suzieq1972

My AH has been staying somewhere else because I won't let him come home as long as he is still drinking and taking pills. Now he's decided that he wants to come home but nothing has changed. He's still drinking and taking pills. He seems to think that if he's at home with us he'll automatically be able to quit. It didn't work before, why would it work now?

It's hard when he calls and says how much he misses and loves us. We talk on the phone and even see him at his dad's house (thats not where he's staying). He says he doesn't care about himself enough to get help for himself but he's tired of drinking and taking pills. That contradicts itself doesn't it?

It's so sad that I can't help him. All I can do is listen and try to offer support. Sometimes he plays on my emotions, sometimes I know he's being sincere. I can't believe that he doesn't love himself enough to get help. It tears me up that anyone could hate themselves that much.

I worry about what he would do to himself if I decided to leave him. He would think that I was betraying him and taking his son away from him. But that's not what it would be. It would be about saving me and my son.

parentrecovers

sounds like you're making good choices for yourself and your son. when he wants to get well, he will and can. blessings, k

suzieq1972

Thank you "parent". Sometimes I feel so guilty. Like I've done something wrong. It just tears me up some days. I appreciate the support.

WantsOut

The guilt almost killed me too. But here's the thing - pills and booze mean more to him than you and your child do. When I would feel sad I would think, "If he really wanted to be with me he wouldn't be a manipulative child, he'd step up, be a man, and get serious about sobriety.

In the end nothing I did or didn't do changed a thing. He got caught at DWI #3 and it's be sober or go to jail. The law sobered him up, not me.

Now imagine that - the guy who drank uncontrollably for decades controlled himself when his freedom was on the line.

Stay strong.

steve11694

Yeah that and the thought of prison romance(s)

chero

The definition of guilt is to have committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, esp. against moral or penal law.

When I weigh my feelings of guilt over leaving my AH against the actual definition of guilt...it doesn't fit. I haven't done anything wrong and Suzie, it doesn't appear that you have done anything wrong.

The guilt isn't yours...it's his. Don't take it on yourself...leave it with him.

Remember...if nothing changes, nothing changes.

You are doing great!

DII

I'm with you. My AW and I just had a counseling session and I told her I didn't want to be together any more. The guilt....very codie. I have learned enough that I don't trust her and know that if I take her back I will always feel like I'm not being honest to myself. Believe it or not, she is doing better than ever since I had her move out and focus on HER. In the long run this is probably best for both of us.