Help with my mom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 1
Help with my mom
Hello.
EDIT: I am sorry for writing such a detailed description of my problem, but I felt like taking some pain out on this big white text box
]
I am just going to spill my situation out and hope that somewhere out there someone can help me out.
I am 21 years old, a night student and working full time.
I work at a great job that my mom got me. She has an executive position in this company, and makes a good living. Unfortunately, my mom has type 1 diabetes, and is also an alcoholic. This, of course, is not a good situation.
My mom has been drinking since when I can remember. My high school memories are very horrible because all they are filled with is my mom being drunk, and raising hell. At first it was just an unspoken thing; she would just be drunk, start meaningless fights/arguments, and then the next day it was like it never happened. This would go on night after night. Finally, towards my senior year of high school, we as a family started acknowledging that she has a drinking problem. For some reason, this made me, my brother and father extremely uncomfortable. We all hate talking about it; it’s just something we wish didn't exist. At first, I think we were all in extreme denial.
About 4 years later, my brother and I have moved out, but live close (both within 5 miles of parents). My mom recently was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, and had to have insulin pump permanently attached to her waist, to spare her from having to shoot insulin every day. This made her very depressed, and made her drinking really spiral out of control. Rather than drinking a bottle of wine, I started to find bottles of hard alcohol, like vodka and rum. Eventually my mom had a alcohol/diabetic related accident, in which she was drunk, and blood sugar was low, and she fell down the stairs, breaking her hip. After the ambulance took her away, we looked around and found a ¾ drunken bottle of rum. At this point, we started to tell the doctors that she has a drinking problem...
While she was in the hospital my mother and I spoke of her drinking for the first time. It was the most awkward situation I have ever been in (I don't know why I get like this). She told me she needs to "cut back" drinking. It is clear at this point that she doesn't believe she has a problem. Within a week she is released, and started seeing a psychiatrist and going to AA meetings. These are things that my mom would never talk to me about, and I would always have to find out from my brother or father.
Skip forward to today. The meetings seem to have worked a little, but to be honest I do not even know what meetings she goes to, or if any at all. These are just things my mother does not talk about with me.
Today, is my birthday. My brother called me letting me know that he spoke to my mother today informing her that if she is drunk, smells of alcohol, etc , etc,.. That my brother will storm out of my birthday dinner. My mom got very hurt by this, and told him to not even come.
My brother then calls me to tell me he will not be at my birthday dinner because of my mother.....
Because of her drinking..........
I don't know what do. I feel like my mother’s drinking is tearing my family apart. Not only that, but it is putting her health at risk. Often I will check her blood glucose meter, and see that throughout the day, she is extremely high or extremely low, (blood glucose) and this is very bad for the body. I believe it is mostly alcohol related.
My father loves her more than anything, but also does not know what to do. In my opinion, we are all enabling her by not doing anything. It's getting so bad, that I have noticed my mother drinking at work. She often makes up lies at lunchtime about going places, and I notice her somewhat drunk when she returns.
This is ridiculous.
In my opinion, I feel as though the only way for her to get better is by attending a detox/rehab program for at least 30 days... Something like that… But if she was to do this, she could lose her job. This is why I feel like I am just running in circles.
I don't know how to help my mom.
My family loves her very much, but she constantly lies and drinks behind all of our backs. I am very fearful that someday she is just going to be drunk one day and let her blood sugar go to low and die. I have nightmares about this.
I am begging for some advice on what to do. I would love to get her into a program but losing her job is an impossible option. I need to help my mother. I love her so damn much and just want to see her happy and sober. This is also my weakness because I am also so afraid of hurting her.
What can I do………………….
EDIT: I am sorry for writing such a detailed description of my problem, but I felt like taking some pain out on this big white text box
]I am just going to spill my situation out and hope that somewhere out there someone can help me out.
I am 21 years old, a night student and working full time.
I work at a great job that my mom got me. She has an executive position in this company, and makes a good living. Unfortunately, my mom has type 1 diabetes, and is also an alcoholic. This, of course, is not a good situation.
My mom has been drinking since when I can remember. My high school memories are very horrible because all they are filled with is my mom being drunk, and raising hell. At first it was just an unspoken thing; she would just be drunk, start meaningless fights/arguments, and then the next day it was like it never happened. This would go on night after night. Finally, towards my senior year of high school, we as a family started acknowledging that she has a drinking problem. For some reason, this made me, my brother and father extremely uncomfortable. We all hate talking about it; it’s just something we wish didn't exist. At first, I think we were all in extreme denial.
