Finally heard from AH
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Finally heard from AH
Got a series of emails from AH today, the first communication since I left on 7/14. Most of it was asking how to access this or that online so I answered. And told him to get a separate cell phone account for him and his daughters by the end of the week (this has been an issue for a long tiime since they regularly over use the cell phones and run up $600 bills for one month. I won't pay it anymore). Then started the whining about no money coming in, no job, blah, blah, blah. I just told him, its not my problem anymore, figure it out for yourself.
I did ask if he was in treatment or going to AA. No to both. He doesn't need it he says 'cause he hasn't had a drink since I left. I told him AA is indeed a necessary part of recovery but that it was his choice and his problem.
I am so glad I left. I really am able to detach and just not worry about it all anymore.
I did ask if he was in treatment or going to AA. No to both. He doesn't need it he says 'cause he hasn't had a drink since I left. I told him AA is indeed a necessary part of recovery but that it was his choice and his problem.
I am so glad I left. I really am able to detach and just not worry about it all anymore.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Pineapple, you too can get to this place, in your own time and way. It took me over a year really, mulling it over, reacting, over reacting, giving myself a good talking too now and then, praying a whole lot.
Thanks for the high five.
Thanks for the high five.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
Barbara, I didn't realize you are a stepmom too. Talk about compounding a problem. I have had a horrible, horrible, horrible time in this situation. AH used to complain about me to his kids. Made them his confidantes. Also he used to complain about me to his mother. So they thought I was the problem. They felt they needed to protect him from me. So they treated me with absolute disrespect, hostility, name-calling, etc.
Through counseling, AH realized the mess he had created. There is some extreme dysfunction in his family, so most of the members use the bible as a shield and a sword to assault others. They gave me total hell.
Now, my oldest stepdaughter and I are getting along well. She just graduated from college with her psychology degree. I get along well with the youngest one too. The middle one is about as anti-social as they get, she isn't close to anybody.
I think OSD is starting to see that she was manipulated as well. Funny thing is, she used to want me dead. Now she told AH she doesn't want me to ever leave him because he'll drink himself to death.
Steprelationships are hard enough without a spouse being an alcoholic. Not only did he not parent his own children, he created war in his own family. Nice way to deflect attention away from himself. I have an image of him standing in the middle of us with one finger pointing towards them and one pointing towards me.
I'm glad you are finding peace. Every time I read about your progress, I start to believe that's going to be the thing that brings me peace. I just don't believe my AH is going to stop drinking. And I've taken enough, from him and his family. Tired of coming in last.
Through counseling, AH realized the mess he had created. There is some extreme dysfunction in his family, so most of the members use the bible as a shield and a sword to assault others. They gave me total hell.
Now, my oldest stepdaughter and I are getting along well. She just graduated from college with her psychology degree. I get along well with the youngest one too. The middle one is about as anti-social as they get, she isn't close to anybody.
I think OSD is starting to see that she was manipulated as well. Funny thing is, she used to want me dead. Now she told AH she doesn't want me to ever leave him because he'll drink himself to death.
Steprelationships are hard enough without a spouse being an alcoholic. Not only did he not parent his own children, he created war in his own family. Nice way to deflect attention away from himself. I have an image of him standing in the middle of us with one finger pointing towards them and one pointing towards me.
I'm glad you are finding peace. Every time I read about your progress, I start to believe that's going to be the thing that brings me peace. I just don't believe my AH is going to stop drinking. And I've taken enough, from him and his family. Tired of coming in last.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Respektingme, you're right about the step-parent thing being difficult to put it mildly. As far as his dughters are concerned, everything is my fault, I am why their relationship with their father fell apart, I'm the root of all evil. That's ok.
I tried to enforce discipline in my home, having the same rules for my sons and them but their mother couldn't/wouldn't accept that. She directly interfered in the running of my home with my AH's agreement. (Yet another bad sign along the way.) I eventually gave up on trying with the girls since the message they got from their mother and father was basically I was just the woman who happened to be married to dad. Eventually they stopped living with us at all because I actually had rules and expected them to pitch in around the house. Mom is "better" to live with because she has almost no rules or discipline in her house. Their mother is a heavy drinker also and I suspect she also uses drugs.
The girls all know their father drinks too much, the older 2 even recognize he's an alcoholic. But I don't think they understand fully what that means. The middle girl might. She is 16 and already has drinking problems, but is attending AA and seems to be working her program.
The girls have no idea how many times I tried to get their father to get into family counseling with them, how many times I tried to get their dad to stop drinking, etc. Someday perhaps they will but that's not important. What would be important would be if AH would work on himself and his relationship with them. But I don't see that happening any time soon (I don't think they even know I moved out). A sad situation for all of them.
I tried to enforce discipline in my home, having the same rules for my sons and them but their mother couldn't/wouldn't accept that. She directly interfered in the running of my home with my AH's agreement. (Yet another bad sign along the way.) I eventually gave up on trying with the girls since the message they got from their mother and father was basically I was just the woman who happened to be married to dad. Eventually they stopped living with us at all because I actually had rules and expected them to pitch in around the house. Mom is "better" to live with because she has almost no rules or discipline in her house. Their mother is a heavy drinker also and I suspect she also uses drugs.
The girls all know their father drinks too much, the older 2 even recognize he's an alcoholic. But I don't think they understand fully what that means. The middle girl might. She is 16 and already has drinking problems, but is attending AA and seems to be working her program.
The girls have no idea how many times I tried to get their father to get into family counseling with them, how many times I tried to get their dad to stop drinking, etc. Someday perhaps they will but that's not important. What would be important would be if AH would work on himself and his relationship with them. But I don't see that happening any time soon (I don't think they even know I moved out). A sad situation for all of them.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
