How stupid am i................yet again!
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
In reality you can escape it.
Ngaire
Ngaire
Originally Posted by sam79 
Thanks for all your replies. I just dont know what i want to do right now,its just too hard to think about, all i know is i feel like hes laughing at me everytime he goes out and repeatedly gets drunk when he tells me he won't. Like he some how finds it so funny that im hurt by what hes doing. He has actually laughed in my face when ive asked him about it.(when plastered)
All i want is support, i feel alone in my own little hell and i dont know how to escape it or if i can.
I know its quite impossible to love an alcoholic but i do. Its not like i can help it, somewere under there my b/f is hiding. He always says in his sober times that he doesnt choose to be this way but if thats true why carry on.
He has a 1st appointment on 23rd October with his Alcohol Support Worker. Unfortunately i'll be thousends of miles away in LA on my hols so i wont be around. Just hoping he actually goes and it will make a difference having regular contact with someone. Anyone had any experience with this kind of thing. iI dont relly know what they do.
All i want is support, i feel alone in my own little hell and i dont know how to escape it or if i can.
I know its quite impossible to love an alcoholic but i do. Its not like i can help it, somewere under there my b/f is hiding. He always says in his sober times that he doesnt choose to be this way but if thats true why carry on.
He has a 1st appointment on 23rd October with his Alcohol Support Worker. Unfortunately i'll be thousends of miles away in LA on my hols so i wont be around. Just hoping he actually goes and it will make a difference having regular contact with someone. Anyone had any experience with this kind of thing. iI dont relly know what they do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Merseyside,UK
Posts: 109
I know what i should do, its just actually being able to do it.
Hes been such a big part of my life that its hard to distance myself from him, hes been there when all my so called friends werent. He has been the only friend ive had over the last 7yrs. So i guess being independent from him is gonna be hard for me.
The only thing that keeps me alive right now is my job. I work in a busy operating theatres in my local hospital,its very stressful and hard work but its my life,i love it, it is what i love doing. It gives me a reason to get up in the morning and without it id be nothing,so i am thankful thats one thing good i have.
I just have trouble being positive at times because so much has happened to me over the past few years i keep thinking someone has it in for me or something!
Thanks for not judging me and telling me how it is. I know alot of the things you say i dont want to hear but i guess it needs to be said. I really do appretiate it.xxx
Hes been such a big part of my life that its hard to distance myself from him, hes been there when all my so called friends werent. He has been the only friend ive had over the last 7yrs. So i guess being independent from him is gonna be hard for me.
The only thing that keeps me alive right now is my job. I work in a busy operating theatres in my local hospital,its very stressful and hard work but its my life,i love it, it is what i love doing. It gives me a reason to get up in the morning and without it id be nothing,so i am thankful thats one thing good i have.
I just have trouble being positive at times because so much has happened to me over the past few years i keep thinking someone has it in for me or something!
Thanks for not judging me and telling me how it is. I know alot of the things you say i dont want to hear but i guess it needs to be said. I really do appretiate it.xxx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 9
you are not stupid.
you just want to believe him bcs you love him
we , co- dependents believe their promises everytime, because we have a hope inside. and believe me they were also believe in theirselves when they were promising
but those cravings , I wish there is an operation somewhere where they operate addicts adn they woke up without this cravings. then my marriage and your relationship would be perfect
you really cant do anything except crying.we really having hard times in accepting how can a loving man does this to its suppose.
I suggest that you take care of yourself, ı know it is hard
see me, I broke up 2 months ago but I am visiting this site everyday so I can share my pain and talk to others.
but my husband is still on drugs and drunk everyday, keep calling me with this weird voice tone after using H
pls stand up for yourself. and I want to ask recovering addicts, how do you recover the ones heart that you already broke
you just want to believe him bcs you love him
we , co- dependents believe their promises everytime, because we have a hope inside. and believe me they were also believe in theirselves when they were promising
but those cravings , I wish there is an operation somewhere where they operate addicts adn they woke up without this cravings. then my marriage and your relationship would be perfect
you really cant do anything except crying.we really having hard times in accepting how can a loving man does this to its suppose.
I suggest that you take care of yourself, ı know it is hard
see me, I broke up 2 months ago but I am visiting this site everyday so I can share my pain and talk to others.
but my husband is still on drugs and drunk everyday, keep calling me with this weird voice tone after using H
pls stand up for yourself. and I want to ask recovering addicts, how do you recover the ones heart that you already broke
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Maryland
Posts: 223
Originally Posted by Earthworm
In reality you can escape it.
Ngaire
Ngaire
Heck, I'm still with my AH. Sure he's in recovery, but will it stick? Am I completely insane? It's quite possible, but I have to figure that out on my own and it's just nice to have the support I've had in here. It's really helped me get my head together and not feel so bad about myself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Merseyside,UK
Posts: 109
Well what ive just heard out of my so called B/F has possibly just made my decision for me. Apparently hes gay! ha! Not that i find being gay funny but why tell me stuff like that when hes drunk???? Attention seeking???? or did he really mean it???? Ive known for a couple of years he is bi-sexual but gay 
If its really true then i guess its over between us and it makes it easier for him and 100 times harder for me to deal with. I just cant help thinking hes using it as an excuse to get out of a situation he doesnt want to be in,althogh his mum has just arrived and hes told her too.
