hbb

.....he would most likely drink again. I ran into my roommate's mom this morning who informed me that my exabf is drinking again after 8 months sober. I asked her how she knew and she said that her husband (who is his boss) can completely tell. Says he's coming in late, 1/2 dressed and looking like crud. I remember those mornings all too well when we were together. I was the one that got him there on time. I guess my ex's big boss is also noticing and is not too happy. Not to mention that he has it good there with those guys. It's not my problem that i do know......

The thing i don't want to really worry about is the loan he has with me, i know that i shouldn't worry until something happens but just a little bummed out this morning and could use some support. Getting in touch with him right now is not a good idea in my opinion as nothing has defaulted YET. Gosh i wish i was smarter but live and learn right?

Anyways, thanks for listening, just needed to get it out this morning. As much as he burned me and i feel mad for what happened, i am sad that he couldn't continue in sobriety. Guess my friend was right, he never hit HIS rock bottom makes me sad because he was sooooo eager about following through.....

Thanks all!

GlassPrisoner

That sux he went back out. His story isn't done yet I guess. Was he working a program ? Or just white knuckling it ?

Careful, don't project. Stay in today. Say a prayer, take action, and see what happens. No one knows how this will pan out except for God.

Anguished

I'm sorry hbb to hear that he's drinking again.

Maybe this will be the final straw. If you were getting him to work in one piece in the past then no, he never hit his rock bottom. He's the only one that can choose sobriety. My fingers are crossed that he'll love himself enough to make that decision to seek sobriety again.

Hugs & Love,
Anguished

hbb

Thanks!

GP - I'm not sure if you remember my PM to you, he was at NASCAR with his ex, drinking O'douls, hanging at bars still BUT going to AA, speaking, had a sponsor and all that but definatly a dry drunk IMHO. Thanks for reminding me to stay in today, i don't want to jump the gun on the money, as he hasn't done anything wrong and may just aggravate him to say "whatever".

Anguished - Thank you, i do hope he only relapes a short time, he has too much to lose, i know i've been pissed about him lately, but i do think he has a descent heart and an illness and hope he does reach out sooner than later. But i did my best with what i could do for him.

It's not a definate, but sounds so much like the old J that i met, unfortunately. It really is too bad he's drinking again, if that's the case. He's got major family issues that he never resolved so i kinda thought without me around it woud be a matter of time. Guess he wanted to drink more than he wanted that white picket fence.

pineapple2007

(((((((((((hbb)))))))))

My buddy. you poor thing. sorry to hear hes drinking again.... probably one of your biggest fears has played out in reality. This has got to be hard for u right now. But you sound strong. and you sound like you have been doing your homework. Good for you. try not to worrythink about him so much. I (and I am sure u did too) realized that our ABF/XABF will do WHAT he wants WHEN he wants and with WHO EVER he wants.


ya u are right, you live and you learn. especally with your HARD EARNED MONEY. Never ever give that stuff out like its tap water. I, just like you, have learned the hard way. but the hard way keeps you in check for the rest of your life! learn from this experience to the fullest hbb! You are so much better off without him.

Stay strong today my friend

parentrecovers

figures...stay away from him, hbb. you deserve a better life. blessings, k

Sydney Bristow

Feel whatever you feel...but deep down, aren't you GLAD that you're not living directly in the path of the insanity?

I know I am!

hbb

Thank you girls!

Yes, Sydney i am so glad, J knew where i stood from day one. When at Christmas he got out of hand and i couldn't take anymore, i simply told him that i wasn't the girl for him if he wanted to continue down that drinking road. He said he had a problem and needed my help and wanted to quit. You know, i do think it's sad. I guess because i'm not the one with the problem, we had so much potential together, i come from a great family and have tons of friends and brought him into that fun world. Guess it wasn't his type of fun......never imagined it would happen so soon. It's really too bad, i know the J that is loving, caring, sensitive but just won't put down the Bud and Jack. Like i said, hopefully this relapse will be short lived and he will immediately contact his sponsor (who is a great guy and knows me from meetings and very encouraging).

Mair

(((hbb))) I hope your ok and your in my thoughts. Its a sad thing to happen to him, and i hope that it's a short lived binge and that he finds the strength so want sobriety again soon. Enough bout him.... you on the other hand are getting stronger by the day, hold your head up high little lady cos you did all you could, you did nothing wrong show him what a fantastic life you have chosen, and sit down and think real hard how you would be feeling today if he was still in your life.

