iambreathing

My mom is 49 and is in end stages liver disease (cirrhosis) and has taken up drinking after 2 months of forced hospital sobriety. Even if she stopped drinking her permanent brain damage may be bad enough that she would not be able to put her life back together if she tried. I have tried but her life is a mess and she is starting to sabotage what I have done to help her. She has lost everything except a monthly pension that she can barely survive on. She has been given 30 days notice at the place she is living. (after the hospital I put her into an assisted living facility but her savings has run out and the rent is double her income).

She is mean, nasty, manipulitave, angry, unreasonable, ... and in total denial. She feels that I am the cause of her destroyed life. I know that I am not but i feel like I must continue to help her because she is brain damaged. I am tired of this and it is really hurting my life, job, relationship.

I have talked to many state agencies and organizations that can't help because she is so young. I'm told that getting a state appointed conservator is very difficult. She probably doesn't have more than a couple of years left and maybe much less than that.

How do I draw boundries with someone that is drinking yet isn't able to care for themselves?
Are things different because she is brain damaged and dying??

I would love to hear from anyone else that has dealt with someone who is in end stage liver disease.

Pick-a-name

(((iambreathing))) I'm sorry that I don't have any helpful advice to share,except to stick around and post. I am sorry you and your mother are both in this difficult situation.

Glad you found us.

Zoey

Have you checked with the Salvation Army? I do not know if they could help, but wouldn't hurt to ask. I am sorry this has happened to you.
Have you tried to get disability, if can prove brain damage?

denny57

welcome iambreathing, glad you are here!

I seem to remember a couple posters here who have dealt with it, so I hope you'll hear from them, too.

Do you attend Al-Anon? Besides everything else it offers, many people there have been through it, too, and some may have suggestions for you. If not there, how about a support group for families of addicts/alcoholics at your local hospital?

Good luck and please keep posting. ((()))

Janitw

Welcome Iambreathing.....I have no answers for you either...but you are in a very hard predicament and I can only hope that there is someone here who can advise you. You have my prayers hunny....

dollydo

I am sorry, my Mom is the alcoholic in my life, she is 82 and has been drinking for over 60 years, not a pretty story.

Have you checked out state homes, where you could have her committed, due to her mental issues?

I would call your local senator's office and see what they can recommend.

Call every number you can find in the phone book.

Keep posting, it will help.

FormerDoormat

I haven't dealt with this type of situation either, but I wanted to chime in and say welcome and that you're not alone. Have you spoken to the patient advocate at the hospital that recently treated and released her? Perhaps he/she can offer some ideas on where to start looking for help and housing for your mother. I'm sure they deal with situations like this frequently.

Good luck, and keep coming back.

Rella927

Welcome ImBreathing! I have not personally dealt with this either, but I can tell you that there is alot of good advice on how to go about finding housing for your mom.

I know when my brother (age 50) was at the point of no return unless he grasped onto soberity lived in the Salvation Army-(He was bleeding from his liver but still continued to drink!) they were very good with him over there and he began his soberity, found a job and is alive today and sober!

Good luck with this and know that you are not alone there are plenty of people here at SR that will be along to share advice to you!

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, imbreathing. it is a horrible disease. prayers out to you and your mother. keep posting, k

lostnfound1961

Didn't go through this with my mom but watched her friends go through it. Try Volenteers of america. I have a friend who's son went to them for help and it seems they don't charge much or at all depending on your situation. They have in patent and out patent treatment. She said even though he went back to drinking, they helped a lot. Got him off the stuff and sober for over a year.
Good luck and I will pray for you and your mom.
D

ladyjane

imbreathing, I'll be praying for you
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Trish

sunshine321

Iambreathing - Love your user name as that is one of my favorite mantras when things become too overwhelming for me. "All I have to do is breathe, just breathe."

I hope you find some solutions to this hard situation. I don't know anyone with those problems so I can't help. I will say prayers that you find the answers to your questions. And I second Al-Anon.

Jenny

jen928

iambreathing....
i am one of the people on this board that went through this (almost) exact same thing with my mother. so strange that you posted because i haven't been on this board in over a year. i have lots of resources for you so please please please let me know if you want any information. my mom ended up voluntarily going through rehab and detox, but i do have information on what to do if they will not go voluntary. you would be surprised at how insitutions will help you.

jenny

ICU

iambreathing, meet Jen928. There are no coincidences...this was meant to happen...you both posting the same day. WOW!!

Sweetie, I am about your mother's age. It saddens me to hear about the state she is in.

Unfortunately, I don't have any experience to the degree of what you are going through, but there has been many good suggestions already mentioned above.

Keep coming back...it's good to share with people that care and understand as best they can. You are not alone...we are here!