hbb

Hi all, it's me again, the sobbing, untrusting, miserable, sad gf of a 6 month sober guy who doesn't know what he wants!! I went to Al Anon for the second week at the same place, love the group there. They are older as I am 33 but could tell immediately i was not good!!

We started tonight on week one again and for the first time picked up the phone and talked to a friend and actually listened to her stories and her day and her daughter's achievements. We did touch on my story but I was actually strong and got MAD for once. That "how could he do this to me feeling". I do know that he has an illness and i don't make light of that at all but for once i was somewhere for ME. I didn't go to his meeting, i didn't text or call to see how it went. I came right home instead of wondering or driving by certain areas. Not that i'm cured by any means but one day i do feel he will wake up and say "damn, I screwed up, i had a great girl that appreciated and cared about me". Not to say it's definately over but appears that way unless some miracle turn around occurs soon.

Don't get me wrong, i'm very sad for him, me and us together. But if it's meant to be, it's meant to be and it's out of my hands at the moment.....i'm hoping each day gets better, but what a struggle, and i know he's going through a rough time but i have to let my guilt go and know i did EVERYTHING possible for him and he didn't want it......thanks all for your kind, honest, blunt, assertive threads.

hbb

CE Girl

(((((((hbb))))))))

Ya gotta LOVE SR!!!!!

Stay strong and move FORWARD,,,

Peace

chero

Hbb, So happy for your breakthrough!! Great job!!

dobiediva

Now ya gotta keep that feeling of strength and KEEP going back to the meetings. The feelings you will have will seesaw back and forth. Especially if he starts to feel that you are distancing yourself instead of clinging. Be prepared for the possibility that he will start to "come around" again. You getting strength may threaten him. But ESPECIALLY if you get him back you need to KEEP GOING to the meetings. KEEP COMING HERE. You STILL need help whether you get him back or not!! this is about YOU, not your relationship with HIM. You did good tonight!

MsGolightly

this reminds me of a quote that a friend of mine used to always say...

"one day, he's going to wake up and realize how amazing she is. and she's going to be waking up to the guy that already knew."

good for you, hbb. he can only miss you and realize how much he screwed up once you're actually gone. otherwise, he knows which buttons to push and how to keep stringing you along.

fluffyflea

One thing is you can never do enough for them, the more you do the more they want so you may as well just do for you.

Earthworm

embraced2000

hbb.....i truly believe going to al-anon may have saved my very life. i'm so pleased and grateful that another person has joined the ranks of self recovery.

my fellow al-anonians got a real good work out when i joined...........we live in a rural area, and they were mostly old timers.....so they really had their work cut out for them.

in our area, the spouses (usually women) are so controlled by their alcoholics that to go to an al-anon meeting is a good excuse for a beating. sad, but very very true.

i hope you find as much comfort, reality, companionship, wisdom, and love that i found at mine. keep going back.....even if you feel like you have to make yourself go....i've never, never went to an al-anon meeting that i didn't learn so much or was sorry that i went. and trust me, some nights, i just didn't feel like going.....but always drove home with a renewed spirit.

chero

That is good!!

hbb

Hi All, Dobiediva your right, the ups and downs stink, i was mad last night and didn't care anymore but waking up this morning i was bummed again. I know i'm doing the right thing and im done chasing or wondering. It stinks cause this morning i passed him in his work truck and he's waving and i just know i had this face on me and couldn't even get myself to wave....does he have ANY idea what i'm going through? I didnt go to his 6 month chip and not even sure if he got it but don't care, i do deserve a better life than a liar would give me. I love the quote Inthisforme, thank you.....maybe someday i'll actually feel i deserve that, thought i found him.....

splendra

great guys and girls are often a magnet for someone who is addicted to drugs and/or alcohol...

parentrecovers

try 5 or 6 alanon meetings. it'll keep you busy and you'll meet others with many of the same struggles. blessings, k

dobiediva

I've been going through those ups and downs for at least 2 years but have been activly trying to change my situation since Dec. 2006 when I found this awesome group of people on SR. I've broken up with that man more times than I can even count yet he always found a way back in and I always let him. My problem always was when things were good I didn't think I needed Alanon or SR. Afterall, things were going well. I always believed HE finally GOT IT and was turning back into the man I loved. Sad thing is when things are going well is when I found I should've been here MORE often because a con job was going on. He was doing what he thought he needed me to do to keep me around longer. It wasn't until last sunday that I realized I have the next 90 days WITHOUT HIM (he's in jail) to do the most recovery work I could do to truly be rid of him. Finding out he may have been cheating for the last month certainly helps fuel the anger I feel and keeps me from answering the phone when he calls. Because I cannot have contact with him and don't have to see him for the next 90 days its EASIER to try to get him out of my head and heart. When he is around I can't do that. Its easier for him to manipulate me when he's right there calling, texting, showing up all to prove how much he cares. He knows he will wear me down eventually and it always works. I NEED this time away to get over him. Just like he needs his 90 days to seek treatment so do I. Difference is he was forced to be there. I WANT to be here! I'm tired of being with someone I don't trust!

Try to stay away from him. It will be very very hard. (Like I said, it took mine going away to jail for 90 days for ME to stay away--and its only been a week! I still have a LOOOONG summer ahead of me!) Odds are he will come back if you stay distant. But hopefully by the time that happens you will have some recovery under your belt and be able to be strong in your relationship and not someone that will be easily manipulated all over again. It is likely this will take several attempts for you to walk away. We're here for you

Spiritual Seeker

You poseted " I do feel he will wake up and say " But perhaps you will wake up and say "why was I so needy with a penny-less addict and thankfully I have learned what a healthy relationship looks and feels like" What a difference a day makes. Sounds like you have started the climb of Rebounding back into your own life. It takes a while to get your equilibrium back. You sound like you are ready.

loveRoy

hbb, remember this, he will either sink or swim. Don't sink with him and you can't swim for him. Try hard to focus on yourself. So glad you found this board. Keep reading and keep posting.

hbb

Dobiediva ... so sorry your going through that yourself, it truly is unbelievable the things we end up dealing with in the end. Im just sick about the loan, i can walk away from him and everything else, just need clarification and comfort in knowing whats going on with that. He owes me that at least. And i don't want that connection so my hope is that he'll find another way to change it to someone else. The more I think about the reality of this is the feeling that he NEVER got over his ex, was with her 8 years....thats my gut feeling and usually your gut is right in most cases.

hbb

Your right SS, i really don't have feelings for him at the moment other than hatred and i know that recovered addicts have said poor him and he doesn't know what he's doing, thats crap in this case. He is definately guilty of something, whether drinking or screwing around....I DON'T CARE, he can sit on the pity pot as long as he wants but reality will set in and hopefully i won't be there.....