Question for recovering addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Question for recovering addict
Does an alcoholic couple (2 living together) get along well together? Do the nasty moods of each other get on each others nerves? Does the mutual oblivion of addiction cancel out their arguing/fighting with each other?
Would 2 hungover alcoholics each irritable, nasty and hostile not get on each others nerves?
Thanx
Would 2 hungover alcoholics each irritable, nasty and hostile not get on each others nerves?
Thanx
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Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: To the East
Posts: 81
Hi - if both the alcoholics are in recovery and working a program then the answer is yes they do get along, if not, I know first hand from being an alcoholic and living in an actively drinking environment, it was hell on earth. Now I am in a relationship that is ending, (one more time) one of us (not me) started drinking again and it is hell on earth - all over again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
Hi Steve, good question. ive often wondered if my xab would have liked me to start drinking myself to oblivion??? I did get awfully drunk with him once (it was my 40th) and he hated it, apparently i got very abusive (he he) and loud and he didn't let me forget it for a very long time. In my circumstance the answer is probably no, as for hangovers i was sick as dog the morning after he on the other hand had a pint.
I think that two alcoholics together is double the drama, chaos and not a good relationship.
M x
I think that two alcoholics together is double the drama, chaos and not a good relationship.
M x
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there Steve,
As other's have said, it depends on whether they're in or out of their recovery.
Can I ask why you ask? I used to ask myself that question a lot when my ex-wife was doing her thing with her boyfriends. The thought that she could be happy with them but not with me would just crush me. How she could prefer some guy that was cheating on his own wife, somebody who's entire life was _exactly_ the kind of life I worked so hard to avoid. The kind of man that embodied everything I strove _not_ to be.
That just killed me.
What I had to ask myself is why _I_ cared. The woman I married was no longer there. She _chose_ her own path and decided she wanted to live that way. Why was _I_ in love with a woman who was the "other woman" in _three_ marriages. ( That I know of )
What was wrong with _me_ that I could feel _anything_ for this woman ???
Today I feel compassion for her, and sadness. I hope that someday she finds her way. I realize that because of the relationship we once had I am not ever going to be able to help her find that way. She needs to find it for herself.
I know today that I was in love with a fantasy I had made in my head. I was in love with what I thought other people thought of me, because I was such a "rescuer". For me it was all echoes from my childhood, "emotional baggage" my parents forced upon me.
I got into al-anon, I got a sponsor, I go to lots and lots of meetings and read all the literature and I did a searching and fearless fourth step, then a fifth with my sponsor. I shared it all in meets like I do here on SR. I got all that "emotional poison" out of my head.
Steve, can I ask why you ask? Do you still hurt about your wife and marriage the way I used to hurt? If you do, know that we all understand here, because we have all hurt the same way. Many of us have survived and overcome that pain and are now moving on with our new lives. We're getting new homes, new jobs, heck some of us are even dating (ain't _that_ a miracle? )
Steve, are you going to meetings? Have you a sponsor? How are you doing with _your_ recovery?
Mike
Originally Posted by steve11694 
...Does an alcoholic couple (2 living together) get along well together? ...
Can I ask why you ask? I used to ask myself that question a lot when my ex-wife was doing her thing with her boyfriends. The thought that she could be happy with them but not with me would just crush me. How she could prefer some guy that was cheating on his own wife, somebody who's entire life was _exactly_ the kind of life I worked so hard to avoid. The kind of man that embodied everything I strove _not_ to be.
That just killed me.
What I had to ask myself is why _I_ cared. The woman I married was no longer there. She _chose_ her own path and decided she wanted to live that way. Why was _I_ in love with a woman who was the "other woman" in _three_ marriages. ( That I know of )
What was wrong with _me_ that I could feel _anything_ for this woman ???
Today I feel compassion for her, and sadness. I hope that someday she finds her way. I realize that because of the relationship we once had I am not ever going to be able to help her find that way. She needs to find it for herself.
I know today that I was in love with a fantasy I had made in my head. I was in love with what I thought other people thought of me, because I was such a "rescuer". For me it was all echoes from my childhood, "emotional baggage" my parents forced upon me.
I got into al-anon, I got a sponsor, I go to lots and lots of meetings and read all the literature and I did a searching and fearless fourth step, then a fifth with my sponsor. I shared it all in meets like I do here on SR. I got all that "emotional poison" out of my head.
Steve, can I ask why you ask? Do you still hurt about your wife and marriage the way I used to hurt? If you do, know that we all understand here, because we have all hurt the same way. Many of us have survived and overcome that pain and are now moving on with our new lives. We're getting new homes, new jobs, heck some of us are even dating (ain't _that_ a miracle? )
Steve, are you going to meetings? Have you a sponsor? How are you doing with _your_ recovery?
Mike
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
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I pose that question wondering if 2 active addicts do indeed get along well complimenting each others using, or if such a relationship is destructive and could conceivably help reach that so called bottom. For me the serenity prayer says it all and I must accept what I have no power over.
I have a new direction in life and a very special child to take care of, essentially a new life.
Thank you
I have a new direction in life and a very special child to take care of, essentially a new life.
Thank you
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
From what Ive seen, (2) together not in recovery is disastrous. They both are getting something from the other, thats all. And whatever it is they are getting is worth it for the short term.
Desert Eyes hit it on the head I think big time.
Desert Eyes hit it on the head I think big time.
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