About 4 years later, my brother and I have moved out, but live close (both within 5 miles of parents). My mom recently was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, and had to have insulin pump permanently attached to her waist, to spare her from having to shoot insulin every day. This made her very depressed, and made her drinking really spiral out of control. Rather than drinking a bottle of wine, I started to find bottles of hard alcohol, like vodka and rum. Eventually my mom had a alcohol/diabetic related accident, in which she was drunk, and blood sugar was low, and she fell down the stairs, breaking her hip. After the ambulance took her away, we looked around and found a ¾ drunken bottle of rum. At this point, we started to tell the doctors that she has a drinking problem...
While she was in the hospital my mother and I spoke of her drinking for the first time. It was the most awkward situation I have ever been in (I don't know why I get like this). She told me she needs to "cut back" drinking. It is clear at this point that she doesn't believe she has a problem. Within a week she is released, and started seeing a psychiatrist and going to AA meetings. These are things that my mom would never talk to me about, and I would always have to find out from my brother or father.
Skip forward to today. The meetings seem to have worked a little, but to be honest I do not even know what meetings she goes to, or if any at all. These are just things my mother does not talk about with me.
Today, is my birthday. My brother called me letting me know that he spoke to my mother today informing her that if she is drunk, smells of alcohol, etc , etc,.. That my brother will storm out of my birthday dinner. My mom got very hurt by this, and told him to not even come.
My brother then calls me to tell me he will not be at my birthday dinner because of my mother.....
Because of her drinking..........
I don't know what do. I feel like my mother’s drinking is tearing my family apart. Not only that, but it is putting her health at risk. Often I will check her blood glucose meter, and see that throughout the day, she is extremely high or extremely low, (blood glucose) and this is very bad for the body. I believe it is mostly alcohol related.
My father loves her more than anything, but also does not know what to do. In my opinion, we are all enabling her by not doing anything. It's getting so bad, that I have noticed my mother drinking at work. She often makes up lies at lunchtime about going places, and I notice her somewhat drunk when she returns.
This is ridiculous.
In my opinion, I feel as though the only way for her to get better is by attending a detox/rehab program for at least 30 days... Something like that… But if she was to do this, she could lose her job. This is why I feel like I am just running in circles.
I don't know how to help my mom.
My family loves her very much, but she constantly lies and drinks behind all of our backs. I am very fearful that someday she is just going to be drunk one day and let her blood sugar go to low and die. I have nightmares about this.
I am begging for some advice on what to do. I would love to get her into a program but losing her job is an impossible option. I need to help my mother. I love her so damn much and just want to see her happy and sober. This is also my weakness because I am also so afraid of hurting her.
What can I do………………….
My Cape Is at The Cleaners
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Metropolis
Posts: 1,117
Hello,
We have come here all looking for that flicker of hope in helping a loved one.
But that flicker you see soon becomes the true light showing us the way to help ourselves.
An alcoholic must make a move to recovery on their own.
Without the drive and ambition to do it, they will never move.
It’s affect on you and the family however can’t be addressed.
Alanon is the 1st move for you.
There you will find knowledge and the support you seek.
AA will help your Mother, but she needs to continue it on her own.
This is not something you can do for her.
We have come here all looking for that flicker of hope in helping a loved one.
But that flicker you see soon becomes the true light showing us the way to help ourselves.
An alcoholic must make a move to recovery on their own.
Without the drive and ambition to do it, they will never move.
It’s affect on you and the family however can’t be addressed.
Alanon is the 1st move for you.
There you will find knowledge and the support you seek.
AA will help your Mother, but she needs to continue it on her own.
This is not something you can do for her.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
welcome, unknown, glad you're here!
I would second the idea of attending some Al-Anon meetings for you. Learn all you can about alcoholism. Keep posting here - you are not alone and there is strength in numbers.
You are young - don't forget to have fun!
Happy Birthday!!!
I would second the idea of attending some Al-Anon meetings for you. Learn all you can about alcoholism. Keep posting here - you are not alone and there is strength in numbers.
You are young - don't forget to have fun!
