breaking point

Scince I first posted that last thread (I think about two weeks ago) I have been so strong. My ABF and I leaned on each other alot. Scince I kicked him out I went downhill a bit, I gave my notice on my flat then my landlord told me I had to clear all the crap out and fix everything. This would normally be a job for ABF because there alot of things I can't do. But instead of running back to him and begging for him to come back to me I called my family. I know it's not the most independant thing to do but they all grouped together to help me knowing what would happen if they didn't. Then shortly after that I got rats. Yep of all the times to be ridden with vermin it had to be when I'm trying to be strong!! But I was!! I called the landlord, temporarily moved into another (completely unfurnished) flat with nothing but a pillow and a duvet to sleep on for a week, I once again leaned on my family for support and stayed strong for my job (which you can read about on my last post). Then just when I thought I was being really good I got the phone call I have been dreading: "Ms Breaking Point? Hello my name is bad news I'm calling from A&E in Hell. We have ABF here and has named you as next of kin." Of course he would. Why wouldn't he. I'm his safety net after all, his leaning post and his carpet to walk on. I hung up and got my coat. I got in my car and adjusted my rear view. in doing so I cought a glimpse of myself. This wasn't the same person who was on a first name basis with A&E staff...................Sorry I think my comp is gonna crash

breaking point

................this wasn't the same person who knew most patrolling officers and bouncers and kebab house staff. The person in the mirror...............drum rollplease!!...............was ME. I'm not going to adhere to his mind games. I wont be dragged down by him again. I did what I would do if any LITTLE BOY was kicking up fuss and wasn't my responsability. I called his mum. Few years back she threw him out for the same reasons so I knew she'd understand. I have heard nothing from either of them scince and I'm so proud of myself!! I'm to much of a caring person to just not care, of course I care but i'm sound in knowing that he DOES have a roof over his head and he DOES have a steady job and income so I don't need to worry why he's in hospital because he is no aquaintance of mine. And to be honest, if I were hit by a truck tomorrow and put him as my next of kin, he would look for answers at the bottom of the bottle as he always does. Am I being to harsh? BTW is it still ok that I seek support from you all even though i've cut him out of my life because I know more than anyone that there is a grieving process and the worst is probably yet to come. But I will leave when I'm firm on my two feet. I promise.

Barbara52

Good for you! You sound like you are making strong steps to being the person you want to be.

No, I don't see you as being too harsh. You are taking care of yourself and letting him take care of him. Its his life, he has responsibility for it.

Of course you can still post in here! Heck I left my AH almost 3 months ago and I'm in here most everyday, reading and posting. I am feeling every so much better about life and am moving toward a healthier better me. But its a journey that's going to take a while. I need and relay on the support and life stories I find in here. And I hope that sometimes, in some way my words can help others. I know that your words lighten my day because I see another person moving toward a good and healthy life.

denny57

yay! Hope you get a great place to live soon.