Saint Francis

Was just thinking about it be Independence Day and what that really means. Our forefathers faught for us to have life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. What a wonderful thing! But here I am feeling like I have no life, little freedom, and am so far from being happy. What happened???

For the 3rd early morning in a row after his 3rd relapse Sunday, AH went on a tyraid. He woke me up once again to scream at me. This time it was to tell me he was having these horrible headaches, how I don't care, and that he was going to the ER. He proceeded to yell as he went from room to room tearing them apart as he called me a "selfish psychob*tch," then he went outside continuing to carry on as he yelled. I got really scared this time and had no where to go. I was hoping he would go to the ER and they would check his blood alcohol level and admit him or that neighbors would hear and call the police. Anything to get him out of here. He just sat in his car for hours drinking Bud. I couldn't leave or sleep. I felt terrorized and paralyzed.

This time, it started when I received a call from someone 30 miles away about 5 pm that he had left his cell phone at a fireworks stand. I drove home to tell him to go get it. But I was angry that he continued to waste money we don't have, losing things, and drinking. I found him at home, lighting off fireworks with the fridge stocked with 15 Buds beside the two open ones in his car. I found him sitting out back with a firework, yelled at him to get his phone at the stand, quit wasting $ etc. No response, and his drunken shaky hand started to light a launching explosive. I grabbed his wrist tightly to release it and then hit his arm to release and I got it away from him. I was scared of him hurting himself or me. I then took all the fireworks as I left, but I left the Bud behind (He's grown and I'm relinquishing that control). This whole thing is just pure madness!

Now I'm left with being scared in my own home with nowhere to go. He's leaving Thurs-Sun to do some work. But last time he left for Orlando, he spent $4,000 because he went on a delirious binge and ended up flying to Ohio also. I'm scared he's gonna wipe us out financially. I have the ability to cancel credit cards and move money from the bank account so he can't access it on Thursday. This will further enrage him....should I do this? Yes, at the same time I will try to see a lawyer. I really have no choice in this. I care about him but can't live like this.

What I'm doing for me today is spending the evening with friends, BBQ and fireworks. And maybe next Independence Day, it truly will be for me.

chero

Oh, SF, I'm so sorry!!

Is there some place you can go or move to so you'll be safe? Do what you feel is right for YOU.

I'm glad you have plans for you today! I know it's hard but focusing on YOU what you need to do!!

Hugs and prayers!
(((((SF)))))

denny57

I had to realize I was doing this, too: hoping someone else, including the alcoholic, would make MY problem disappear. Through recovery I have learned again I do have choices and the more I exercise those choices on my behalf, my life improves.

Canceling credit cards, moving money and seeing an attorney are great proactive steps, ones I also took.

Good luck and hope you still manage to have a great day.

dollydo

Move money, cancel the credit cards, get all your papers in order, and go see that attorney.

No person deserves to live in all this chaos, but you have a way out, take it.