So far so good
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
So far so good
Do I believe AH will relapse? Yeah, eventually I think he will. Do I envision still being married if he can't stay sober? Yeah, I'm not going to have my kids living with an active alcoholic.
I don't think our kids (10 & 7) know. Up till rehab, he had been primarily drinking only after they went to bed. He's never been in jail, never had a DUI, missed work once due to a vicious hangover, rarely misses church, etc. Those were all his guidelines, so that he had his drinking in check. I thought also that his drinking was not as bad as some others, so maybe he could control it.
But since coming here and going to Al-Anon, I am quickly realizing how his drunk thinking is effecting me. He's not so bad when he's actually drunk. Just sits in front of the tv, stoned out of his mind. Makes me lose complete respect for him, but he doesn't speak much.
It's the self-righteous attitude he has the rest of the time, the defensive offense, the need to put me down to make himself feel better by making small comments here and there that hurt a lot. His problem has grown on me like an ivy, slowly but surely.
Now I realize what I have become and I want better. Luckily, he has been in his intensive outpatient program for 14 days and hasn't drank at all. He asked someone to be his sponsor and actually called him this morning. His sponsor told him that 90% of the people who ask for his number never call. Why? Because this is a marathon, not a "sprint", and most don't follow through. So that is good. We watched a movie on living in the moment. We took the kids to an amusement park yesterday and had a blast.
I am going to visit my father 4 hours away this week. I contemplated not going because he's so new to rehab. Then I considered that I might be denying myself and my kids a good time this summer because I want to be strapped at AH's side so he won't drink. As a compromise, I'm going during the week so AH will be either at work or in rehab. Didn't choose to visit on a weekend, and take that risk.
I realllllly like him sober. It's so nice. He's the man I married, sweet, generous, thoughtful, fun. I wonder when/if he relapses, if seeing the old him will make me want to stay in hopes that he'll come back, or make me want to bolt because I'll realize how addicted he really is. Either way, I'm going to Al-Anon to get myself worked on. I seriously need a tuneup.
I don't think our kids (10 & 7) know. Up till rehab, he had been primarily drinking only after they went to bed. He's never been in jail, never had a DUI, missed work once due to a vicious hangover, rarely misses church, etc. Those were all his guidelines, so that he had his drinking in check. I thought also that his drinking was not as bad as some others, so maybe he could control it.
But since coming here and going to Al-Anon, I am quickly realizing how his drunk thinking is effecting me. He's not so bad when he's actually drunk. Just sits in front of the tv, stoned out of his mind. Makes me lose complete respect for him, but he doesn't speak much.
It's the self-righteous attitude he has the rest of the time, the defensive offense, the need to put me down to make himself feel better by making small comments here and there that hurt a lot. His problem has grown on me like an ivy, slowly but surely.
Now I realize what I have become and I want better. Luckily, he has been in his intensive outpatient program for 14 days and hasn't drank at all. He asked someone to be his sponsor and actually called him this morning. His sponsor told him that 90% of the people who ask for his number never call. Why? Because this is a marathon, not a "sprint", and most don't follow through. So that is good. We watched a movie on living in the moment. We took the kids to an amusement park yesterday and had a blast.
I am going to visit my father 4 hours away this week. I contemplated not going because he's so new to rehab. Then I considered that I might be denying myself and my kids a good time this summer because I want to be strapped at AH's side so he won't drink. As a compromise, I'm going during the week so AH will be either at work or in rehab. Didn't choose to visit on a weekend, and take that risk.
I realllllly like him sober. It's so nice. He's the man I married, sweet, generous, thoughtful, fun. I wonder when/if he relapses, if seeing the old him will make me want to stay in hopes that he'll come back, or make me want to bolt because I'll realize how addicted he really is. Either way, I'm going to Al-Anon to get myself worked on. I seriously need a tuneup.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
Barbara,
I've been reading your story. You have such amazing strength. I know you've been through hell to get to where you are now. I know you are going to have so much peace in your own place. My best friend's husband acted like an alcoholic (demeaning, critical, lied) while they were married although he wasn't one. Over and over after she got her own place, she kept telling me how much peace she was having. Didn't have to worry when he came home that he'd dump on her, pick on her, say nasty things to her, criticize her, etc. You're going to be in heaven.
I've been reading your story. You have such amazing strength. I know you've been through hell to get to where you are now. I know you are going to have so much peace in your own place. My best friend's husband acted like an alcoholic (demeaning, critical, lied) while they were married although he wasn't one. Over and over after she got her own place, she kept telling me how much peace she was having. Didn't have to worry when he came home that he'd dump on her, pick on her, say nasty things to her, criticize her, etc. You're going to be in heaven.
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