Wedding Ring
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Many years ago, I took my ring off after a big arguement with my (now) xah. I explained to him that I wasn't going to wear it again until we had a real marriage.
Well, there were times along the years that I'd wear it. For many reasons. But then it came off and it stayed off after another huge arguement. (and I used work as an excuse seeing as how I had managed to hurt myself with it a few times anyways).
Even after we seperated, I'd occassionally get it out and put it on. I'd remember how it felt and I'd look at it as I still found it to be pretty and I guess a part of me and my life.
I recently ran across it again (my divorce is final) and I just looked at it. I didn't even want to put it on.
I'm still not exactly sure what I plan to do with it. For now, it is put away with my xah's ring.
As was suggested earlier - I have a different ring I now wear. It keeps me from feeling that naked feeling that was described as well as this ring having a meaning. I actually have a few rings that I wear regurlarly, all of which mean something to me.
For whatever reason you took your ring off - I believe there was a reason. Sometimes we don't always know or understand the "why's" of things - but we have to just know that it was meant to be. Perhaps this is one of those moments for you.
Well, there were times along the years that I'd wear it. For many reasons. But then it came off and it stayed off after another huge arguement. (and I used work as an excuse seeing as how I had managed to hurt myself with it a few times anyways).
Even after we seperated, I'd occassionally get it out and put it on. I'd remember how it felt and I'd look at it as I still found it to be pretty and I guess a part of me and my life.
I recently ran across it again (my divorce is final) and I just looked at it. I didn't even want to put it on.
I'm still not exactly sure what I plan to do with it. For now, it is put away with my xah's ring.
As was suggested earlier - I have a different ring I now wear. It keeps me from feeling that naked feeling that was described as well as this ring having a meaning. I actually have a few rings that I wear regurlarly, all of which mean something to me.
For whatever reason you took your ring off - I believe there was a reason. Sometimes we don't always know or understand the "why's" of things - but we have to just know that it was meant to be. Perhaps this is one of those moments for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
When I got divorced I gave my wedding set to my 11 year old daughter and told her she could be the only one in her class wearing diamonds.
I really wanted nothing to do with it. It meant nothing to me anymore.
When I was single for a long time I used to wear a fake one because I got tired of being hit on.
Not sure any of this makes a bit of sense.
Anyway, glad hubby got down to the bottom of the pecan bowl. I also had another ring and a pair of earrings in there.
I really wanted nothing to do with it. It meant nothing to me anymore.
When I was single for a long time I used to wear a fake one because I got tired of being hit on.
Not sure any of this makes a bit of sense.
Anyway, glad hubby got down to the bottom of the pecan bowl. I also had another ring and a pair of earrings in there.
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Well, it's still off! And the more I think about it the better I feel. Oh, still a little sad but I agree, it was a turning point for me!
I think it gave me courage to ignore his 5 calls this evening!
I don't know what it means, really, that I took it off. Part of me thinks it's too soon to have done it, but part of me thinks that it actually came off years ago(many years ago) and it was just another thing I needed to realize wasn't what I thought it was no matter how hard I tried to make it that way.
I think I just figured it out. I wore that ring but it didn't really mean anything. It had been forced off my finger years ago. Now it's off all the way.
I think it gave me courage to ignore his 5 calls this evening!
I don't know what it means, really, that I took it off. Part of me thinks it's too soon to have done it, but part of me thinks that it actually came off years ago(many years ago) and it was just another thing I needed to realize wasn't what I thought it was no matter how hard I tried to make it that way.
I think I just figured it out. I wore that ring but it didn't really mean anything. It had been forced off my finger years ago. Now it's off all the way.
In my forest.
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 31
Mine's been on and off over the last year. No rings on now, and my hands feel bare every day. My H gave me wedding and engagement rings of course, but also a celtic love symbol ring and another lovely diamond ring I wore on my right hand - so four rings. Now I wear none and it feels weird every day.
Good for you Chero - sounds like it was just 'meant to be'.
My friend who has been separated for a year and a half and just got divorce papers served the other day just took hers off (amidst many tears because she still loves her husband dearly and would take him back in a flash), and bought herself a rather expensive ruby and diamond ring to replace it (from her financial settlement which they'd already organised).
Each to their own.
Good for you Chero - sounds like it was just 'meant to be'.
My friend who has been separated for a year and a half and just got divorce papers served the other day just took hers off (amidst many tears because she still loves her husband dearly and would take him back in a flash), and bought herself a rather expensive ruby and diamond ring to replace it (from her financial settlement which they'd already organised).
Each to their own.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Been there done that. Amazing how a little piece of metal can hold _so_ many emotions.
Took me a _long_ time to take mine off, but once I was _done_ with my sick need to be married to a sick person it felt like the right thing to do. I took it down to the Salvation Army. They could use the money to help some strugling family and a happy young couple could find a nice ring to get them started on their marriage.
Mike
Took me a _long_ time to take mine off, but once I was _done_ with my sick need to be married to a sick person it felt like the right thing to do. I took it down to the Salvation Army. They could use the money to help some strugling family and a happy young couple could find a nice ring to get them started on their marriage.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I think wedding bands and engagement rings hold a great deal of personal significance for all of us, and for each of us they have been endowed with our own very personal meanings. I've taken mine off for weeks at a time, but I find I feel kinda "naked" without them. However, I'm ambivalent about my rings. They don't signify love to me any longer. When I look at the rings, the thought that pops into my mind almost immediately is: "dog and pony show."
