for YOU! Everybody can give you all the advice and opinions they want, but YOU are the one who is living out your life. When I left and decided to end my marriage alot of people and family members were shocked and could not believe some of the things I said.
Well, after a year or so they saw for themselves what I was talking about. YOU have to make the decision about what is best for you and your life. Don't worry about what everybody else thinks. They are not walking in your shoes or living your life.

shakarris

Hi - I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. It does not matter what anyone thinks but you. Keep re reading your journal - you know you are not imagining anything. I know there were times I really thought the crap that spweed fro his mouth was true.. but you know the truth that is all that matters

I live with an active drinker - oh is he funny, whitty the life of the party - but we get home and MR UGLY escorts me throught the door. Only now are people he hangs with seeing his ugly side and realizing I am not crazy. Not that I care what they think but is nice to see them with out that glaring look in thier eyes.

Too bad he is misssing a great person who wanted nothing more than a happy life with him his loss

shakarris

denny57

For me, it doesn't matter if anyone believes AH is alcoholic, or even if he is - it's about me living my best life. Why wouldn't everyone else want that for me?

Barbara52

Whatever the reasons, you felt it was necessary to leave to give yourself a better life. Do not doubt yourself and your decisions. You made those decisions for good reasons.

No one else can ever know what a marriage is truly like except for those in that marriage.

ARealLady

My AH was never a loud, rude, or obnoxious drunk

Nor was XABF. And, as he reminded me on more than one occasion, he wasn't abusive in any way....well, not until I began to set a few boundaries.

I didn't even realize that he was drinking as much as he was until I started keeping track

Neither did I. I didn't want to play "mommy". I knew he was drinking and I decided that I could deal with that until the drinking affected me and I think I started keeping track when the drinking was affecting me.

he lied straight to my face about not drinking

That was a deal breaker for me. He told me he had been in rehab when the truth was that he'd been in jail for DUI.

Each person knows how much they can and will tolerate. Your life is YOURS. Please do not live according to how others think you should live. Your marriage is between you and your H.

I have a journal that I can read to remind me of exactly what was going on.

I have one of those too and they are helpful.

I understand!

ARL

Pick-a-name

Your situation sounds very familiar and I think your analysis of it is right on target.

I agree with what all the others have said. Glad you are here and I hope you stick around; I have found just reading and posting with others who do understand,to be a great help and comfort.