Happy Birthday!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Danville,Va
Posts: 304
Welcome to SR, unknown. Here you can learn how to help you. Al-Anon and posting here at SR will give you tools that you can work with. We're all looking for answers on how to cope with the a's in our lives.
_______________
Trish
_______________
Trish
Guess what, I'm not crazy.
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Oregon
Posts: 286
My husband has diabetes and is an alcoholic. He knows what the drinking will do to him but does not care. whey??? Because he is an alcoholic. He wont even check his blood surger and after loosing a bunch of weight he stopped taking his meds. This has been months ago. He is slowly killing him self. He even told me last night that he is sure he wont be around in ten years.
We are talking about moveing to a smaller home because he can't seem to help me with the big old home we have now. (because of the drinking) I am 45 years old and you would think my husband was 70. He is 56 and 56 is not that old!
I guess what I am saying is I had to come to accept that there is nothing I can do to get him to stop, slow down or anything else. At this point I am thinking...... We need more life insurance. Sounds cold doesn't it. But if he plans to die on me then damn it, I should at lease be able to keep my home.
You are so in the right place here. and do check out alanon.
D
We are talking about moveing to a smaller home because he can't seem to help me with the big old home we have now. (because of the drinking) I am 45 years old and you would think my husband was 70. He is 56 and 56 is not that old!
I guess what I am saying is I had to come to accept that there is nothing I can do to get him to stop, slow down or anything else. At this point I am thinking...... We need more life insurance. Sounds cold doesn't it. But if he plans to die on me then damn it, I should at lease be able to keep my home.
You are so in the right place here. and do check out alanon.
D
It is what it is
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: NJ
Posts: 280
What I wanted to ask is why does your mother get to attend your birthday if she's drunk, but your brother doesn't? I know he imposed that rule but he's being punished and doesn't get to enjoy dinner because of your mom's drinking? Shouldn't a prerequisit for your mom to attend your birthday dinner be that she's not allowed to drink if she comes? I don't know if your family will agree to that but you are allowed to set boundaries and sometimes that pushes A's to realize they have a problem. I think it sounds like you and your family are enabling her too. You mentioned that if she went to rehab she would lose her job. Won't her job understand that she has a problem and let her go for rehab? I don't think you can force her into it but you are right, she will probably lose her job at some point anyway if she keeps drinking on the job. But you know what? You can't control that. You can't control any of it and I know that must be scary for you. It's scary for me too, to relinquish control. Read some books. Try Codependency No More. Also attend Al-Anon. It can only help. And maybe your dad and brother can attend too. The more people that know how to stop enabling her, the more likely you will help her get better. Enabling only helps the A stay sick. Alcoholics tend to rip families apart. It's kind of what they do unless everyone is in treatment around the alcoholic.
Try to enjoy your birthday. Peace be with you.
Jenny
Try to enjoy your birthday. Peace be with you.
Jenny
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
Welcome to SR. Everyone here gave you great advice. The key is to work on you, ideally, you, your father and your brothers should learn all you can about alcoholism, co-dependency and enabling. For all of your sakes, you really should attend AlAnon and learn how to detach with love. The more you try to take control and enable, the worse it will be FOR YOU!!!! My RAH has alcoholic liver disease, was told he would be dead in 5 years if he didn't stop drinking, you know what he heard, he heard he has "fatty liver" and can drink twice a week (the alcoholic brain interpretation, and like he could have really only kept it to twice a week). He also drank at work, drank while driving, almost lost his job, almost had numerous accidents. I was crying, begging, pleading, for him to understand all the consequences of his actions. Did he listen? No. Until his liver was going into failure, alcoholic encephalopathy, and the alcohol wasn't metabolizing properly, and his blood alcohol level was .4 (usually lethal or comatose) and my son called an ambulence where he was taken to the hospital and kept there almost 2 days. He called me, begged, pleaded, threatened that I come get him. Did I? No. I just dropped off his shoes so he could walk home. He went to rehab that weekend. One of the sayings in AlAnon is the quicker the sicker the sooner the better. And as someone else here once told me when I was afraid if he went to rehab he'd lose his job, he's going to lose it anymore, and maybe even more. I know it's hard cause you love your mom, but you'd be helping her more if you didn't enable her. I feel for you.
Terri
Terri
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