AH made sure I had at least a one-plus carat solitaire surrounded by another carat of channel set diamonds on my engagement ring. My wedding band is one carat of channel-set diamonds. I guess that makes the set a little over three carats. I assure you I'm not revealing this because I want to impress anyone. That's the rub - my AH wanted to make sure EVERYONE saw what a "gorgeous" set he bought me. Such a thoughtful fella, always making sure any event was special. Just like our wedding. It was beautiful. In hindsight, I realize that (1) he was "buying" me; and, 2) he was impressing our friends and families with the "show."
Like his best friend's mom said to me a month before we got married: "Honey, you're getting one of the GOOD ones." Yeah, right. Whatever ....
AH made sure I had at least a one-plus carat solitaire surrounded by another carat of channel set diamonds on my engagement ring. My wedding band is one carat of channel-set diamonds. I guess that makes the set a little over three carats. I assure you I'm not revealing this because I want to impress anyone. That's the rub - my AH wanted to make sure EVERYONE saw what a "gorgeous" set he bought me. Such a thoughtful fella, always making sure any event was special. Just like our wedding. It was beautiful. In hindsight, I realize that (1) he was "buying" me; and, 2) he was impressing our friends and families with the "show."
Like his best friend's mom said to me a month before we got married: "Honey, you're getting one of the GOOD ones." Yeah, right. Whatever ....
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
My engagement ring didn't signify love, it (still) symbolises the moment when R's mask started to slip. It was a bage of ownership - he thought he'd got me then. (Of course, I can only see this in hindsight). He would always notice if I didn't have it on and never bought my reasons (cleaning, gardening, finger swelling in the heat.) His radar was very finely tuned to that kind of thing.
Unlike Prod, though, he didn't spend much money on it. In fact, technically I paid for it anyway. I left it in the house when I moved and he sent it back (in the regular mail) with a post-it note saying something like "This is yours. I hope you will wear it again in happier times with me". Slight hitch - he was already engaged to someone else by then.
I gave it to my mum to keep until I decided what to do with it. In fact, I'd forgotten about it till now. I think I'll give it to charity. It no longer has any significance beyond a reminder of a horrible time in my life. I choose what meaning to give it.
Unlike Prod, though, he didn't spend much money on it. In fact, technically I paid for it anyway. I left it in the house when I moved and he sent it back (in the regular mail) with a post-it note saying something like "This is yours. I hope you will wear it again in happier times with me". Slight hitch - he was already engaged to someone else by then.
I gave it to my mum to keep until I decided what to do with it. In fact, I'd forgotten about it till now. I think I'll give it to charity. It no longer has any significance beyond a reminder of a horrible time in my life. I choose what meaning to give it.
I Finally Love My Life!!!
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New England
Posts: 648
My XABF presented me with a cladder on our first year anniversary of dating/being together - whatever. On our 3rd year anniversary I took it off when I kicked him out for drinking and lying. After another 6 months of him begging and pleading for me to come back to him I smashed it when he did a 180 and suddenly threw me out of his life.
A week later I bought a really nice watch for myself - to make up for the nice things I had always bought him, but never for myself. When I look at that smashed ring, it reminds me of how he treats himself, people and his things.
I look at my awesome watch even as I type this...it reminds me that I need to remember my needs and be good to me, instead of being the martyr.
A week later I bought a really nice watch for myself - to make up for the nice things I had always bought him, but never for myself. When I look at that smashed ring, it reminds me of how he treats himself, people and his things.
I look at my awesome watch even as I type this...it reminds me that I need to remember my needs and be good to me, instead of being the martyr.
full of hope
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 1,170
Well, here I am about to leave the house this morning and my ring is laying beside my keyboard.
I'm not putting it on. I'm not. More than that I can't. If I put it on then to me it says that all the years of hell he put me through--I accept. And I don't accept it. His behavior was unacceptable to me--now, finally.
I'd rather be naked without it than hidden behind its lies.
I'm not putting it on. I'm not. More than that I can't. If I put it on then to me it says that all the years of hell he put me through--I accept. And I don't accept it. His behavior was unacceptable to me--now, finally.
I'd rather be naked without it than hidden behind its lies.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Ca
Posts: 69
My AH would take his off everytime he would get drunk and start his verbal rage. One night he was wasted and we were leaving a comedy club, fighting as usual, and he threw it out the car window!! I kept driving. He went back to that spot and searched and never found it.
A few months later after rehab, and after I took him back, he went and bought another one identical to his first and won't take it off now.
I'm wearing mine, but slip it off sometimes when it gets bad between us. It hurts to do it, but it's like giving myself a little glimpse of what I should be doing.
A few months later after rehab, and after I took him back, he went and bought another one identical to his first and won't take it off now.
I'm wearing mine, but slip it off sometimes when it gets bad between us. It hurts to do it, but it's like giving myself a little glimpse of what I should be doing.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Like Minnie mine was also a hook and I'll tell you if I didn't have it on it was noticed!
It was neither a wedding ring or engagement ring, I call it my "hooking ring."
Anyways to make a long story short I took it, sold it and bought a freezer. I like the freezer much better, it SAVES me money.
Earthworm
It was neither a wedding ring or engagement ring, I call it my "hooking ring."
Anyways to make a long story short I took it, sold it and bought a freezer. I like the freezer much better, it SAVES me money.
Earthworm
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