StandingStrong

Interesting how recovery works. For those of you that remember me and know my story - you'll understand. And for those of you that haven't quite reached that place of serenity yet or know my story - I hope that my post will give you hope. (Which is why I've decided to share it)

You see - many many years ago, I feared leaving my xah for many reasons. One of them was those thoughts of: "What if he becomes the man I want him to be for someone else?" "What if I regret leaving and have to live with that the rest of my life?" "There is no possible way that I can imagine my life without my husband in it" and the thoughts go on and on.

Well, today, my thoughts are really different. My feelings are different. And I am in a healthier place. Oh, believe me, there's lots of room for improvement and more recovery - but I'm definately healthier-minded than I was!

My xah moved in with someone a little over a month ago. From my understanding, he moved in with her pretty much the night of their first date.

My first reaction was pity for the woman when I found out her situation. I won't go into details but I'll tell you that my first thought was "He's found the perfect victim".

As the month has unfolded, it's been interesting for me in many ways. In some ways - my xah is absolutely the man to her that I always wanted/needed him to be for me. In many other ways, I can see that he hasn't changed entirely.

There's been a few times that I've thought "Gee, if he'd put even 1/2 of the effort into our marriage that he puts into her, we'd probably still be together" but I have no ill feelings about it or anything.

The point isn't to talk all about him - it's to tell you that some of the biggest fears that I used to have - have and are coming true. It's now reality. And you know what - I'm okay!!!!!!! If someone would have told me that I'd be okay in this situation about 15 years ago or maybe even 10 years ago or maybe even sooner, I'd have laughed and said "yeah, right" with much sarcasm.

But you know - through the years that I had those thoughts - the truth is simple. I wasn't ready to leave, I wasn't ready to fix myself, and I was sooooo uneducated about alcoholism!!!!! To have left then would have been a major mistake and I believe that I'd have probably been miserable without him and regretted my choice, etc. It took my finally being ready - after being sick and tired of being sick and tired - and much hard work, pain, and growth to get where I am now.

It's just odd how for so many years (even over a century!) I had such fears. Fears that now I no longer fear and they are now a reality!

Life can get better. I am reminded often of that. While my life may not be perfect by far - I am so much better today.

If you are struggling right now - don't give up hope. Truly, life can get better!

(Hugs) to all of you!

denny57

Glad you're in a good place, SS - it feels good, doesn't it?

I'd be interested to hear the sequel to your post in about 6 months. LOL

DesertEyes

Wow SS, that is awesome growth. Sounds to me like you've got some serious serenity going on there. You oughta be proud of yourself. And thanx for sharing that, I love hearing happy stories

Mike

chero

Thanks, SS!

LaTeeDa

Yeah, my first thought was--how good was it for you in the first month? Probably better than it is for her. Years later, the reality hits. I've said it before. An alcoholic can do what they have to do to get what they want. For a short time. I know you are in it for the long haul, SS. Don't be fooled by the short term actions. He will remain true to his addiction, just as you will remain true to your recovery. Glad to hear you have it all in perspective.

L

cmc

Thank you SS, you proved to be true that Fear is:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
It appears that way until I am ready to see the truth.
I'm so happy for you, that your journey in recovery has brought you to such a great place of strength and serenity.
I still have some fears about how this disease affects me and my loved ones, but when I read stories like yours it helps me more than you will know.
Thank you, again.

kglast

thanks SS!!!!

Pick-a-name

guineapigjude

You're an inspiration to those of us still taking those baby steps!
As to XAH's new relationship, I'd be willing to bet changes are coming....

LGLG07

good for you SS .. so good to hear such an inspiring story !
keep pushing forward , you're doing great !

embraced2000

a whole month???? hon, i hope he can pull it together and rescue his own life, but one month is just a blink of an eye for an alcoholic.

i bet you had a wonderful first month with him, also.

big ole hugs to you, and i'm grateful that for today, you are at peace.

GiveLove

SS
I hope you both have wonderful lives. That's the way it's supposed to be.

Fears lose their power over you after a while.

Life is so much bigger than that......way to go!!!

Love,
GL