GGGRRRRRRRR! My life is always so complicated and i hate it
If its really true then i guess its over between us and it makes it easier for him and 100 times harder for me to deal with. I just cant help thinking hes using it as an excuse to get out of a situation he doesnt want to be in,althogh his mum has just arrived and hes told her too.
GGGRRRRRRRR! My life is always so complicated and i hate it
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Wow.
That's a lot for you to take all at once.
And a lot for him to have to admit all at once.
Lots of stress there....wishing you luck with this situation, Sam. Learning this may actually be a blessing in disguise (I know, the last thing you want to hear...) At least you don't have to agonise over the decision to move out or not. It sounds like you must, if you're to keep your sanity.
Good time to take holidays, clear your head, and focus on what you want for yourself out of this life. I'm thinking that, as much as you love him, a violently alcoholic gay boyfriend probably wasn't what you were hoping for for yourself. I hope he has been using protection in his physical encounters with men. You may wish to get HIV tested. Sigh. Sorry this is so ugly.
Good luck, Sam,
GL
That's a lot for you to take all at once.
And a lot for him to have to admit all at once.
Lots of stress there....wishing you luck with this situation, Sam. Learning this may actually be a blessing in disguise (I know, the last thing you want to hear...) At least you don't have to agonise over the decision to move out or not. It sounds like you must, if you're to keep your sanity.
Good time to take holidays, clear your head, and focus on what you want for yourself out of this life. I'm thinking that, as much as you love him, a violently alcoholic gay boyfriend probably wasn't what you were hoping for for yourself. I hope he has been using protection in his physical encounters with men. You may wish to get HIV tested. Sigh. Sorry this is so ugly.
Good luck, Sam,
GL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by sam79
Well what ive just heard out of my so called B/F has possibly just made my decision for me. Apparently hes gay! ha!
I guess its just one of those things that you have to use in whatever way helps you most.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I doubt he is gay. However, he is a drunk and drunks tell all sorts of bizarre lies when actively using.
It's up to you. You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out, trying to figure out why you stay and take his crap, trying to figure out and reason out everything down to the smallest detail. By the way, your bf will continue to be zoned out in the Land of the Drunk and not give a hoot that you're freaking out and stressed to the max. Sure you're upset about your situation. We have all been there. The A has his booze and is happily content to wander in and out of people's lives. Meanwhile everybody involved with the A either gives up and no longer wants to be involved (like his parents) or keeps allowing the A to drive them nuts.
It appears that the ball is solely in your court.
It's up to you. You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out, trying to figure out why you stay and take his crap, trying to figure out and reason out everything down to the smallest detail. By the way, your bf will continue to be zoned out in the Land of the Drunk and not give a hoot that you're freaking out and stressed to the max. Sure you're upset about your situation. We have all been there. The A has his booze and is happily content to wander in and out of people's lives. Meanwhile everybody involved with the A either gives up and no longer wants to be involved (like his parents) or keeps allowing the A to drive them nuts.
It appears that the ball is solely in your court.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 178
I would still suggest going to Alanon meetings. Gay or not, the fact remains you've been living with an abusive alcoholic and it won't hurt to get out of isolation, make some new friends that will welcome you and understand what you've been going through. Now is the time to take care of yourself and focus on you, along with exploring some of your own problems, perhaps codependency issues. It could make a big difference in your life today and for your future.
It sounds like a break up is obvious in light of his recent awareness about his sexuality and I'm sure your hurting. I'm so sorry. It's going to take time to heal. But you will heal, to love again someday with someone who will love you back.
It sounds like a break up is obvious in light of his recent awareness about his sexuality and I'm sure your hurting. I'm so sorry. It's going to take time to heal. But you will heal, to love again someday with someone who will love you back.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Merseyside,UK
Posts: 109
Im leaving in a little while. I have to,just come home from work to a trashed house and him gone. Its such a mess.
I cant put up with this and its never gonna get better.
Unfortunately my mum doesnt have a computer so i may not be back here for a while. I will answer any replies as and when i can.
Thanks for all your help, you really have made me think about myself and given me so mush support.
sam.xxxxxxx
I cant put up with this and its never gonna get better.
Unfortunately my mum doesnt have a computer so i may not be back here for a while. I will answer any replies as and when i can.
Thanks for all your help, you really have made me think about myself and given me so mush support.
sam.xxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
(((((sam))))) you poor thing, it's hard to say if an alcoholic is lying or telling the truth. What do you think?? Gay or not does it make a difference to your problem? he is still an alcoholic.
Give him and youself some space apart and see what happens, Sam my heart bleeds for you sweetie but I cant see that you have any other option. Get to alanon and start looking after you, you are the most important person here, and we are all here for you.
Mair xx
Give him and youself some space apart and see what happens, Sam my heart bleeds for you sweetie but I cant see that you have any other option. Get to alanon and start looking after you, you are the most important person here, and we are all here for you.
Mair xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Okanagan BC
Posts: 328
it sounds like you have alot going on right now. Just take a breath. Do not think twice about his parents. Try to think of you! If he is gay, then that should end the relationship I would think. If he is not, you need to decide if thid is the life you want. 7 years is a long time...but you have many more years ahead of you. I wish you strength to do what you want to be happy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
Sweetie......nothing changes if nothing changes.......its up to you now. Why would his family take responsibility for him when you are there doing it for them? He is after all all grown up....and he's only doing what addicts do. Save yourself. You didnt cause it. You cant control it. And.... YOU can't cure it. But you can cure YOURSELF. Love him from afar like alot of us codies do. It works. Take care.
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