Barbara52

You never have to see you ex again if you don't want to. Nor do your sons. They are old enough to make that decision for themselves.

It comes down to you deciding what is best for you and your boys and acting on that. Decide if you or they need to be in counseling. Attend AlAnon. They can go to AlaTeen. It sounds like you know what you need to do. Now you need to decide to act on those decisions.

It will become easier over time. Your boys will heal with your help. You will heal with time and work too.

Loopylou

Have just changed my cell number.
Both boys are in counseling and so am I.
My youngest son has improved so much since he left he is a different boy.

CBrown

Loopylou, strength!!!! We've all been there to different extents, and the only thing that works IS No Contact. Now I know there are some on here strong enough to handle a phone call, but you are like me. If my XABF called me, I would still be mush. You don't need that kind of stress or temptation!!!!!

(((((hugs, courage and strength to you )))))

Loopylou

Well I'm no better today than I was yesterday. I feel so betrayed it hurts to my soul. I'm divorced from him for God's sake. What is the matter with me. Why can't I feel anger - I pretend I'm angry but in reality I hurt so much I don't know what to do.
I mailed my counselor today and will be seeing him a couple of days early as I really have felt bad last few days and I'm scared of what I might do.
I hate being a codie - why can't I just feel glad to have got rid of him - I did the right thing - it cost me thousands in counselling to get there and still I feel like someone has sucked my soul out of me and danced on it.
I hate that I am this pathetic, I have my two sons who live with me who I love to death - why can't I see what I've got. Instead I concentrate on the fact that he is with another woman and not pining for me and our family.
ARRGGHHH I wish I could stop this feeling - it is pure agony!