My xab is still drinking like a mad man, and im glad im not there, his money will run out soon and my sober normal lovely man will be back for a short while and still he will find that im not there. Nothing ever changes. He will never change. I pray he finds his "bottom" soon, his health is getting really bad and i cant see him surviving another few years. Me, i want to live and have grandchildren, see the world and laugh a lot, he wont be joining me in this life.

Be strong Heather

Mairxx

hbb

Thank you Mair ((())) your so sweet and i am coming to Whales lol!!!

Anyways, for some reason this news does make me sad for him but it also is kind of easier to let go because i know i DID do all i could and the bottle is that much stronger than me. This is all of course if he IS drinking again, my resources are usually right but not 100% sure. Just from the little i did hear, its like a flashback to those ugly mornings pushing him out of bed hungover ick!!

Believe me when i say, i'd much rather be alone than deal with this drama anymore. He had the perfect opportunity to turn it around but i guess i'll be the one turning things around. I've been weekly going to my counselor and the end of the month i'm going to the dr. about a possible anti-depressent for me and my low self esteem (which i had before this anyway). If nothing else, he showed and helped me get MYSELF better for me it's been a longgggggggggg time coming, enough of hiding behind and taking care of someone else...my turn lol!!!

So now what, expect the drunk dialing!!!!! Good grief!!!!

MsGolightly

my ex relapsed after one year and it broke my heart. she's been drinking since january or so, with some periods of sobriety every so often, but it's so sad to hope and pray that this time will be THE time and it never is.

try to have no expectations and count your blessings you're not with him anymore. this is a downward spiral only he can get himself out of... and i truly hope he does one day.

you sound great, hbb! i'm proud!

MTBChick

(((((Hugs)))))) to you Heather!!

Mair

So now what, expect the drunk dialing!!!!! Good grief

Mmm I wouldnt be suprised Heather, prepare youself as well as you can for this to happen. Mine is going for it great guns at the moment, my next step is to put the phone off and get a new number, and i will do that when im ready.

Funny thing is when he rings it doesnt hurt it just makes me even more sure that i did the right thing. the only time it gets to me is when he is sober and that isnt very often.

We are all here for you

Mair xx

hbb

Oh i hear you Mair, the talking sober is the hardest. I think that was the hardest thing for me to comprehend when we broke up because he was sober. Looking back it was probably because he wasn't done drinking and knew i was in the way of that. Oh well, i'll either be single for a while or become a NUN..haven't decided quite yet lol!!!! Hey at least my sense of humor is coming back lol!! No, but seriously, i bet it does get easier when he does call drunk to pick up the phone and roll your eyes. God knows i did that alot, he let me down ALL the time in the beginning, always late, no where to be found alot too......someone else can have that little gem of a guy!!!!

Mair

Oh yes indeed Sister Heather!!!!

Sister Mair xx

pineapple2007

I was going to say this!!! :|

hbb

Haha!!! I say, bring it on!! But you know i go back and forth with if he is or isn't drinking because it's not confirmed but all the signs have lead up to this moment. He never grasped to sobriety like others have. And like i said, if he is, hopefully he gets in and out quickly. But no, i hope he doesn't contact me because i think that's what's holding me together at the moment, out of sight, out of mind or shall i say TRY to be out of mind, ya know?!!!

hbb

Ok, so this is the latest report i got from my roommate's step father "tell Heather that the BUM is back"!!!! Not saying definately that J is drinking just that he's back to his old ways already. Like my roommate said, actions speak louder than words. My guess is that if you were in recovery (maybe Best, Astro or GP could help with this) you wouldn't be coming to work WORSE than you were when you were sober right? Just my hunch, not pointing a finger but i would believe that even if he was depressed that he would still be functioning and coming into work ok if everything was hunky dorey i know it's not a concern but almost aleviates some stress in my life, not that i want him to be drinking but i'm not "missing out" on a prize!!!!

Mr. Christian

At this point, why should it matter?

Removing yourself from the sitch is only a small part.
If it were I I would tell others to stop with the updates and gossip.

Your peace should be the most important matter and this does not add to it.

hbb

Your right Mr. C. but in a weird way this does kinda give me peace that i know in my heart i did my best. I certainly don't wish him ill, gosh i hope he gets recovery if he is drinking but it's a little easier to let go knowing he's going to do what he does regardless of the consequences and i don't have to be dragged down anymore in the process.