sue44sj

well, its4 in the morning and i cant sleep. my mind wont stop. my AH just will not do anything to help himself. he is now homeless, he has the money to get an apartment but isnt doing it. i dont understand why a person would do this. I am now thinking getting a divorce is my only option. im afraid his actions are going to somehow come back to haunt me. while we were together i took care of everything (he worked) i paid the bills, made any and all decisions that had to be made. its like he is totally helpless! i have gone to a few meetings sporadicly in the past, and i know i need to get back. there are not too many beginners meeetings in my area at a time when i can go. and i have gone to a few regular meetings and didnt feel it helped much. im going to try again tonight.
i called my insurance and asked about counsellors that specialize in co-dependancy and thaey have none. do you that an addiction councelor would be just as good?

ICU

Hi Sue. In the event I haven't welcomed you before, welcome to SR!

I'm assuming you are looking for help for yourself. Based on that assumption, I don't know if an 'addiction counselor' would be what you need or not.

I know that Alanon beginners meetings in my area were, ummm...not wonderful, and very few and far between. The regular Alanon meetings were a little too advanced for me. I determined I needed a different kind of support anyway, so it all worked out for the best.

Since you seemed to have identified codependency as one of your issues, have you read any Melody Beattie books on the subject? Codependent No More, Beyond Codependency, and Language of Letting Go are all fantastic books and have helped me tremendously.

I would suggest that from the list of counselors that your insurance does cover, give them a preliminary phone call, or, look in the yellow pages. I actually ended up going to my 'ex's' court ordered anger management counselor as she also was well versed in codependency. Shop around a little.

And, keep coming back.

sue44sj

thank you for the welcome. i wrote down the books from the book recomendations post and am going to the library tomarrow. thank you. just reading here helps so much, just to know my AH is not unique in his actions and treatment of his family.
i know i cant do anything more to help him(believe me ive done it all) so i have to let go now. its very hard

ICU

What helped me with what you said here was to go to some open AA meetings. Open meaning 'anyone' whether alcoholic or not, can go. Closed meetings are just for alcoholics.

In the open AA meetings, especially 'speaker' meetings, I learned so much. It was 'there' that I truly began to understand that the actions and behaviors of my, now ex, was NOT my fault. I wasn't to blame. It was characteristic of the nature of the beast (beast in this case refers to alcholism). It was an eye opener and the beginning of my journey into what 'was' and 'wasn't' my respsonbility.

You might want to consider giving that a try.

Mr. Christian

Good that you are going to a meeting.
Check out some book there when you go.
Daily readers are always good. There were many sleepless nights I read for hours.

Oh and yes, it’s very wise to protect yourself legally.